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Irrational Fear - Loved One's Must Checkin Or Panic Sets In

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Hypervigilance' started by ranger2_75, Dec 4, 2006.

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  1. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    I just went through a realy hard time because of my own irrational fears. :wall: When ever a loved one goes some where I have this insane need to hear from them every 4 hours max. If I don't hear from them I start feeling as if they have been injured or some thing horable has happened to them. Yesturday my step daughter whent to the coast about a 3 hour drive through the mountans. Well she called when they got there and then again 7 hours latter when she called to tell us that her boyfriend and her were going on to his families place about 4 hours from there, again through the mountans, to a town about 1 1/2 hours from here. Well then we didn't hear from her again untill today at about seven this evening. That was over 24 hours latter!:cussing: She is 21, even though, she lives with us. Well the problem is that during the night at some point I had a dream that my wife got a phone call that my step daughter was dead due to an accident. Well it came back to me when she called at 7 this evening. I lost it and I have spent the last hour trying to recover. I'm shaking and jumpy and throwing up blood, it is really starting to make me wonder if she cares cause it is a continuing problem trying to get her to call and let us know she is alive. I'm almost feeling as if she does it on purpos. Yes I know she is an adault, I can't help that when she gone I worry about her. Same if it's my wife gone but she is willing to, and does call for me. I'm starting to think that I need to tell her to find her own place so that I can go ahead and get use to her being gone and not hearing from her.:angry-fla I'm about to ask my wife to take me to a psych hospital. I think I'm startin' to loose controle.:drugs: :cuckoo:
     
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    i do the same thing, ranger, when my kids are driving, or when my husbands late from work, or ican't get him/them on cell phone. i know i drive my kids nuts, but i call the youngest every night, sometimes more(soph. in college) i call my daughter 3 or 4 times a week, she's married--why can't i let my sil worry, instead? and the oldest is the worst, i can never get him on the phone or his cell, i call my mother in law to check on him, he lives in the same area. i only hear from him if he needs something.
    cathy
     
  4. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member

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    You have the strength to get through this ranger,
    trust me
    it will take time... but you can do it
     
  5. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

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    *hugs* Ranger.

    Being 21, does she realise that you psychologically need to know she is safe, that her not contacting you seriously freaks you out?
     
  6. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    Cookie good to know I'm not the only one,thnanks; Y and A hope to talk again soon it was good tonightGR'ass; realy need the hugs just wish they were real and I don't know if she don't understand or don't care, maybe both.

    P.S. she finaly got home 12:54am and no more calls
     
  7. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Ranger,

    The first two lines of your post are pretty much me in a nut shell (no pun intended!).

    Right when my symptoms were kicking into high gear in July, my oldest daughter (18) decided to stay out all night. I mean all night...it was 5am when her then boyfriend drove her home. I was up all night worried. Visions of her in a ditch, hospital, any and everything bad were going through my head. My husband woke up at 3am to find me up and wanted to know why I was up and I told him our daughter wasn't home yet. So I got a worry buddy for a couple of hours. When she did get home I was so angry I had to go inside the house (we were sitting on the front porch) or stand in the middle of the street ripping both of them up and waking the neighbors. Hubby did the ripping on her...quietly.

    I think that your step daughter just doesn't understand the extent of how you worry. It took me and my husband pounding it into her head that if she doesn't call, 'Mom freaks out'. Now she calls. But she's also told me she feels like we're trying to control her and find out where and who she's with, etc. I told her I don't care where or who she's with (as long as she's safe) and that a phone call is common courtesy. Maybe your step daughter thinks that by having to check in, you're treating her like a kid instead of an adult. And I know when they're in that late teen/early 20's age, God forbid you insult them by even possibly hinting that they're not 'real' adults. Even if they're acting like two year olds when they're demanding their adult rights!

    Have you ever thought about writing her a note/letter explaining why you feel the way you do and how her not calling affects you so badly? That way, you're not 'in her face' and she has time to sit and read it and think and doesn't have to feel defensive. Just a thought. When emotions get tough between me and my oldest daughter, we write notes to each other.

    Adding my hugs and I hope things get better.
     
  8. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    Thank you marlene I think I will try that actualy been thinkin it for a while but convinced mself it was stupid.any way here a lot make me feel like I'm surounded by friends
     
  9. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Ain't it great?? :biggrin:
     
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    ranger, she is 21. She won't call... Every 24 hours is amazing. This is not her, her age is it. She is young and free. She is on a vacation. I am so protective it is not funny. But you have to let go and let her fly. PTSD or not she is a good person right? She can't help how you feel, or her. I don't have kids that old. I am just about to hand over keys, no clue what it will be like when they are on their own. I am peterified over driving! But I see I need to relax. Let them live. My anxiety has bled over and I feel so bad. My 8 yo is upset and thinks accident or worse if I do not show up to pull him out of class for my doc appt. He is too young to worry but it rubs off. She will be silly and you will not hear from her, that is normal and good, and you are being normal being a parent. You just have a little extra stress with the PTSD. You cannot stop them from spreading their wings and expecting a call is unreasonable, it is being 21, not trying to be an ass (shhh, a secret they all are)
     
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