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Isolation and socializing

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Lionheart

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I am told that PTSD sufferers tend to isolate themselves. I don't know why that is unless perhaps it is due to mistrust of others. :poke: I have isolated myself for many years. I like to get out sometimes, but now I avoid bars *(drinkers) and the old crowd that I used to hang out with. Now my therapist is suggesting that I get out and socialize. I find myself in need of suggestions and tips for getting out and socializing with people, now that I am lacking in friends, (except for my cyber-friends).

Your thoughts and ideas are more than welcome, and while you're at it, if you want to share your experiences with isolation and socializing please do.

Thanks
:smile:
~Lewie~
 
For me isolation happended for 2 reasons:

Not trusting others or myself.
Being negative (kind of depressed) made others go away.

So now there are times when I hide how I really feel so that people don't see how negative I really am. A lot of times I got isolated also by a lack of subject for ocasional conversation. This put me in a position were I wasn't just that interesting to talk to. Together with my shyness, it was really hard to make any friends at all.

Slowly I got to talk about a movie, the weather, a perfume, a store, a tv show, etc. Slowly I learned to look into people's atitudes to not jump in conclusions too early. Now I am also very aware of how much I actually project my abusers in other people, this helps too because now I don't run from new people for this reason.
 
Ursa;
Yes, the part you said about projecting my abusers in other people. I do that a lot too. This statement really helped me.

I'm very wary of humans in general and, at least for now, I seem to do my best and stay stable by avoiding them for the most part. My stress levels stay lowest when I'm at home or doing something alone.

My nervous system goes into hyperalert around people and I don't know if this will ever change. But for now, I don't really get lonely and when I do occasionally, I have a friend or two that I can call on or stop by their place of employment and say HI.

I guess what I'm saying is that I kinda do my best when I'm alone. I'm pretty comfortable with it.......and my social skills seem ok when I am with people.........but I sort of envision myself as a loner and I'm OK with it.

But yes, it stems from fear of being judged, hurt or otherwise abused by others. I find most people pretty annoying. I don't know if I"m more negative than others, but I seem to get the feeling that a lot of people find people annoying, especially when you have to serve them.

I've had so many jobs where people abused me simply because they were paying me and I let them get away with it. I'm just tired of the abuse so I tend to avoid humans..........

I don't know if this is really healthy.......but for now I"m OK with it. I have less stress and anger.
 
Quick reply:

For me, a big source of isolation over the years has been a sociological symptom to compulsively withdraw for long periods of time. Made it difficult to maintain relationships. The isolation itself is essentially one of my symptoms. It's habitual and behavioral. And I am working hard to develop new habits and mechanisms to deal with the other parts of my PTSD that can trigger this symptom.

This symptom overlaps several other facets of my disorder: self esteem issues, trust issues and many other social symptoms including speech patterns, accommodating the wrong sort of people (who would walk all over me) while talking down good people, compulsions to reinvent myself as a flight mechanism along with simply not fitting in for years while my childhood trauma was ongoing.
 
Isolation is easy.....LOL!!!!! Socializing on the other hand can be anxiety provoking, cause stress, and make you want to isolate more........Vicious cycle we have going on here.

Actually it is hard to start, but once you get where you are going, it gets easier.....It isn't easy for those of us that have PTSD, because for the majority of us, drinking is a no no, so that kind of leave the bar scene out. My therapist said to go offer my services at a food pantry, a local church that needs help, offer services to tutor children, and then there is always your local hospital where they need help all the time......

Good luck, I am still working on trying to get out the door to do any of these. I'm just to tired after work to care really, and I love being alone.......I love the peace, and contentment...
 
Lewie

Isolatin seems to be a common problem for all of us in varying degress. I am one of those that can't seem to get out the door unless pushed yelling and screaming.

I actually get physically ill at the thought of leaving the house.. From one hermit to another--Fight this!
The longer you "stay in" the more difficult it becomes to leave the house. It cost me my job, so fight like hell.

I wish I had some suggestions for. All I can offer is support and an occassional
"ATTA BOY"
 
Interesting topic!

