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Living A Lie - Suicidal Thoughts

Discussion in 'Depression & Suicidality' started by Moey, Jul 15, 2006.

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  1. Moey

    Moey New Member

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    I was wondering if I could get some advice on how to deal with suicidal thoughts, especially when the are overwhelming.
     
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  3. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Moey,

    Do you have some sort of support network? You really need to be with those people/person if you are having suicidal thoughts. What about a counsellor? I imagine that it would be hard with those running rampant but calling someone with skills in dealing with suicide is your best bet.
     
  4. Roerich

    Roerich M.D.

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    Suicide in response to a loss

    Moey,

    Suicide is said to be a permanent 'solution' to a temporary situation. Who can truly know the emotional hurt and suffering that a person thinking of suicide is going through? Mental health professionals are obligated to hospitalize a person who becomes a danger to self or others. Yet how is this assessment made?

    If that person is seen by a provider, one key question is asked, " Have you thought of a way to end your life?" If besides suicidal ideation, that is thinking of suicide, and a plan to carry it out is obtained, criteria is met for hospitalization, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

    We should compare a recent loss, such as financial, social, or relationship, with a chronic loss of functioning, that is worsening of depression, whether diagnosed or not, where low neurotransmitter levels in the brain cause the person to slow down. There is difficulty concentrating, dysruption of sleep and appetite (either too much or not enough), and a general feeling of not having any energy. Things that used to give pleasure no longer do.

    A severely depressed person can become catatonic, that is be unable to move, or psychotic, out of touch with reality. If they could see a therapist now or take an anti-depressant medication, they are physically unable to do so. They cannot even cry out for help, being unable to speak. They cannot take care of themselves at this stage and need hospitalization.

    Yet, the most dangerous time for someone who is severely depressed is not at this stage, because they cannot physically kill themselves. It is when they begin to feel better that they now have the energy to commit suicide.

    I hope you reach out to others here and receive the support of many, and family and friends. Our burdens are made less when we share them with others. If no one knows there is a problem, how can anyone help?

    Going to see a therapist does not mean that person is crazy. It is the first step on the road to recovery. Psychiatrists only see about 5% of people they could help, like the tip of an iceberg. Most people tell their family doctor they are depressed, or others they trust and not fear being seen in a negative light. Until the stigma of seeing a mental health professional lessens, and perhaps the current epidemic of PTSD cases from war will raise public awareness, if a person can talk about their problem they are engaging their logical brain to help lessen the emotional pain.

    Reach out to others,

    Roerich
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Hi Moey,

    Welcome to the forum. Suicidal thoughts are just part and parcel with PTSD to be quite honest. I had them for about three years, some before I knew I had PTSD, and after diagnosis. The ironic thing is, is that suicidal thoughts are often linked to depression, so what do you do? You take anti-depressants! The funny part of that is, that most anti-depressants increase suicidal thoughts as a side effect. Go figure ha!

    At a guess, your suicidal thoughts are a symptom of another major symptom, generally depression. The best way to decrease your depression, is through healthy eating, daily exercise and keeping your mind active, which means doing tasks, hobbies, working around the house, etc etc. If your sitting still, doing the usual PTSD reclusive actions, then your not helping these thoughts along.

    I remember that just about every single time I got behind the wheel of my car, I would look at each pole as I drove, each substantial feature that if I drove my car into, my risk of death would be high, thus eliminating the pain that PTSD causes upon us. Whilst those thoughts where a daily part of my life for three odd years, I always told myself, and reminded myself, off what I had to live for, or even better, what I had to live for getting past PTSD. Family, friends, interests, looking forward to returning to some sort of normal life again, etc etc. Suicide is just one thought, and I am sure you can find many positive thoughts to outweigh it. If not, then you need to look harder. Suicide is a thought, and because you have these constant thoughts, it doesn't mean you have to action them.

    If your on anti-depressants, go back to your doctor ASAP and speak with them about changing your medication to another type, and even again and again, until you find one that treats your depression, without the increased suicidal thoughts. If your strong enough, get rid of the things all together and replace with good daily exercise for an hour, healthy food, and healthy interests to keep your brain active from having time to think about suicide. If all else fails, and you really can't control yourself any longer, get back to your doctor urgently, tell them your suicidal, and go and have a rest in hospital for a while with some intense therapy to help you through the rough patches.

    What you should never do, is consider yourself weak asking for help, even demanding it when you are getting very ill. Doctors will generally stop, or get you in urgently, if your situation is deteriorating rapidly. They are not mind readers, so if you ring and speak with their secretary, and they tell you that they have nothing for a month, then tell the secretary that your turning suicidal, and that will get your doctors attention very rapidly to help you out urgently.

    If all else is failing for you at that time, get on here, and write whatever is coming into your mind at the time, and see if that makes the moment a little more bearable. It works, trust me. That will hopefully buy you enough time until your doctor responds to you.
     
    GreenFrog2 and cookinggal like this.
  6. piglet

    piglet Well-Known Member

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    Excellent advice Anthony and Roerich. From someone who has frequent problems with "the easy way out" scenario, I find that getting out and walking is my best help. I have made plans several times, but fortunately, the effort and time to make those plans has given me enough time to change my mind. Whatever your "quick fix" is, make sure that you don't have the tools/materials around you. Go sit in the middle of a field if you have to to get away, but do something.

    Good luck Moey.
     
  7. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    Wow YA, that was great. I'm bookmarking it.

