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Is He Coming Back?

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AshleyS1990

Hello, I've been reading everyone's posts on here about a loved one distancing themselves and it has really helped to know I'm not alone. I have been dating a combat veteran who recently left because he needs his space. I went to drop off his things and he seemed to be much more upset in person than he was acting like through texts where he would barely respond. I know now from reading on here that I need to respect that space. He told me that he will be back once he feels better about himself and he can overcome some parts of his PTSD. He also fears he will never "be ready for a relationship." I guess I'm just wondering, do they usually come back? Or will he disappear forever? Thanks everyone.
 
I don't know if he will come back or not, but if it is OK, I will pray for the both of you.
 
Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Hugs if you accept them.
 
Mine has done that for three years. We date we get close, he runs. Life goes on. He comes back and the cycle repeats. Sometimes it's a few months, one time it was about 8. He can't stay away from me, but he won't stay with me. It's been six months this time and he's still around, but so wishy washy.
 
I wish I knew. Mine broke it off in March and in May said he wanted to see me and he dreamed of me. Then he went silent for 3 weeks. Now he checks in once every 4-5 weeks to say he's not dead (he was very suicidal). That's my only contact. We dated 30 years ago and he disappeared for a year and suddenly showed up on my doorstep. I'm here if you want to chat.
 
Mine has moved out and come back 3 times in 4 years, he's currently out now. They usually last anywhere from 1 week to 3 months.

Every time it happens if feels like the first time and it ALWAYS feel like it's the end.

I can't say whether yours will come back or mine but I can tell you based on my on experience that the pain is worse when you focus solely on the unknown future.

Like many people post here, you should keep busy, focus on yourself and put way less energy into what he's doing. It only makes it worse for you.

Like insists it doesn't hurt any less BUT it will prepare you to move on if he doesn't return OR it will help you to manage this kind of relationship better if he does return.

Either way unfortunately you have zero control over what he does and once you accept that, the weight of the load will lift (ever so slightly)

Sending you positive vibes and strength. You are no alone :)
 
I have decided not to ever date again. I left mine and never went back, but he was abusive, and that was why. I just cannot trust any man not to be abusive to me, so I stay away from men completely. If that is not your situation and you have been kind and so forth, than don't pay attention to me. My situation would be wildly different that yours.
 
I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words, I also thought I should elaborate more. We have been dating for 2 years. This happened once before for a month, the same time of year he left this time (October.) He seems to stay for one year, then disappear. He is very loving when we are together, talks about how he can't wait to marry me and have kids together. Now that he is gone, he has told me to move on because he doesn't know how long it will take to "get better," or if he ever will. He also says though, that he will come back and if I have a new boyfriend he will "just have to fight harder to get me back." He says he loves me with all his heart and misses me. It is very confusing.
 
My vet told me he's numb. I can only assume that any feelings he has or had for me no longer have any impact on him. As much as I love him, I love myself more. I need to feel loved, feel important, respected, cared for...he isn't capable of those feelings - not now and maybe not ever.

Best of luck to you.
 
Running away, failure to commit. Hmm... Sounds so familiar.
 
I'm not sure I'm in the right place. I haven't done a chat room. I've been with my wife for ten plus years. She is diagnosed with PTSD. We were married this year in September. She left two weeks ago claiming I'm abusive. I can't even make sense of this. Yet she calls and makes plans for us to go visit her sister for Thanksgiving. We have three children. The youngest is 14. I'm trying to keep it together but I feel like I'm falling apart. I miss her and she seems so cut off now. It seems after her surgery her triggers got worse and then her brother who tried to kill her has popped back up in her life. I have tried to always be supportive. But when she started taking things out on the kids I stuck up for them. That's when I was considered verbally abusive. I miss her. I don't know if I can just walk away. Why did she ask me to marry her after all these years . I sometimes think she is doing all these hurtful things so I walk away because she doesn't have the nerve to do it herself. I took a vow. I have always been a strong person. I feel so lonely and broken.
 
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