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Learning to drive, but afraid of dissociation

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littleoc

MyPTSD Pro
hello, I hope you're having a wonderful day so far :)

Does anyone have advice to prevent dissociations when driving? Or better yet, how would I handle it safely?

Background:

I've been learning to drive. My mother is ever-patient and is willing to attempt to teach me again (she tried when I was 16, and it was too much for me at the time; I couldn't go above 9 or maybe 6 miles an hour, she told me, and after the first lesson I never asked again to be taught, despite it having gone very well (the first time I parked was perfect).

My mother doesn't know what I'm afraid of, or why I'm so afraid to drive. Not fully, anyway. I'm too shy to share, despite being confident in every other aspect of my life. Unfortunately I have powerful sense of empathy (not too unfortunately) coupled with an excellent memory, even for a human without a TBI. I remember every car accident I've been told about, even of other people's (because of the empathy, which I hope makes sense the way I worded it), and thanks to the intrusive thoughts of OCD I can't stop seeing them happen. I am most terrified of "visions" showing me dying painfully, but not because of my own well-being, but because my mother might witness it and feel guilt, or my brothers and sister and her baby would miss me and be traumatized, etc. I also worry that I would have to witness others getting hurt and feel so, so helpless. It's a feeling I already know what to do with, though -- I (and many others around here) understand helplessness. I've gotten better at dealing with such horrible thoughts. I picture the event again, only instead of the intrusive thought, I picture an improbable or equally helpful solution. My favorite is Godzilla on her weird unnatural movements picking up cars to save everyone. It helps me notice that the event is not real, but in my head. Alternatively I have a slightly more realistic solution, if my brain thinks it needs closure of some kind, something to prevent the event in the intrusiveness thoughts.

When I was learning to drive, I had my service dog seatbelted in the back seat, right behind me. (I might have mentioned this elsewhere on the forum...?) She mostly looked curious about where we were going, as I kept parking and driving around a parking lot because I wasn't comfortable with the car yet.

I'm wondering if I should be more worried about intrusive thoughts, dissociations behind the wheel, and other problems. My service dog is not trained to bark in the car, nor can she approach me while seatbelted (I will always seatbelt her, for her safety, no matter what the trainers say) -- in no way has she been trained to suggest when it would be time to pull over. She might know when to stop me from going.. I'm not sure.

I haven't dissociated in a while, but I'm so afraid it will be behind the wheel... so, back to the original question. Does anyone have advice to prevent this? How does one prevent dissociations in this context, or better yet, how would I handle it safely? I truly believe that with effort I will learn to drive. But I'm still afraid of cars, machinery in general...

Thank you, even if you don't know the answer :)
 
Thanks for sharing about the issue. I think its quite common, in many forms, not just those who disassociate. I've had problems around confidence and driving, especially when I was learning. I had a break from driving too as it just didn't feel right, but now I'm back to it.

From what you've said I'd give the following tips and advice:


- Work out why you want to drive, what it is to do, where you would go...and write it down. It's perfectly fine not to drive, ever, if that is the lifestyle you want.

- Once you know what it is you really want to do with the car, or the journey, then expand on it a little. Try to build a positive picture around it all. You say you are scared of cars and machines in general, and this seems like something to tackle. But I'd go about it in a nice way, of course. Perhaps get some books on cars, machines, trains, farm equipment, from your library, or search online. Focus on the shape, the beauty, the mechanics, the energy...all the positive parts of the machines. Then perhaps think of what your dream car would be, what would be inside it, what music you would play. Would you have a 1960s Austin Martin in dark green, if you won the lottery....and so on... :)

- Get out on the roads, in any form. Be this walking, cycling, on the bus, practicing driving, as a passenger, and just get used to being on or near the road, observing the sounds, the movements, the smells, and really take time to let it all sink in.

- Create a 'good luck' charm for driving. This is a pretty useful one with disassociation (which I suffer from too). You have something soothing, something you can see, hold, touch, smell, whatever...and it reminds you everything is ok. You take it with you on any car journeys and any time you are driving.

- Make your own rules for driving. What is your 'ok to drive' state, and what is below that? Write it down so you never drive below that line or mark. What is your longest journey? At what times will you drive? Do you want silence, talking, music? What is your max speed? You're the driver, it's your vehicle, you make all the rules. :)

- Finally I'd suggest meditation and relaxation techniques. I always do a short meditation before I start driving off, once I'm in the car. It means I'm not distracted, thinking about future things or where my keys are...so on. It takes me to right where I am, ready to drive.

I hope that helps!

Good luck with it! Driving can be a real challenge, but its so lovely when you can go to places you really want to go.
 
The things you describe sound like classic OCD, not PTSD dissociation. Dissociation would be about e...
Hello :) And thank you so much.

To be clearer (sorry for being unclear) I do get full dissociations, and they are sometimes related to the OCD's intrusive thoughts, which occasionally trigger flashbacks. With my service dog seatbelted, I'm a bit afraid that something would go wrong.

As for tackling other OCD fears, must of them are mild enough these days to just ignore. Needing to wear flip flops in the shower does t hurt anyone, nor does needing to shower every night -- I could turn the temperature down to dry out my skin less, but it's not disruptive enough to worry about right away. The biggest OCD problems I tackle with logic or the opposite of logic depending on the situation.. and I can't quite recall it currently. I think I must have dealt with stress at its source?

Thanks for sharing about the issue. I think its quite common, in many forms, not just those who di...
It did help, thank you :)
 
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My first question would be - what is dissociation like for you? There is a wide range of dissociation. It can be normal, esp. when driving. We get distracted or preoccupied with a thought, and we miss an exit. Everybody does it. I have dissociative identity disorder, at the other end of the spectrum. When I dissociate, I am usually completely amnesiac for whatever happens. But I have insiders that take over for me, so we don't have an accident.

