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Keeping yourself alive when you want to kill yourself

Discussion in 'Anonymous' started by Nobim, Sep 13, 2017.

  1. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    What are some things that help you keep yourself alive when you want to kill yourself and feel like there's no hope for you? Its silly that I can be encouraging to others but inside feel like its the end for me. I just feel like I have been trying to heal and overcome these things for so many years with so little progress and I wonder what is even the purpose of my debilitated, worthless life? It feels like everyone would be so much better off without me. It feels like I'd be better off not having to deal with the pain and with the shame of how crippled my life is by this disorder. I just wondered if anyone had some thoughts about hope, about healing, about possibilities. My brain has run pretty dry on these things, and thought maybe someone else might have something to say that might help me realize I can choose to keep trying.
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  3. Olabu

    Olabu Anonymous

    This may not be a reply of hipe but what keeps me hanging on in those moments is thinking of those I leave behind and how insanely hurt they will be. You may not realize just how hurt.

    This video always helps me to remember that (read the English and ignore the other language. It's the only video of this veruson I can find):

    Good Charlotte - Hold On (Legendado)
    Ronin likes this.
  4. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    I think they'd be hurt, but also incredibly relieved to not be burdened by me anymore. I can't work. I can barely leave the house. All I can do for them is clean the house and make dinner and try to make that part of their lives easier. But some days I can't even do that.
    DandylionWishes likes this.
  5. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    Thanks for the video, I'll check it out
  6. Emazu

    Emazu Anonymous

    If it is really bad, I call my therapist. I think it helps to realize that you are not alone in having those feelings. I've been there. Many people here have been there. Distract, distract, distract. In other words do something that involves something physical. Petting a cat or dog. Or walking outside and looking at the beauty that surrounds you. I have a flower garden so I dig in the dirt, or pet my cats or play catch with the dog or if you have a dog like mine watch them run off with the ball. Get out of your head.
    Junebug and Ronin like this.
  7. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    Thanks, those are great ideas. I sometimes get so stuck in my head I forget these strategies.
    Maybe if I do them these thoughts and feelings will calm down for a while.
    Junebug likes this.
  8. Ila

    Ila Anonymous

    Remembering there's still enough bastards that'd be way too happy I'm finally out, and way many people to live for, even though I haven't met them maybe, yet.

    Also the thought since I f*cked it up before, and others f*cked it up for me, I might just end up more crippled, and no thanks, crippled isn't on my list-to-be when what I want is just plain, sticking, clear cut death.
    DandylionWishes likes this.
  9. Ugim

    Ugim Anonymous

    I have the memories of having responded to suicide calls as a first responder. I remember the weight, the horrible sadness and loss that all feel when around the remains, the looks on even hardened medics faces and the somberness of the sherriff and chaplain as they prepared themselves for delivering news. I even saw that delivery and there was no way to prepare for that.

    I have spent my whole life with no thought of ever turning my home into a crime scene in any way, and spent great amounts of energy making sure that no one else did either. I would hate for my last act to be making my home a place that no one wanted to visit, or remember, with crime scene tape and a sherrifs notice on the front door.

    I can change things while I am alive, but after a suicide everything is permanent and it is awful.

    I think about all of that, from beginning to end. I know what works, what doesn't, whats gruesome, whats not, who will see it, who won't have to, all of it, including the next forty years of my kids lives. even my pets. and my enemies. All of it.

    Sometimes I feel like I need to go too, like I am food that has gone bad and cannot be saved, gotten rid of without a thought.. It isn't the reality, it's the depression and PTSD warped thinking.. The reality is the aftermath, I have seen that. I have never seen a suicide where anyone agreed it was a good thing and the right thing to do. Only one person ever thought that, and they are dead, so their vote doesn't count. i may think I need to be gone, but my vote doesn't count.

    Thats what I think about, until..........SQUIRREL!
  10. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    This was a really helpful point. I almost committed suicide 9 years ago, but backed out, and since then have met some awesome people I'm so glad I met.

    such a good point, I definitely don't want that
  11. Imeh

    Imeh Anonymous

    Thanks for all these great points, @Ugim, I really appreciate these thoughts.
    DandylionWishes and Junebug like this.
  12. Alici

    Alici Anonymous

    I still struggle with SI occasionally, but I spent years where it was there every day. Then at some point, it turned out people were right - this really is a treatable illness, and we do get better, and better.

    It's slow, and it's not fair, and it's just plain awful every way you look at it. But you can, and will, recover. That's why we get treatment. It's not palliative, it does work. And in the meantime, you have people here who understand what it's like - you're not going through this alone.
    Kassie and JadesJewel like this.
  13. Mosi

    Mosi Anonymous

    I tell myself, what if I give up now, I'll never know what's ahead, maybe something really good is just around the corner, if I do this, I'll never find out.
    Kassie likes this.
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