Hi there, so obviously new & thought I’d give this a go. I’ve tried online support groups in the past but they never dealt specifically w/cPTSD & dissociative Identity disorder. I have a lot of behaviors I struggle with- passive suicidal ideation (sometimes not to passive), PTSD episodes in form of dissociation to alters & somatization problems where I re-experience the abuse physically or have emotional flashbacks. I have also struggled with self harm since the age of 7. I have 6 alters that I know of & one that wants me dead. 5 of my alters are so lovely but I fantasize about suicide daily. I’d really like to stop existing & perhaps become dormant somehow so I don't have to be present & participate in life any longer. I have an extended family who either refutes or minimizes the abuse & I’ve cut contact w/my parents (my primary abusers). I’ve tried to keep my disorders secret from friends & coworkers but it’s difficult when I switch personas or miss lots of work because of my episodes. I have been accepted for admission to Sheppard-Pratt as of yesterday & frankly it’s a last ditch effort to keep me from killing myself & learn the skills I need to function & maybe even thrive on a daily basis.
So, I suppose that’s enough to be going on. Thank you for posting on this forum- knowing I’m not alone already makes a big difference.
So, I suppose that’s enough to be going on. Thank you for posting on this forum- knowing I’m not alone already makes a big difference.