I'm afraid that I'm talking and I don't realize it. Like, if I have headphones in or if I'm so concentrating in what I'm doing or having such heavy thoughts that I just say what I'm thinking at that moment... which is super personal, inappropriate, and embarrassing. I'm not aware if this is actually happening or not. I don't know how to tell. On a related note, I do slip up and reveal painful-personal things about myself in conversation enough that it's consistent. I'm told by many people that I have great qualities. People like professors and other people I respect... but I can become pretty dark. I'm spending an awful amount of time by myself lately - in my apartment. I recently ended a friendship that was just like every other relationship I've had in my life. I'm in transition removing the toxic people from my life. Loneliness has become less intense. I'd like to have a boyfriend or a decent friend, but I either feel like I have inadequate social skills (or just that I simply am inadequate) and if I did have the opportunity to form some sort of relationship, I'd be too scared to open up because I have been hurt so much. I'm not sure what to do. I'd like to meet people, but I don't know where to go. I've been so depressed that I've resorted to taking medication for my mood. I just don't feel like I am growing. I would like to be somewhere where I learn and am challenged and I can become a person. I feel like I am behind in many ways. I'm really down on myself these days because major changes have been taking place. I think now is the time that I am in the process of letting go of the past even though it pops up constantly to some less than favorable memories of abuse - now they are ones that are either unearthed or I fully realize the meaning of what was happening at the time. I believe that I am no good according to other people and that I must be delusional. I must be horrendously awkward and not worth anybody's time. I'm just afraid.