    Moey, coping mechanisims are different for every person. I think you have a coping mechanism, it's just that you have to find it. Sometimes finding seems impossible, but you have to look. When I was there, the only thing that worked was to plan something for myself for the next day or for the next evening, or even for the next hour. If I thought it was unbearable, I would get in the presence of someone....didn't matter to me who, because I knew that I wasn't going to do it in front of someone. You also have another thing you can do, log on to here and type. Spill it. Sometimes it makes you feel better.

    When I was younger, I went through a "pain" phase. Most people would call it self mutilation, but I don't consider it as such. I felt so numb at times that I would do something to inflict pain so that I could feel pain which made me feel more alive. As I've gotten older, the best way to inflict pain on myself is to exercise. It takes energy, it takes effort, and yes, it can hurt. And most likely, you'll feel more alive when you are done. Plus, it's positive. It's also not considered self mutilation!! (Although I still think marathon runners are self torturers...) If I had run or worked out instead of giving myself bruises, I'd be so lean and fit! Anyway, that's how I handled those situations. Take what you want and leave the rest.
     
  8. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    That page is a cracker YA.... thanks for that one. I hadn't ever seen that one before, which is great to have pointed out to people with immediate suicidal tendancies.

    If you haven't read that link above Moey... please do, because its a piss cutter of a read to help with suicidal thoughts. I wish I knew about that page a couple of years ago...
     
  9. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    i hadn't seen this before. it amazes me how different people can be so much alike, ptsd being the only common factor. i deal with suicidal thoughts a lot. i keep thinking that they will just go away, or that i've gotten so used to it that it's not real any more. then, something new will "pop" up in my mind, and while i can usually ignore it, when i am down so far as to be contemplating real plans to end it, they become more enticing. i usually plan things that would look like an accident(so spare my family, i think) like pulling in front of a semi, mixing the bleach/amonia like i'm cleaning something. when i get so far down that nothing matters any more, that's when i hunt for the guns, or think about ordering iv tubing and a needle from a supplier for blood donations.(wouldn't that be easier than cutting your wrists) the pop-up things are more like trying to wash dishes, and feeling the urge to slit my throat(whoever heard of that, anyway? i doubt it's even possible) but i always end up holding the knife to my throat anyway. like feeling the urge to pull in front of a train that i'm waiting for--had to put my car in park and turn off the ignition because i kept pulling up a little closer. am i just crazy, or is this junk normal? sometimes it is such a struggle because i need to get away from the flashbacks. it seems this stuff is never going to end and there is no other way out. what are you supposed to do? if you tell people about these things, they will want to lock you up. i just feel like screaming. cookie
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Cookie, many of us go through suicidal thoughts. If they remain as thoughts, that is one thing, but you seem to be going to extended lengths with descriptions and planning cookie, which says to me, maybe you do need to be in hospital until things get better for you. You need to either get the hell of those drugs your on, which is going to have side effects from withdrawal and get yourself to a naturopath ASAP for better medical help. Go and find an acupuncturist, and get a treatment ASAP... it does really help cookie.

    Cookie, remember what we have spoken about though, in that if it is getting that bad, you do need to ring up your doctor, support line or hospital and get admitted. It doesn't make you any lesser person cookie to get admitted to a hospital, in fact it makes your stronger, because you know your a concern to yourself, and you know you want to live, but are beginning to see other options. Suicide is not the way out cookie... it just makes things worst. You have a life to live, and if your determined enough to not allow your thoughts to win, you can get past this crap cookie, you can live life again if you desire, but you need to want this, you need to help yourself at times, ie. if hospitalization is required because you know you need it, etc etc.

    There is life on the other side of PTSD and depression cookie... there really is, and I am living it, and you can too. Only you stand in the path of getting to the other side. You control your thoughts, you can learn how to retrain your thoughts, retrain yourself to control PTSD and associated symptoms. You hold the key, but you also need to want to get past this. There is no quick fix to PTSD, it is slow, it is painful, but it is short term pain for long term gain... and that is the truth.
     
  11. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

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    Cookie, please take the advise that everyone is giving. I also suffer from PTSD and depression. Suicide is on my mind 24/7/365. I faught the idea of going to the hospital several times and was pursuaded to go by my wife. My last hospitalization happened after I tried to OD on pills that I had left over from a medicine change. I took enough to actually kill myself, but since I made it to the hospital in time to be saved. The scariest part was that I felt I could do it again because it was on my mind. I know that Suicide is not the answer to my problems just like you probably know. But at times it seems the easy way out. I have a wife and 4 kids that are my anchor with out them I probably would attempt suicide again and again until I suceeded. At times I wish I did complete the suicide so I would not have that burden on my shoulders. Everytime I leave my therapist he checks with me to make sure I am OK. By now he knows if I am lieing or telling the truth. Please reach out to someone you can talk to in person so you can continue to fight your PTSD. I have learned to be honest with everyone and now when I say I do not feel safe everyone listens to me. Please read some other postings because they will help you.:thumbs-up
     
  12. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    thanks for your reply, pit bull. unfortunately, the hosp. is not an option for me. my husband has 2 jobs that are both sensitve to that kind of situation. one is gov. and the other is the church. i would not want to hurt either of these, as one is our livilihood, and the other is more important. i am going to try and be more forthcoming with my therapist, i have only been back to her for about 3 wks now, but i can feel that i am getting better maybe, except for immediately after, then i am dangerously low. if i went to the hosp. wouldn't they just give MORE medicine? i don't know, if you have these feelings too, then you know that there are times when you don't want help anymore, just a desperation to escape, and the peace that comes when you make up your mind--but i still struggle with hurting my family in such a way, how much harder it would be than an accident. forgive my rambling. cookie
     
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