littleoc
MyPTSD Pro
hello, I hope you're having a wonderful day so far :)
Does anyone have advice to prevent dissociations when driving? Or better yet, how would I handle it safely?
Background:
I've been learning to drive. My mother is ever-patient and is willing to attempt to teach me again (she tried when I was 16, and it was too much for me at the time; I couldn't go above 9 or maybe 6 miles an hour, she told me, and after the first lesson I never asked again to be taught, despite it having gone very well (the first time I parked was perfect).
My mother doesn't know what I'm afraid of, or why I'm so afraid to drive. Not fully, anyway. I'm too shy to share, despite being confident in every other aspect of my life. Unfortunately I have powerful sense of empathy (not too unfortunately) coupled with an excellent memory, even for a human without a TBI. I remember every car accident I've been told about, even of other people's (because of the empathy, which I hope makes sense the way I worded it), and thanks to the intrusive thoughts of OCD I can't stop seeing them happen. I am most terrified of "visions" showing me dying painfully, but not because of my own well-being, but because my mother might witness it and feel guilt, or my brothers and sister and her baby would miss me and be traumatized, etc. I also worry that I would have to witness others getting hurt and feel so, so helpless. It's a feeling I already know what to do with, though -- I (and many others around here) understand helplessness. I've gotten better at dealing with such horrible thoughts. I picture the event again, only instead of the intrusive thought, I picture an improbable or equally helpful solution. My favorite is Godzilla on her weird unnatural movements picking up cars to save everyone. It helps me notice that the event is not real, but in my head. Alternatively I have a slightly more realistic solution, if my brain thinks it needs closure of some kind, something to prevent the event in the intrusiveness thoughts.
When I was learning to drive, I had my service dog seatbelted in the back seat, right behind me. (I might have mentioned this elsewhere on the forum...?) She mostly looked curious about where we were going, as I kept parking and driving around a parking lot because I wasn't comfortable with the car yet.
I'm wondering if I should be more worried about intrusive thoughts, dissociations behind the wheel, and other problems. My service dog is not trained to bark in the car, nor can she approach me while seatbelted (I will always seatbelt her, for her safety, no matter what the trainers say) -- in no way has she been trained to suggest when it would be time to pull over. She might know when to stop me from going.. I'm not sure.
I haven't dissociated in a while, but I'm so afraid it will be behind the wheel... so, back to the original question. Does anyone have advice to prevent this? How does one prevent dissociations in this context, or better yet, how would I handle it safely? I truly believe that with effort I will learn to drive. But I'm still afraid of cars, machinery in general...
Thank you, even if you don't know the answer :)
Does anyone have advice to prevent dissociations when driving? Or better yet, how would I handle it safely?
Background:
I've been learning to drive. My mother is ever-patient and is willing to attempt to teach me again (she tried when I was 16, and it was too much for me at the time; I couldn't go above 9 or maybe 6 miles an hour, she told me, and after the first lesson I never asked again to be taught, despite it having gone very well (the first time I parked was perfect).
My mother doesn't know what I'm afraid of, or why I'm so afraid to drive. Not fully, anyway. I'm too shy to share, despite being confident in every other aspect of my life. Unfortunately I have powerful sense of empathy (not too unfortunately) coupled with an excellent memory, even for a human without a TBI. I remember every car accident I've been told about, even of other people's (because of the empathy, which I hope makes sense the way I worded it), and thanks to the intrusive thoughts of OCD I can't stop seeing them happen. I am most terrified of "visions" showing me dying painfully, but not because of my own well-being, but because my mother might witness it and feel guilt, or my brothers and sister and her baby would miss me and be traumatized, etc. I also worry that I would have to witness others getting hurt and feel so, so helpless. It's a feeling I already know what to do with, though -- I (and many others around here) understand helplessness. I've gotten better at dealing with such horrible thoughts. I picture the event again, only instead of the intrusive thought, I picture an improbable or equally helpful solution. My favorite is Godzilla on her weird unnatural movements picking up cars to save everyone. It helps me notice that the event is not real, but in my head. Alternatively I have a slightly more realistic solution, if my brain thinks it needs closure of some kind, something to prevent the event in the intrusiveness thoughts.
When I was learning to drive, I had my service dog seatbelted in the back seat, right behind me. (I might have mentioned this elsewhere on the forum...?) She mostly looked curious about where we were going, as I kept parking and driving around a parking lot because I wasn't comfortable with the car yet.
I'm wondering if I should be more worried about intrusive thoughts, dissociations behind the wheel, and other problems. My service dog is not trained to bark in the car, nor can she approach me while seatbelted (I will always seatbelt her, for her safety, no matter what the trainers say) -- in no way has she been trained to suggest when it would be time to pull over. She might know when to stop me from going.. I'm not sure.
I haven't dissociated in a while, but I'm so afraid it will be behind the wheel... so, back to the original question. Does anyone have advice to prevent this? How does one prevent dissociations in this context, or better yet, how would I handle it safely? I truly believe that with effort I will learn to drive. But I'm still afraid of cars, machinery in general...
Thank you, even if you don't know the answer :)