I am safest at home... I don't like to socialize and I avoid crowds, otherwise I have to deal with anxiety. I isolate myself to avoid abandonment and I don't trust anyone. I do not allow others to get close to me. I do go to work and I may go out with family, but I prefer to be alone. I think I would never leave the house if I could get away with it! LOL

Volunteering is a good idea to meet people. Maybe you can volunteer with an organization that interest you! Find something you really enjoy! :)

Emma
 
Hi there, I used to live in isolation. I never really understood why. I have come to understand now that I am healing that it is a self protection mechanism. I actually enjoy going out and connecting with others but when I am triggered I hide away and I think I am not good enough. I do however find it extremely difficult connecting with a lot of females as I can't relate to their struggles. For me they seem so trivial as most of my struggles have been life or death. I used to think they were shallow or something and reject them but I have come to realise that I am the one with the issue here. I have not had much experience with everyday issues. Hope this makes sense.
 
Grama-Herc,

I've wanted to let you know by the way that the warnings you post regularly on these forums regarding agoraphobia have served me as a source of inspiration. Months ago I was lost in a cloud. My resources were so very limited. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to fight against or for anything again or if I even ever should try. But you helped me gain clarity and prioritize in this regard. Even though I was told to try and "take it easy" and "be kind to myself" regarding most my symptoms, your warnings encouraged me to approach my doc regarding creeping agoraphobia. And between your warnings and her advice, I began to fight that set of symptoms. I fought hard.

And it has paid off. I now eat out once a week by myself. Additionally, once a week I meet a different friend or acquaintance for a lunch date, preferring that they suggest someplace I've never been (under the guise of wanting to know more corners of NYC! most don't know of my disorder!). It was so very very hard at first. And when I wanted to turn around and bag on each lunch alone or each date, I'd hear or see your cautionary words in some corner of my mind and muster. Thank you for the courage you inspired. Thank you so much.

I know it was ultimately up to me to do that fighting (and I still continue to fight!). But I do believe that we can at times lend strength to each other. I feel your warnings did just that for me. I wish there was some way to reciprocate and lend you some of that strength and so you can start rolling back your own agoraphobia.

~ Blues
 
Hi Lewie,

I can only speak for myself, but I started to isolate myself after May 2008. I felt very ashamed, overwhelmed, -quite terrified, actually. Trust was a big issue, including trusting my own thoughts/ ideas/ self. And struggling to make sense of what was going on, and to keep my head above water.

I isolated myself in 1983/ 84, too. That was grief and shame and major depression. Plus likely a good share of guilt thrown in.

I also find that insomnia contributes to exhaustion, and that physically I feel like hell.

Also, I think for me, a large part is feeling without value, which makes it all to easy not to respond to friends and to isolate yourself. I also learned today that "keeping secrets" leads to isolation because of the shame, etc., even if it's not "physical isolation".

I think the suggestions of others are very good. I would connect with old friends, and make new ones. But whatever I did, I would choose things/ places/ people that I like, that make me feel good, or more at peace, and that are "healthier".

It will come together, not to worry, you are a very creative thinker. It will feel very good, eventually, too. I think it restores some confidence and most importantly, breaks the cyclical thoughts and patterns of dealing with ptsd.

Good luck, will be pulling for you!
 
Hey 777,

Just want to say that there are sooo many people/groups in virtually every community that need volunteers,it could be easy for you to find an organization to work with.I've found that you can meet some very nice people while donating your time to some worthy cause...such as a youth group,a church organization,work with a veterans group,help the homeless among us...the list goes on and on.A lot of people donate just a couple hours a month,and yet,it all helps

In addition to being a great way to meet people,you can gain a great deal of satisfaction for yourself by reaching out to help others less fortunate than ourselves.

There are even volunteer organizations for singles that combine doing volunteer work with a social component afterwards.I help out with a group called "One Brick",and usually after a couple of hours doing some form of volunteer work,we go out for burgers and beers.Yes, it can be hard for me to make it to these events sometimes,but when I can overcome my fears,I'm always glad I went and participated.I never fail to come home with a warm feeling knowing that I've been able to help someone :)

Peace and Hope...jefferylee
 
I killed two birds with one stone. I joined a running club at Christmas last year. It has been great! A new circle of mates in my area. A regular social activity, and the added bonus of physical exercise! It really has been a life line for me. Done me a power of good. I know running isn't for everyone but there are loads of other groups that can get you out of the house.

Joining something like a sports club is also handy if , like me, you could do with shifting a few pounds.

I have gone from a tight 38" waist to a baggy 36" and approaching 34" in six months. It has been great. I put a suit on the other day that I haven't worn in ten years!
 
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