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It Gets Better

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LanaD

Confident
Hi everyone,

With the help of the right therapist and in combination with self-determination, I've managed to get better. Here's a quick overview of how it worked out:

Firstly, I had a limited number of therapy sessions. Having a deadline automatically implied having a goal. This was huge. My therapist's plan was to explore the root of the pain, so if we started talking about something painful he'd make me talk about it no matter how painful, as opposed to letting it be. At first this was horrible but only talking about how horrible I felt wasn't solving anything. By getting to the root of the pain we were then able to chip away at it.

As for self-determination, after a while I decided I'd had it. Feeling bad was making me punish myself by doing more things to make me feel bad. Reading about and talking to others with similar issues was helpful to a point, but I realized that after a while I was just moping along with most others. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I learned to feel compassion for myself - these are very different things and I don't think anyone can make progress without realizing the difference. I learned compassion through therapy and explored it further on my own.

Something I want to be frank about: this website and other resources are invaluable and I couldn't have done it without them and the support of caring strangers. Thank you so very much!!! However, at one point I found myself reading too many "poor me" stories, and spending time (online and offline) with people who don't seem to want to get better but who seem to enjoy being defined and identified by their condition.

I did not want that. I wanted my life back.

I started being careful with how and who I spent my time. I went from trying to give advice to people who don't want solutions but only pity, to not spending any of my time at all on those people. Such interchanges are toxic, and in my case were noticeably counterproductive. My attitude now is that I take care of myself first, and as much as I'm happy to help others, I no longer enable the "pity partiers". This makes me feel strong and good about myself, and has also been invaluable on my road to recovery.

I hope this is helpful to someone.
 
Thank you for the fresh air. Synchronicity- was listening to a podcast- Baggage Reclaim- and there was a wonderful piece of wisdom.

We're all still here, standing. We aren't as broken as we think we are. The person who went through all the things deserves some respect for surviving. The last thing we need to beat us up for still feeling bad. We would not tell someone else who went through an ordeal, or ordeals, to suck it up and get over it. The self-punishment is something needless we do to ourselves.
 
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