• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Issues With Ptsd

Status
Not open for further replies.

LexiRose

New Here
Hello everyone,

I am a 21 year old female diagnosed with PTSD for sexual assault from my ex boyfriend. During this period of time that I was dating him, it was small time period, but it did a lot of emotional damage. I was dating him for about 6 months.

Anyways, he wound up getting a girl pregnant, completely denied it to me for months. Said that I was the one going crazy and imagining things and that I was just insecure. He was very emotionally abusive, mentally, sexually, and even spiritually going as far to question my relationship with God. I felt trapped, hopeless during the whole thing and had thoughts of suicide at the worst times. When I tried to leave he said "I don't have an easy out, you don't get one either." He sexually assaulted me more than once when I clearly told him I wanted to stop but he physically forced me. I would say I was assaulted 4 to 5 times.

So I knew I needed to get away from this guy and with family help, I did. I went to the pastor of my church and told him about this, and I didn't receive much support at all and I actually felt he blamed me for the sexual assaults. I felt like they didn't take me seriously, all to keep the peace of the church and I was extremely hurt.

I should clarify that my ex boyfriend was at that same church, so I felt they were trying to protect him.

Anyways, since that time I have struggled a lot. I do have flashbacks when engaging in sexual activity with my boyfriend a lot. I also feel like I'm going to be murdered all of the time. I would tense up when cars were passing me, because I felt like I was about to be shot. The WHOLE thing was traumatic For me, not just the sexual assault. Would it be possible to have cptsd from this or is it just regular PTSD? I have panic attacks when going to that church, and in church that is a part of that organization as well. I felt trapped at the church as well because I felt like I couldn't leave without being condemned to hell or someone saying I hadn't forgiven my ex boyfriend if I have to leave that church.

I also have nightmares a lot, but not just about the assault, they have been about me dying. The other night I had a dream that wolves came to my door of my house and we're trying to kill me and I had to shut them out. The nightmares are pretty frequent but the common theme seems to be me dying.

Would like if any one has any insight on what might possibly be going on.
 
Have you talked to a professional? If you haven't already you can read the articles here on PTSD and CPTSD but no one here is qualified to say one way or another. Plus there is a bit of controversy and confusion regarding CPTSD for a lot of people so it is best left to discuss that with a professional.

Church and religion can make like harder for a victim. I would say your experience is disgustingly typical of many churches. It does so much more damage.

I don't think nightmares always have to be related to the trauma. Mine are more frequently about the emotions surrounding my trauma than the actual events. I think the nightmares about dying are pretty typical for PTSD. I posted a poll about the different tytpes of nightmares a while back. Perhaps this can help you a little. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-kind-of-nightmares-do-you-have.53485/
 
I don't know what is up with young males these days. All these rapes, sodomies, and other sick actions. I, and many others of my generation, were brought up to respect females. I hope he gets caught doing that bs someday, and gets a taste of what it is like to be the A-Block b*tch in some dank prison. Don't attend that church anymore. Your religious convictions through that church are false. You aren't going to any kind of "hell". Seems like most churches these days are more cults than anything else.
 
There are two types of "hell", both of which are not what is taught in mainstream Christianity. These realms are factual, and documented from actual NDE's (Near Death Experiences). "Hell" isn't a place of punishment; rather a place of personal reflection, and subsequent spiritual purification. I am Christian, and do believe in a Creator and a savior, but I do not follow organized religion.
http://www.near-death.com/science/research/hell.html
http://www.near-death.com/science/research/void.html
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top