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Intrusive sexual images of safe people

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So, a problem with the "safe, sane, consensual" theory of fantasy is that often PTSD sufferers fantasize about what's happened to them. Rape victims have rape fantasies. People who've gone through other sexual issues, say, BDSM gone wrong, may fantasize about BDSM. And so on. I would say that this is normal, and this is OK.

However, there are two schools of thought about this and one school of thought says that you can't be "over" your PTSD if you still have these kinds of fantasies. The other school is more integrative, which is the one I personally prefer as I find the other school to be unforgivingly sex-negative.

If you're fantasizing about actually hurting a real person in any way, sexually or not, this is definitely an issue to bring it in therapy. Otherwise, fantasy is a normal part of life and doesn't have to be safe, sane, or consensual at all. Non-SSC fantasy can indeed be normal and healthy.
 
Did they also say that it is ok to fantasize about people you are close to? If not they they should have and if they said that was wrong, bad, inapproprate or the like they are wrong.

I might need to re-evaluate what T actually said. Maybe I was interpreting something. Perhaps I should try to clear this up.

fantasy is a normal part of life and doesn't have to be safe, sane, or consensual at all. Non-SSC fantasy can indeed be normal and healthy.

Yeah, this part... I am aware that my fantasies prior to therapy were weird and gross—from my current point of view. I don’t want to go back to that. So the criteria of it bothering me applies.

But maybe I’ve gone too far. Trying to work it out.
 
You don't "get over" what happened, you work through it. Roleplay can help in the process, as it allows us opportunities to play out "what if I did this instead"; regaining one's sense of control over situations offers the power of control over our fears and past events.

Fantasies are a safe outlet, because it lets the person pick a "safe" partner to roleplay those choices. If it's someone we have a positive emotional connection with (even if it's a celebrity or artist we never meet), it can encourage us to practice positive behaviors.

There are fantasies of non-SSC, that genre qualifies as "kink" (50 Shades). It's not a "fetish" for that very reason of non-consensual. In other words, it's like bell-bottom jeans or a particular hairstyle: a passing interest that very few people don't get bored of eventually.

That's not to say it won't occasionally pop up now and then, but you grow out of it and towards something "better". But "getting over" trauma is impossible, the only way to recover is to work through it... sometimes by working it out of your system.

If you feel it appropriate, please let us know what your T said to help clarify. Much love and peace, and a better day ahead. :hug:
 
example from my life. I have MAJOR sexual fantiasies about safe people as well and always have.

as long as they stay between me and me and are not acted upon there is zero wrong with any fantasy...they are your mind's coping stragey to feel safe and as you work through therapy that coping mechanism changes. But they are perfectly acceptable as long as they stay between you and you.

This has been rolling around in my head and helping me enormously to accept myself. This is what I talked about at therapy and the therapist completely agreed and validated this. She said that my mind is thinking of safe people in that way because it is missing that component in my emotional-sexual life.

(From Asit/Virac/Mavu.)
Note to Moderator: After I clicked on “More Options,” to try to use my previously assigned anonymous names, the post got shortened drastically, so I had to go back to click “Post Reply” in order to be able to post the whole message.
 
Note to Moderator: After I clicked on “More Options,” to try to use my previously assigned anonymous names, the post got shortened drastically, so I had to go back to click “Post Reply” in order to be able to post the whole message.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience. This is a known bug, and we are aware of it.
 
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