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Intrusive Thoughts - Anyone?

Discussion in 'General' started by Seeking_Nirvana, Sep 22, 2007.

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  1. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    I'm currently suffering from intrusive thought disorder along with 123456789 other things. It's making me crazy (eir). I don't want to hurt anyone, but I get these thoughts that go through my head that tell me I want to hurt/kill people. I get so scared because I don't know where they come from. Also, I think that people are trying or wanting to kill me.

    I have had mild cases of this throughout my life, and it didn't bother me. But, I had a nervous breakdown over a month ago and that’s when all of this started getting worse.

    I can't hold a job for more than 3-4 months, but I forced myself to stay employed for over a year and a half with the help of Adderall. I've never held a job that long in my life and I think that is what caused the nervous breakdown.

    People at work were fighting/bickering and one guy threatened to kill the manager. (I don't think he meant it) but his anger was so intense that I freaked out. I went into the kitchen and I seen a knife (I'm scared of knives) and I hid it. Later that night I had a ton of nightmares. Then the weekend came and still nightmares. On Sunday, I went to the laundry mat and these men were looking at me like they wanted something, and I freaked out and thought my life was in danger and pulled a knife out. Later that night I had ton's more nightmares and then woke with adrenaline flowing through my body as if I were dying. I went to the ER and was admitted.

    In short I don't think I can work and I'm filing for disability. Now that I'm not working I've calmed down a lot. But I want those intrusive thoughts to stop or at least not pop up as much as they do because I never had them this bad prior to working that long.

    Does anyone know why working would cause these problems? Will they go away soon, or am I cursed with them from now on?

    Any insight please

    Tammy
     
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Well you answered yourself in that post!

    You forced yourself to work and had someone threaten another's life at work!

    It's called a huge trigger.

    Many of us, can not work, and those that do are under constant stress (which none of us can handle.) Work is a huge stressor for us PTSD'ers without having the triggers on top of it.

    So.. first off. Put the knife away. Your only going to hurt yourself or someone else and it's not going to make you actually safer. So put it away. Hide them in a cupboard if you need to, so you don't trigger yourself, but no sleeping or carrying weapons.

    Now, as for the negative intrusive thoughts, that is a normal part of PTSD. Yes, they can go away, with hard work.

    You need to deal with your trauma head on. You do this by admitting to your trauma, discussing the details (safely), working through the emotions, and working through all the negative thoughts this has produced. The remaining negative thoughts you have to tackle.

    If you look in the Information section, Anxiety, you will find a bunch of different posts about negative thinking. read these. The general rule is for every negative thought, you must replace it with a positive one. So each time you get the same negative thought, you repeat the same positive thought, out loud or in your head, until it becomes automatic to switch the thought back to positive without thinking about it.

    This is, by no means, an easy or fast process. It takes me around two months of doing this, repeatedly throughout the day, to replace one negative thought. And I still slip up on some of them.

    Healing is a lot of hard work.

    bec
     
  4. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    Thanks Bec, I will check out the info on anxiety. I will try to take the knife out of my purse. I'm so scared out in the community and don't know when I'm safe.

    Tammy
     
  5. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    I carry "halt" in my purse.....it is a legal hot pepper spray...makes me feel safer and it is legal.
     
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Again, no weapons.. I don't care if it's legal or not. Our sense of safety needs to come from within, not weapons. Weapons just reinforces the violence, reinforces the feeling of a lack of safety, lack of control etc...

    You want the opposite of that.. so carrying a weapon, of any kind, may seem like a good idea, however your actually making it worse for yourself.

    bec
     
  7. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

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    I think we all have our own variations of intrusive thoughts, all different and unique, and dealt with differently.
     
  8. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    I have intrusive thoughts too. Mine are just the what ifs, the scenario building crap that play over and over through the day. Drive me batty some days.

    I suppose one has to feel safe if their thoughts are more on the scary side, but at what point do you have to stop and say, "These are only thoughts."

    I guess we all do what we have to do to feel safe.

    Wen
     
  9. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    I've read up on some people with intrusive thoughts. As far as they know, no one ever carries out their intrusive thoughts. That is a big relief to know. I know I would never do anything while I'm in a state of awareness. The problem lies in "I wonder if" my sanity is gone or I lose my sanity and don't know what I'm doing.

    Now that I'm not working much I have a good feeling that I am not losing my sanity. I'm currently reading "The Power of Now" and it is really helping me.

    Thanks
    Tammy
     
  10. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Tammy,

    I'm glad that the book is working. Whatever works for you is a good thing.

    Wen
     
  11. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    I have went one week with no intrusive thoughts. I am so relieved and can't wait to tell my doctor.

    I think working less has helped a lot, and realizing that huge amounts of stress made them come about. This is a good indicator that I'm on top of it, and can go longer with out intrusive thoughts.

    I only had one bad dream this past week and it wasn't that bad. A miniature dinosaur was bitting me and wouldn't quit. I was yelling in my sleep so my husband woke me. I fell right back to sleep. I hope to go 3 months with no negative dreams like I did before.

    The dream means, old issues (dinosaur) are getting smaller, but they still are biting me. Very positive dream once awake. Very bad while sleeping.

    Tammy
     
  12. John_R

    John_R Member

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    Hello

    Hello Everyone,

    My name is John, and I'm new to this forum. I've been diagnosed with PTSD for about 15 years now.

    For myself when I get intrusive thoughts it's when some trigger sets me off. More often then not when my feelings get hurt I turn to anger, and then I can't seem to control my thoughts at all. It often seems like I'm obsessing, but I'm not so much obsessing, but rather being assaulted by uncontrollable intrusive thoughts.

    For many years I thought anger was my defensive mechanism, but I just recently learned that it's most often the first symptom that comes with my PTSD. Once I'm angry I can become very self-destructive.

    I just experienced it this week, and I'm working hard to deal with it. The problem that I have in working on my PTSD symptoms is that I have trouble saying ouch. I rather roll and bleed in the street rather then say ouch. Then, what happens is the intrusive thoughts start, I get angry and then I'm out of control.

    When this happens I end relationships, I want to drink and drug, and sometimes even contemplate hurting myself.

    I have experienced something that has worked for me once, and I've been trying to educate my girlfriend who I've been seeing for about 4 1/2 months now, but sometimes just talking about PTSD causes me to feel angry. Anyway, once I had gotten angry and was ready to walk out, when she said, "before you leave can you tell me why you're angry?" I did tell her, and found that it stopped my anger cold, and it also calmed me down a great deal. It worked.

    I was doing some browsing on the subject and I found that it's a suggestion for family and friends to ask the PTSD sufferer specific questions such as, Are you feeling angry? Sad? Etc. It would be awesome if I could ask myself those questions at the time my PTSD was triggered but when that happens I'm off to the races and feel completely justified in my behavior.

    Anyway, I wanted to contribute to the post, and introduce myself.

    Thanks,
    John
     
  13. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Welcome to the forum John.

    bec
     
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