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General Is This Isolating Or Disinterest??

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Hello I am new here but have posted once in a different thread. My ex gf of 4 years (4 blissfully happy years) has recently been diagnosed with PTSD that stems from childhood. Her diagnoses came after breaking up with me saying she no longer loves me or anything in life, that she just feels numb. I am currently being put out of the house and in the process of moving belongings.

When I contact her to see when suits to get belongsings she manages to reply and seems civil in her replies. This is the only contact I have with her, she never contacts me and I have been trying to do the same as it seems she wants nothing to do with me :(. This is now the beginning of the 7th week since I have moved out. It's killing me inside that someone I love and care for so much wants nothing to do with me! She seems fine around her friends and seems to be taking to drink and drugs which worries me greatly but yet nothing I can do. Does this fit the symptom of isolating? Or does it seem more like she genuinely wants nothing to do with me? Please any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am struggling quite a bit lately.
 
It sounds to me like it does indeed fit a pattern of behavior that is found in those with PTSD. I don't know if I'd label it isolation so much as numbness.

I hesitate to say it's PTSD as I fear that doing so will prolong your suffering as it will give you hope that she will (soon) return and your relationship will resume as before. If it's PTSD she may not return, there is a danger in blaming behavior on PTSD as if the person is not making decisions for themselves. At this point I think the best thing to do is to give her space, not force contact, and work on your own healing. Learning about PTSD will help your understanding of the situation, but I wouldn't do so with the assumption that one day she will come to her senses, return to her old self, and come running back to you. Of course it would be wonderful if you could resume your relationship with her, but unless she's seeking out some type of professional help, I feel that healing to a level where she can be in a relationship is not likely, at least in the immediate future.
 
Only she can say if she is pushing you away because of PTSD or just not being into you anymore.

Emotional numbness can be related to PTSD. Drug and alcohol abuse can be fueled by PTSD and usually increases emotional numbness.

It's also unlikely that this was 100 percent perfect until it wasn't. There may have been problems and issues for awhile. Maybe she kept them hidden, maybe it's too hard to think about it now.

In terms of what you should do about it, the reason for her to push you away sort of doesn't matter. She has set a boundary and regardless of the cause, she has broken up with you. There really isn't anything you can do about it.

It's unlikely to change while she is fueling an addiction and new in treatment. Things usually get worse before they get better, and sometimes it can take years before it gets better. She won't improve or feel her feelings again until she gets sober, and she may be a ways from that.

Keep respecting the boundaries as you have been doing. I might also help to move things out on one day instead of revisiting the reality of your life together again and again.

This is a huge loss after being together for 4 years. Don't hesitate to reach out for counseling to help get through this. Almost everyone needs support sometimes. :hug:
 
Thanks so much for the replies! There are so many variables and I understand I might never get an answer but until 5 weeks ago I knew absolutely nothing about PTSD and sine her diagnosis I have done everything I can to try and educate myself. She has repeatedly said the person I new and loved is gone and that she is not that person anymore :(. It breaks my heart knowing she is suffering and breaks it even more so knowing there is nothing I can do.

I really don't recognise her behaviour and I know her very well. She has told me she is self harming again and only for her son would probably be dead :(. I know under normal circumstances it would be more black and white but when PTSD is involved I just don't know weather to believe everything she says to hurt me or weather not to take it personally. I have read about it normally getting worse before it gets better and deep down I hope this is her getting worse before getting better. I have just had a final push today and moved everything out. I am going back to put keys through the letterbox. Should I leave a message letting her know I don't hate her or could that make it worse? Being so, seemingly suddenly and completely cut out of her life is devastating to me. I was step dad to her son from previous marriage that makes it harder again. I really wish I could stop caring but am afraid to believe everything she is saying incase it is just to push me away because she thinks it is "best".

So really at this point all I can do is try look after myself and hope that maybe someday she will be fit to speak to me again? She has blocked me on social media and as I said never contacts me. Should I try hold strong and not break the "no contact"? I have found this site a godsend as no friends of family understand what PTSD even is never mind its symptoms and just think she is treating be fairly badly :(. Thanks to you kind people who take the time to replay to help this heartbroken man try to make some sense of all of this :).
 
I understand your pain and confusion. And your powerlessness. I think sometimes that is the hardest part. Being so severly shut out.
Maybe as time goes by you will start to remember little things that were changing that you really didn't pay much attention to at the time.
We are very good at hiding things we don't want others to know.
And just as with her, things may get worse for you,like now, you are so hurt and confused, before it gets better.
We all wish we could get answers...but it doesn't work that way.
If she has stated no contact, then honor that. What supporters fail to realize, is that contacting them is more about you than them.
It is to ease your pain of not knowing and powerlessness.
When we ask you to stay away..it is because we know you will get hurt.
We don't understand ourself..much less be able to help someone that loves us.
If need be..go to therapy yourself. You don't have to suffer thru this alone.
I know you are going to miss the little boy and worry about him. So You are carrying a big load yourself.
Leaving the keys...
You can simply leave a note saying you love her. Nothing else.
I'm am so sorry that this is happening. My heart heart's for you and her and her little boy. That is the monster PTSD, it doesn't care who it takes down. I'm sorry.
 
