Changing4Best
MyPTSD Pro
I have been having trouble lately mustering up the courage to ask for help. I don't own a vehicle. My house is a mess and I am hard pressed to be able to do much housekeeping. I am so depressed and bordering on suicidal a lot of the time, or I feel like crying, but can't. I have not called into my Psychiatrist's office for an appointment. I just cannot bring myself to ask for any kind of help.
I had to go to Urgent Care a few weeks ago, and I could not even bring myself to call anyone for a ride. There I was, SICK, and I walked there. I didn't even call anyone. I also walked to the drug store, to get my antibiotics prescription filled after seeing the Dr.
One time I did actually get up the courage, maybe 3 weeks ago, to call someone and ask for a ride to the grocery store. She knew I had been sick too. I waited and waited for her to call me back. She never did so. That made it so much harder to call anyone else and ask for a ride. Finally, I took the bus. Carrying a bunch of groceries on the bus is awkward and difficult, to say the least, and you get stares....
I have looked back over my life and seen many times in which I found it difficult to ask for help. One period in my life in particular stands out. My husband had a massive stroke and was crippled and confined to a wheelchair. We had to take transit buses with chair lifts on them, in order to get to Dr.'s appointments and so on. Or I had to fold his chair up, after transferring him from it to the passenger side of the car. I had to then lift it into the back of the car. It was heavy.
Never once did I ask for help. There were times that we had to go out when the buses were not running. I did not ask a soul to help us. I just "handled it myself." I hated the thought of even asking for help back then, because the few times I did ask for it, the help was either unacceptable or it was late or it was non-existent.
I was, however, grateful if folks opened doors for us, so I could push him in his wheelchair through the doors. That was about the only help I accepted and looked forward to. It made me feel good that folks would see us coming and run ahead of us to get the door. I never asked them, though, they did that out of the kindness of their hearts. Other than that, though, I was on my own.
I seem to recall times, when I was maybe younger than 5 years old, when I might have asked for help and gotten some kind of sarcasm or rebuff from my abusers, my father and his father. My father was, for the most part, emotionally abusive. His father was a child beater and molester....
All I know is that these days, something is preventing me from wanting to reach out and ask for help. I just get this feeling like there is something wrong with asking for it, or no good will come from asking for it, so I don't.
Do you have trouble asking for help? Tell me about it, please. Is there a solution to this feeling of being reluctant to ask for help??
I had to go to Urgent Care a few weeks ago, and I could not even bring myself to call anyone for a ride. There I was, SICK, and I walked there. I didn't even call anyone. I also walked to the drug store, to get my antibiotics prescription filled after seeing the Dr.
One time I did actually get up the courage, maybe 3 weeks ago, to call someone and ask for a ride to the grocery store. She knew I had been sick too. I waited and waited for her to call me back. She never did so. That made it so much harder to call anyone else and ask for a ride. Finally, I took the bus. Carrying a bunch of groceries on the bus is awkward and difficult, to say the least, and you get stares....
I have looked back over my life and seen many times in which I found it difficult to ask for help. One period in my life in particular stands out. My husband had a massive stroke and was crippled and confined to a wheelchair. We had to take transit buses with chair lifts on them, in order to get to Dr.'s appointments and so on. Or I had to fold his chair up, after transferring him from it to the passenger side of the car. I had to then lift it into the back of the car. It was heavy.
Never once did I ask for help. There were times that we had to go out when the buses were not running. I did not ask a soul to help us. I just "handled it myself." I hated the thought of even asking for help back then, because the few times I did ask for it, the help was either unacceptable or it was late or it was non-existent.
I was, however, grateful if folks opened doors for us, so I could push him in his wheelchair through the doors. That was about the only help I accepted and looked forward to. It made me feel good that folks would see us coming and run ahead of us to get the door. I never asked them, though, they did that out of the kindness of their hearts. Other than that, though, I was on my own.
I seem to recall times, when I was maybe younger than 5 years old, when I might have asked for help and gotten some kind of sarcasm or rebuff from my abusers, my father and his father. My father was, for the most part, emotionally abusive. His father was a child beater and molester....
All I know is that these days, something is preventing me from wanting to reach out and ask for help. I just get this feeling like there is something wrong with asking for it, or no good will come from asking for it, so I don't.
Do you have trouble asking for help? Tell me about it, please. Is there a solution to this feeling of being reluctant to ask for help??