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Living with triggers

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Ponderosa

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Hello,

Please forgive me if this has been widely covered elsewhere - I did a search and didn't find much of what I needed, but I admit that I'm not so great at using forums/threads.

I have CPTSD and live amidst my triggers. I'm safe, and my triggers are - unfortunately - things that are relatively commonplace. I'm not sure I could hope to escape them anywhere, so I try to make my peace with them. However, after doing this for several years, I realize I'm not making a lot of progress. My daughter, who was two when my symptoms increased in severity, is now ten - I'm afraid she's being over exposed to the results of my PTSD.

By way of background, I was sexually assaulted in a brutal attack the day before I turned 18. I testified at the trial, went through the sad but expected victim shaming, saw the testimony of the rape survivors also associated with the case (leaving me with graphic visual imagery burned in my brain), and was disappointed to see the assailant found not guilty of my charges due to a prosecutorial technicality. I later survived and exited an abusive marriage, and then spent 15 years in a fast-paced, extremely high stress war zone career where I was exposed to pornography (part of the job), war and it's aftermath, personal bodily danger, and unnecessary physical risk. It was a spectacularly unwise career choice.

I stopped working 3 years ago when the mounting stress (later diagnosed as PTSD) caused severe stomach problems and internal bleeding. At the same time, I endured living in conflict with neighbors renting a home directly across from me. The conflict over noise, blaring music, profanity, trespassing, etc, was a year in duration and nonstop. The totality of stress, the invasion of personal boundaries, etc, culminated in a sense of total loss of control and hopelessness.

I've recovered some peace of mind as I've decompressed from my career over the last three years. I've sought therapy, exercised in nature, recommitted to core values, etc. But I can't escape the triggers that come from that house across the street. The horrible neighbors got evicted, but they just moved to another house on the street. I can't hear or see them anymore, but I know they are there and see their cars. The house they formerly lived in is up for rent again, and I'm so utterly terrified of having to live through something like that again.

The strategies I use for gaining control over my other triggers aren't working in this instance. I'm still highly steeped in avoidance and trying exposure therapy to lessen my anxiety is having the opposite effect. I'm going to pursue a different type of therapy to see if that helps (virtual vs in person....i'm notoriously introverted and overly scheduled right now) but I'm still afraid of being undone by this situation. It's a combination of the house being up for rent again and not knowing who will move in, compounded by the fact that I still live in close proximity to the jerks who were so traumatic to me originally.

This post is mainly just venting...but if there are those of you who have some insights into living daily with triggers, I'd love to hear your words. Living with obnoxious people is part of living in a densely populated world. Their actions were invasive, and I have extreme boundary control issues, but still I think that maybe my reaction to this is extreme. I think most people would shrug off that type of experience...but for me, it came at the apex of all my other stress and seems to have imprinted deeper than I thought possible. Besides exercise and therapy, what works for this community?

Again, please redirect to an older thread if I've missed it.

Wishing all the very best....
 
I am highly triggered by rain. It is raining a lot right now, in fact every day to every other day. My t said something the last appointment that I heard on a novel idea level. It was something like, this is new rain, not the rain related to the trauma. It hasn't trickled into being less activated by the rain just yet but as I ponder the idea of present rain vs past rain it has the essence of being a usable thought to process. This is new rain and I am safe in this new rain. Maybe you can work with the same thought and see if you can see what is new and safe in the current situation that doesn't blend the old into the present?
 
The good news? Triggers & Stressors can be chipped away at until they're no longer triggers & stressors! :sneaky: Not only that, but you know you're doing it right when you're bored. (Can you even imagine a Trigger being boring? How cool is that?)

How? Usually Exposure Therapy. (See above, note boring ;). There is a huge difference between always being in complete control, and gradual exposure so sloooooow that it's like boiling a frog in water... And getting smacked in the face with your triggers and stressors day in and day out. Throw the frog in boiling water? It hops out.)

The bad news? No matter how much better that makes your life, if you don't go after root causes (aka processing the trauma that created them) everything can just coming crashing down again, when you pick up a new trauma, or lose a coping mechanism. Symptoms AND Root Causes. Really. I didn't process most of my traumas the first time though, and deeply regret it. Unlike nixing triggers & stressors, trauma therapy tends to make your life worse, for awhile. :wtf: Joy. It's painful, hard, and... Temporary.

