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Tk3
My sufferer is a loving, intelligent woman in her late 20s who has transformed into a stranger as a result of awakening to repressed trauma related to sexual abuse when she was younger. I can't properly express on here the extent to which I am committed to seeing her through this painful (and no doubt very long) journey that she has finally realized she needs to go on. I even feel guilty having to post on here to vent.
She has been emotionally numb for all of 2017, and it's not the lack of love and intimacy that is wearing me down - I have done enough research to know that all of her emotional resources are tied up right now - it's the lack of empathy and remorse. I guess that's all in the same emotional bucket, but for some reason those are the things that I take personally. I can understand her not being able to access her feelings of love right now. But when she gives an empty apology after treating me poorly and I tell her that I would like to FEEL the apology and not just hear the words, she looks at me like I'm some annoying, high-maintenance partner. She can't possibly understand why what she's said and done isn't enough.
The longer she goes in this fog, the less she seems able to see that her behaviour is cold and hurtful. When these dormant demons woke up and took hold of her, I was able to survive the emotional withdrawal because I read up on it. What I wasn't expecting was for this to go on for so long. I was expecting a period of maybe a few months of complete emotional blankness, then maybe some stretches of her being back to herself, then more blankness and isolation. I guess I was expecting waves. Waves I knew I could ride. But this just feels like she has died - I didn't think someone could have that empty look in their eyes and that flatness in their voice for so many months.
Not sure what will happen. Days like today I sound like someone who can't handle a PTSD relationship, but 90% of the time I'm pretty patient and resilient. It's just that she can't find a therapist she likes, she's drinking a lot, and she can't seem to come unstuck - and the longer this goes, the less effort she seems to be putting in to getting better. Almost like she's just accepted this is her now. And that's what scares me. I know if she's not putting in the work to get better, to learn the skills necessary to manage her symptoms, to find a therapist she feels comfortable tackling these issues with, then she will not get better and we will not make it.
Thanks for listening. Feedback welcome.
She has been emotionally numb for all of 2017, and it's not the lack of love and intimacy that is wearing me down - I have done enough research to know that all of her emotional resources are tied up right now - it's the lack of empathy and remorse. I guess that's all in the same emotional bucket, but for some reason those are the things that I take personally. I can understand her not being able to access her feelings of love right now. But when she gives an empty apology after treating me poorly and I tell her that I would like to FEEL the apology and not just hear the words, she looks at me like I'm some annoying, high-maintenance partner. She can't possibly understand why what she's said and done isn't enough.
The longer she goes in this fog, the less she seems able to see that her behaviour is cold and hurtful. When these dormant demons woke up and took hold of her, I was able to survive the emotional withdrawal because I read up on it. What I wasn't expecting was for this to go on for so long. I was expecting a period of maybe a few months of complete emotional blankness, then maybe some stretches of her being back to herself, then more blankness and isolation. I guess I was expecting waves. Waves I knew I could ride. But this just feels like she has died - I didn't think someone could have that empty look in their eyes and that flatness in their voice for so many months.
Not sure what will happen. Days like today I sound like someone who can't handle a PTSD relationship, but 90% of the time I'm pretty patient and resilient. It's just that she can't find a therapist she likes, she's drinking a lot, and she can't seem to come unstuck - and the longer this goes, the less effort she seems to be putting in to getting better. Almost like she's just accepted this is her now. And that's what scares me. I know if she's not putting in the work to get better, to learn the skills necessary to manage her symptoms, to find a therapist she feels comfortable tackling these issues with, then she will not get better and we will not make it.
Thanks for listening. Feedback welcome.