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What boundaries around contact has she communicated with you? Has she said she wants no contact?

No boundaries around contact have been communicated at all! I have been going by her actions. How it unfolded for us was the start of this year she started to change, us fighting more, her becoming agitated etc. Within 6 weeks of the new year it went from a seemingly loving happy relationship to breaking up with me and asking me to move out. In the time i have been out I tried to text her about light hearted things but her responses where all one worded answers, no real grounds for convo. Then 1 weekend that she had spent on a complete drinking binge, her friend told her things that she had "heard" i had said all of which where twisted versions of the truth. After that she blocked me completely from social media. I text her to see if she had blocked me or deleted her account. She was very cold and nasty with me saying she thought it was best because of the things her friend had told her (all false). She told me she blocked all my friends on social media (lies only me and my family) When I told her I knew she didn't block my friends she told me she has deleted her account (also lies).

About a week later after a counselling session she was in contact and got me over to speak in person saying that after her counselling session she knew she had to apologise to me for saying all she said, that she was drunk and twisting everything in her head. I told her it was ok and I don't blame her. It was left on good terms, just see you later. I didn't bother confronting her on her lies incase it makes it worse. This was about 2 weeks ago. Since then the only contact between us is me telling her I'm coming for things.

Its all so confusing to make sense off. You are right Ladee the wanting to contact her is probably more about me feeling so powerless. If only there was something I could do....
 
@HurtandConfused Your last paragraph: 'Its all so confusing to make sense of............if only there was something I could do...." is probably the greatest emotional issue facing the supporter. I've been on this roller coaster for 10 years and I share this same feeling you have every day. Through counseling and listening to the wonderful people here, I try not to take it personally and I do give her the space and time.

As your original question asks: "Is it isolation or disinterest?" I tend to agree with what everyone has already written. It could be either or both....but that is her domain. You, my friend, will grieve this loss and take however long you need to mourn and heal.

Therapy will help you heal if the feelings start running away from you. And we are here to listen whenever you need to vent or someone to listen to you.

I do sense your pain. You are not alone, we walk beside you. Take care.
 
@HurtandConfused You've already gotten good advice, and I'll reiterate it. Take it at face value. She says she's done, then take her at her word and consider it done. Figure out your own boundaries - that might mean, if she contacts you and starts on about missing you, nip it in the bud, if that's the route you want to take. Or whatever it means to you to keep your own self safe and sane.

I was (and to an extent still am) at an impasse with myself - my sufferer has been abandoned so many times, and in fact, it was a misunderstanding that led him to believe I WAS abandoning him, which led him to pushing me away entirely. So, what to do? I told him one last time I was not abandoning him, and if he was still in it, so was I. And then I (emotionally at least - we're still stuck living together for a bit yet) walked away, like he asked me to. He still acts like nothing is wrong on occasion, uses pet names (my own boundary - I try to shut that down), and in the next sentence talks about "when we're divorced."

There is literally nothing we can do for them when they push us away like that.

It's crazy making and maddening, and the only thing you can do now is take her at her word, and keep living your own life. And get counseling for yourself. I never thought it would be helpful for me, but it definitely is, if for nothing else, to have someone who "gets it," and will help you navigate through your own abandonment.

Also (I've been touting this book all over!), The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love by Susan Anderson has been a huge help for me. Some of it may be kind of "out there," for some, but use what you can and leave the rest, as they say.

And really, know, you are NOT alone.
 
I am truly overwhelmed by the help here thank you all so much! I am so glad to talk to and get advice from people who understand, it is surprisingly difficult in my circle of friends.

It sounds to me like it does indeed fit a pattern of behavior that is found in those with PTSD. I don't know if I'd l...

That is exactly what I was afraid to cling on to also, that maybe if her PTSD symptoms disappeared she would return and pick up where we left off. Thankfully she is getting professional help once a week and hope she continues to do so. I am glad to get the advice I have here today, I now know that her leaving me could be herself or PTSD related and whichever it is there is no guarantee of a relationship :(. Although it breaks my heart I know I need to try and care for myself.

I have in front of me the dreaded hand over of the keys, its hard because its the end, there will be no reason to contact her now :(.
I think I will maybe just post them through the letterbox in an envelope with a note saying "I love you" or should I communicate anything else before I fear all contact will cease?

Oh feelings!!!! :mad::mad:
 
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