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Does anyone have any tips or stories for those of us whose traumas started so early, many of them being sexually-based traumas, that we have no idea what a sex drive is, what it feels like to want emotional, physical, sexual intimacy from anyone? Even the concept of attraction is extremely fuzzy, although I think I have more grounding on that than on anything else.
Is there any hope for someone like me?
Have I shared too much????? :unsure: :x3:
Nicolette, with age, breast become gravity ladenned.... my shoulder blades and back bone would feel like they were on fire at least 60-70% of the time. But with all that is going on, I have had to postpone that project. I was looking forward to that surgery for ... let's say ... 90 % physical pain reasons and the rest was for I was getting tired of the looks.
I am a sufferer, so i hope it is alright for me to post here.
I just want to say it is nice to see that other people feel the same ways I do. My biggest problem is I just do not feel pretty or attractive anymore. I am in a relationship, but it gets very hard for us because it is very hard for me to get in to that sort of mood. She thinks it is because of her, and I have tried to explain it to her that its me not her. But it has still made things hard between us.
Froggie, I definitely know how you feel as far as big boobs. Mine have always been big, and it makes me so self-conscious because I wonder whether people are talking to me or them, ya know? I did consider getting a reduction, but then I was like "no, they are me." I have had big boobs for as long as I can remember LOL. I shouldnt have to change because someone else cant control themselves.
I will just say that forcing sex can be bad too. I have hated when, even when I am assured it's "OK" and I say ahead of time that it's OK to stop at any time, when I find out later that there were flash backs and memories, and it was somehow suppressed at the time, dissociation or whatever. I feel terrible and after this happens several times, I am less inclined to believe it IS OK. I'd rather not do anything than to retraumatise. I understand that, given an abuse history and all the powerlessness that implies, it is hard to voice "stop". But it is very hurtful to me to find out after the fact that those feelings occured. And it's not that I am not trying to watch for any sign of a problem. Just TELL me! I DO NOT want mercy sex. I will not HAVE mercy sex.
If, as a sufferer, you cannot do it, let me know. Don't just go along. You have the right to say NO. No matter HOW long we have been married. You can say NO
ISH
I will just say that forcing sex can be bad too. I have hated when, even when I am assured it's "OK" and I say ahead of time that it's OK to stop at any time, when I find out later that there were flash backs and memories, and it was somehow suppressed at the time, dissociation or whatever. I feel terrible and after this happens several times, I am less inclined to believe it IS OK.
ISH
What "Doh" said really sparked an interest in me. Maybe exposure therapy can help. But at the same time it is ever frightening.