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Isolation and socializing

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Hi everyone, first time poster here.

I'm so glad I've found this site and, more importantly this thread. Isolation is probably my most debilitating PTSD symptom and it's so good to find advice / understanding / relatability.
I've now isolated myself so fully that I often wonder how (and if) I will ever go about undoing it. Not only do I study from home... I now do all my shopping online and have pretty well cut off all my friends, except cyber friends. Furthermore, to really hammer home the isolation, I've always been overweight but in the past couple of years I've really stacked it on (nothing eliminates the possibility of friendships and socialisation faster than being the 'fat girl') and the most recent development is my twisted sleeping pattern - I absolutely cannot sleep unless the sun is shining, so I've basically turned into a vampire.
Having said all this - it's so good to know that not only do other people experience these things... but they can overcome them. I think this site is going to be really helpful :occasion:
 
So Unsociable

Hi everyone,

This is my first real post in the Full Members area, so please be gentle with me! :)

I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this but my PTSD causes me to be really un-sociable.

I would much rather just stay in my room and read, write, browse the internet, tidy up etc rather than talk to other people. I used to be an extrovert and a real social person, but now when my friends ask me to go for a drink, I normally brush them off.

I've given myself a pat on the back for today - between lectures, I went to a coffee shop (spent an hour studying by myself and people watching and then my friend joined me for lunch, which I did enjoy.) He'd tried to arrange a date to see me twice before and both I'd cancelled at quite late notice cos I didn't feel up to it. I'm pleased that I enjoyed his company.

And I also find I'm increasingly irritable towards people for doing tiny little things. My housemate just came in asking if he and our other housemate could use some of my butter, I said yes but that I had very little left, he said oh ok then we wont use yours and then after a little story about what he'd done last night, he left. That was 20 mins ago and I'm still feeling pumped with whatever emotion it is (I'm really bad at identifying them, but I'm learning.)

Is anyone else like this? What do you do?

Thanks,

S&S
 
S&S, Welcome to the full member area! Lol!

I completely understand what you're saying. I have been losing interest in spending time with a lot of friends that I used to and would rather just read a book and sleep the day away. I have isolated myself lately and I know its wrong. It's not good at all. But it's hard to get out of or to stop.
I can't say I know how to change that. I find its not something as simple as 'Just doing it anyway'. I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this. It's completely understandable.

Manic
 
Welcome to the forum, Sticks-and-Stones :hello: I've merged your thread with another one on isolation and being unsociable, as there are already several discussions on this topic.

As Manic said, you're definitely not alone in this.
 
For me, isolation is a symptom of my depression, and it is a vicious self-feeding cycle. At first, especially since I didn't have the diagnosis back then, it was easy to say I was doing the job I have from home so that we wouldn't have to put the kids in daycare, it would save on clothes, gas, food, etc. Now I've been working from home for 7 years and it is crushing me. I can't concentrate on my work, and just today I got an e-mail from a supervisor saying that I need to explain my pathetic performance (my words, not hers). I've got dozens of job applications in, but this is not an opportune time to be job hunting obviously. The stress from the job adds to the stress of PTSD and maintaining my marriage and taking care of the kids, and so on and so on, which makes it even more difficult to do my job properly. Basically life sucks right now :(
 
Isolation was why I first started therapy, I woke up one day and realized I hadn't actually left the house for several months. I have a very obliging hubby who was taking care of all the running around and so I'd taken advantage of that, now though he "encourages" me to go to town at least once a week, he's a diversional therapist and he has lots of sneaky ways of "encouraging " me to do what I wouldn't willing do ie going shopping etc. Now I'm a little better he's got me to volunteer at the local nursing home when I'm up to it, I read the newspaper, play games and help with craft at the home. He suggested working with children originally but honestly their noise and quick movents send me right off, so older people it is, I've volunteered there several times now and am enjoying the outtings, for me though it is a fairly safe environment, hubby works there and is not that far away if things go belly up, it's a beginning though.
 
Gosh, and to think I was telling myself I'm just shy....Isolation is a big issue for me, especially now. I don't socialize (I never have, not really, perhaps dating from an earlier trauma than the latest one). The thought of ever throwing a party terrorizes me.
I push myself to go out on Tuesday evenings (when my son regularly sleeps at a friend's house), hardly ever make it out.
My house is both a safe haven and a source of stress with my son. Most of the time we get along well but if we've been out and about, I notice the moment we return home tension and anxiety start.
Anyway, I have questions regarding children's PTSD but will look for an appropriate thread for that.
 
Hi Manic,

And thanks for the welcome!

Yes I know. Like you, I know it's wrong and I can see myself doing it... but yet I have no strong desire to change it.
I've definitely given up with my "silly" friends - i.e. the ones who are good fun to go for a night out with because they're full of beans and don't take themselves too seriously.
Right now, they know nothing of what I'm going through, and it would be almost inappropriate for me to explain it to them as the normal subject of conversation is light-hearted banter, rather than a deep'n'meaningful.