I also have intensely intrusive thoughts (and OCD). I use mindfulness when I'm doing something I need to focus on in order to stay in the present and not, for example, with the thoughts. That has helped tremendously in the past few years.
 
I would recommend taking driving lessons from a trained professional, rather than a family member. The professionals are used to teaching people who are anxious, apprehensive, downright terrified, etc, and can help a person to work through those emotions and thoughts while also teaching appropriate driving skills. Practice with family is ok, but learn from a professional.

While you're driving, to stay in the present, have a verbal running commentary... say out loud what you are seeing, where you need to go or what you need to do next, etc. "I need to merge into traffic, I need to speed up to xxx to merge safely, shoulder check, signal, check side mirror, merge into traffic, maintain xxx speed...." it's a well known technique, that eventually becomes internal, and then just becomes background noise, as you gain more confidence and experience.

Are you in therapy? a T can help you work through driving issues in sessions. Maybe a T would be willing to be a passenger during a couple of lessons?

Don't take to the roads until you can do the speed limit without panic or dissociation.

And finally, actually learn how to DRIVE. Most people think gas & steer is all that's involved... not true. Learn how to adjust your seat, where your hands should actually be on the wheel, steering control, pedal control, where and how far ahead you should be looking, that your back wheels don't actually follow your front wheels (this is why people drive over curbs), how to adjust and use your mirrors, and please please please learn how to reverse (I can't tell you how many people look forward while driving backwards and then are confused about why oh why they hit something). Defensive driving is also in there, it teaches you how to react properly to other drivers, obstacles, sudden events on the road without totaling your vehicle and yourself.
 
what is dissociation like for you?

Thanks for the reply :) Dissociations are sort of varied. It seems to start with a flashback, which can make me stare off a bit. Like many others, I end up reliving the event in real time, at times. It seems to be rare in the car, though. I have maladaptive daydreaming, which when I'm jogging might give me extra energy. I seem to be able to interact with the world rather normally in that sense, however. The worst kind of dissociations I can get (which thankfully are rare) cause me to become heavily confused. I won't know the year, I will tell people the wrong age (10 or 11 usually), I won't quite remember my birthday, and I'll show other types of confusion -- all this slightly after I come to. I'll spend about two minutes (I've been told) trying to escape people around me (I won't recognize them), though my service dog is skilled at preventing me from running off too far, at preventing the dissociations altogether, and at snapping me out of them quickly. I think I'm afraid of her being prevented from doing this while seatbelted. But I refuse to let her skip seatbelt usage. The last episode like that was back in 2016, I think, after I messed up both my kneecaps in a jogging accident (thankfully I had the dog with me!) and my male friends tried to approach me to carry me home (I was in college at the time). I don't think a car would trigger this sort of response, but I'm afraid anyway. :/

While you're driving, to stay in the present, have a verbal running commentary... say out loud what you are seeing, where you need to go or what you need to do next, etc.

I love that advice, thank you :)

I'm letting my mom teach me currently, which so far is working well. Luckily, you reminded me of her just now -- with the remembering that it's not just steering and gas. She had me practice parking next to an empty bus, and made me check for the presence of people behind me. I have three siblings, and she taught all three to drive as teenagers. I'm the only late one. She was skilled enough to teach my autistic and deaf brother to drive, so maybe I won't feel too much like a special case to her? I'll look into what it costs to be trained by a professional anyway, and see if I could consider it.

Thanks to others who have responded as well :)
 
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I love that advice, thank you :)

I'm letting my mom teach me currently, which so far is working well...

Just to put things a bit in perspective, I'm a professional driver now, but I didn't actually learn how to drive until I was 23(ish), because I was terrified of driving. I grew up in a single driver home, and that person was also an amateur racer. Fantastically skilled driver, but super aggressive on civilian roads, to the point of causing other drivers to have accidents. It got so bad, that my other parent put their foot down and said they weren't allowed to drive with us kids in the car anymore. I thought, growing up, that that's how driving was supposed to be, and so I refused to learn.

When I actually started driving, I was a mess, and a terrible driver. I got my license without knowing much more than gas and steer. Once I started learning how to actually drive, as a professional, it was so much fun and I was amazed at how much I didn't know. Now, every time I see a line of pylons I want to slalom in reverse just for fun (I don't recommend this in construction zones :hilarious:).

Driving should be fun and enjoyable, it just takes confidence and practice to get there.

I hope you continue with the driving, it'll open up a whole new world for you. :hug:
 
The worst kind of dissociations I can get (which thankfully are rare) cause me to become heavily confused. I won't know the year, I will tell people the wrong age (10 or 11 usually), I won't quite remember my birthday, and I'll show other types of confusion -- all this slightly after I come to.

In my experience (and I can speak to mine only), my body functions in a kind of automatic mode when I dissociate, no matter the degree of dissociation. I continue to drive because I know this. I certainly understand your apprehension - flashbacks and dissociation are/can be scary. Are you seeing a therapist right now? If so, s/he should be able to help you learn to stay present. It takes a lot of practice, but even initially I found immense benefit. Learning to recognize when you are going to dissociate is perhaps the most important, learning techniques for being in touch with your body and things around you. Discovering that you can learn not to attach to the fear and thinking about what is happening to you. I truly believe and understand that it is our thinking and worries, etc, about the flashbacks and triggers that cause us problems, and I have learned I can lessen the effect on me by remaining present. Not easy by any means, but truly life-changing.
 
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