But I'm trying to maintain my close friendships with other people. I've told a couple of them what's going on and that if I cancel our arrangement without using our pre-arranged code word (which means that something really bad has happened) that they should come over anyway and persuade me.

It's also my birthday coming up and people are starting to ask me what I'm going to do to celebrate... and to be honest, I don't know if I want to put that amount of pressure on myself. The last time I organised a party at which I *had* to be, a close friend of mine died suddenly so we had to cancel. I'm obviously not expecting that to happen again (God forbid!) but even the second to last time I was at a party, I had a flashback and ran home I was so scared. How do I cope if that were to happen at my own party?? (I have some coping techniques now though so I'm more prepared than I was a couple of weeks ago.)

Thanks for your reply,

S&S
 
S&S,

Well may I start off by saying how strong you are. I know how it is to have someone very close pass away. :Hug_emoticon:

Practice some grounding techniques so that if you do get triggered you can keep it under control. Also remember that if you do get triggered and you need a break, that's okay! Go to the bathroom, go to your bedroom, just find some place where you can be alone and recenter yourself. Then when you're ready go back out to the party.
Do you have someone at the party that you can talk to if you get worked up?
I have a ring that I wear that I use to ground myself. When I begin to dissociate or panic when I'm at work or in a public setting, I look down at my ring and use it to ground myself.
"It is sterling silver, has some scratches, fits loosely on my thumb, and I did not have this ring when I was hurt so I am not there, I am here. I am safe. I am okay"
Self talk is very important! You have to believe that you will be okay.
If you fear that the panic attack is going to get worse and worry that your friends are going to notice and oh no you need you cancel the party, it's going to worse. Instead tell yourself, "You know what? I am okay. I'm going to get through this panic attack and I'll go out and have fun!"
One saying I enjoy is "I have PTSD. PTSD does not have me."

Manic
 
For most of my life I have been very shy and kept to myself for the most part especially when life is stressful. Toward about the last 5 years of my marriage I started becoming much more social and became involved in the community. Having my daughter changed me that way. We were on the go every day....After my marriage ended I crawled in my cave and didn't really come out. I dropped all social contacts, all but one friend. I quit leaving the house unless I had to. My office is at home so I don't have to leave much.

When I met my exSO, who is a very social person, I was out and about so much more and really felt like I had a life. Now I am back in my cave. Extremely lonely, lonely, lonely, but new in town and not sure how to make friends. Afraid to make friends. Afraid to leave the house some of the time. I feel like I will always be alone, that my judgement in people is skewed.
 
I have been doing the isolation thing for way too long. Lately, I've been trying really hard to force myself to get out on whatever excuse pops up. I feel that will help me, eventually.

Lionheart777:
Sometimes it feels like everyone got a rule book on how to be social except for me. Can anyone relate to that?
Yes, I have said nearly the exact same words to myself! I hate feeling so awkward, but I should be used to it. I've never felt I fit in -- at least until I found this forum!

I do have grandchildren; and feel loads of guilt and shame that most of the time I do not feel "up to" their need of an energetic playmate. I also have a wonderful husband who tries his best to help me deal with all my issues. So, I'm trying to be grateful for what I have.

I hear lots of suggestions to go out and volunteer. These are good, and I know the value of helping others to help yourself feel better. My problem is that I never know how I'll be feeling from day to day, so I can't commit to being somewhere at a certain day/time. Right now, it's sleep issues. How do I volunteer to help anyone, if that morning (like today) I wake up at 2:30 and can't get back to sleep? I get so tired and grouchy by 10am that I can't even stand to be around myself. I don't socialize well even feeling my best, let alone when I'm that tired.

So, I come on this forum, and try to look for ways I can help, here. And, I'm working hard on learning positive affirmations.
 
Well may I start off by saying how strong you are. I know how it is to have someone very close pass away. :Hug_emoticon:
Manic

Thank you so much for your reply Manic.

It is horrible losing someone so close... in my case especially as he was only 21 and it was a tragic accident. Not for the first time in my life, I found myself asking "why him, why now, why?"
I'm sorry you've been through something similar. :Hug_emoticon:

You know, funnily enough after an "incident" in January, I suddenly got a strange compulsion to dig out a ring that my ex gave me. I suppose wearing it gives me a sense of safety and reassurance, even though I don't have any feelings for him anymore, it transports me back to a happier time. I play with it when I'm anxious and fidgety too.
I will try using grounding techniques centred around it in future too.

Yes, my birthday is next weekend. And I'm starting off slowly and gently by having a dinner party in my flat for 8 people. I enjoy cooking and playing host and it'll be in the safety of my own house so if I do need to disappear for a while to ground myself, I can easily go to my bedroom which is my favourite place to go. Also, one of the people there will be my housemate who studies psychology and we're very close.
The day after, the plan is to go out for a meal, then drinks after. That'll be a step further out of my comfort zone, but I will do it. Just imagine what a big pat on the back I'll be able to give myself for coping with it! :)

"I have PTSD. PTSD does not have me." Thanks :smile:
 
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