***

Some more reading for you ((It's a lot. Take your time.))

This first one is short, and about managing stress more than triggers, but it is immensely & immediately useful.

The PTSD Cup - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Explained
Link Removed
Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger?
 
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Some things that help me maintain what's left of my sane are diaphragmatic, alternate nostril, and rhythmic breathing, primal screaming into a pillow or in the forest, a mini-trampoline I can run my ass of on while jamming to my favorite music without having to leave my comfort zone, hula hoops that quickly remind me stuff that's good for me doesn't always have to suck, and purposely redirecting the default thoughts of "what-ifness" and "shoulding" on myself into more of a "I could really benefit from" thoughts. Often shifting my gears to what I can do to enrich my life in each moment rather than keeping my focus on what has been and what might be.

Check out craigslist or your local for sale ads and find you a nice used hand drum of some sort, like a djembe or a frame drum, and other hand held percussive delights and start learning to do some rhythmic meditations with them, and also just randomly beat the hell out of them as needed. Be sure to learn how to hold your hands to strike the drums to avoid injury, and no jewelry while playing or you'll mess up the head. Maybe even consider hosting a drum circle on occasion, or seek one out in the community. The neighbors would love that, ay? lol That energetic release has been incredibly helpful for me and I found so many healing oriented folks among the participants through the years who've introduced me to even more cool therapeutic techniques along the way.

A Native American flute is in the mix, too, taking the relaxation part to a whole new level. I still leak and squeak like crazy, but oh well, it feels good trying and none of the animals in nature have attacked me to shut me up yet. lol I talk back and forth with the love doves with it, too. Some percussion instruments can be made out of things already on hand, also. Damn near anything can become an instrument if you really want it to be. lol Raise the roof!

Steel mixing bowls with a little water in them make the coolest sounds when bumped on the side of the sink. All my bowls are all dented up on the bottoms. lol I have an old picnic basket full of some joyful noise via a wood guiro, a home made sistrum (made from a slingshot style stick, wire, smashed beer tops, with the handle wrapped in a vintage tie), maracas, cow bells, tambourine, an old washboard, etc. You'll be more prepared for your new neighbors with some sounds of your own to share, some very therapeutic ones at that. :whistling: If all else fails, wireless headphones saved me when I lived in a super noisy area.

I'd use the time of vacancy to ramp up my self-care to better cushion any potential upcoming blows. You may luck out and get a very kind peaceful neighbor. (fingers crossed) Think like that. Maybe scope them out from afar at first and if it feels right, pay them a quick, welcome to the neighborhood visit with a small token of kindness, like a list of places that deliver, a gift card to a local eatery, a house plant, or some other cool idea you come up with, etc. when they get settled, or just drop it off when they're gone if you don't wish to directly engage. See if planting that initial seed of kindness grows into a better experience this time. Or not, depending on the vibe. An asshole is an asshole no matter how kind we try to be. Wishing you well in finding peace with the madness that surrounds. It sucks when it's within your own home space and right outside your door step.
 
Well I'm trying a mix of things.

1. Therapy to address root causes of boundary violation issues. Mixed reviews, and unlike most of you on this forum (i think), I hate therapy and typically therapists. I just feel this enormous and insane desire to do everything myself, myself, myself. I do the therapy, and I commit to it, but inside I still want to just WILL this away. I know....not productive (but I'm being honest).

2. Exercise. After my PTSD diagnosis, I entered a period of extreme self-isolation, not even leaving the house for about 12 months except to go into the back yard. I had a 7 year old daughter at the time, so you can imagine how limiting that was. As my weight rose, my self-esteem plummeted. Now, I exercise all over the place - biking, hiking, running, gymming, swimming, playing with the kid....I do this to be healthy and strong but also because going "out" in the community (even 3 blocks away to the elementary school) helps me emerge from my avoidance behaviors. I've got a lot of weight left to go, but dammit I put that bathing suit on and take that child to the pool and swim with her, enjoying the water and the sun and not worrying about any other thing.

3. Mindfulness. I've had a three year period of peace and prosperity, but I feel like the trauma (which lasted a year) is still in front of my face and the three years of peace went by like a snap of the finger. I work, within my mind, to normalize my sense of time. I was so numb for those three years (well, two really), that I've lost a "normal" sense of time. Mindfulness helps me to see how far I've come out of my shell - how I've apologized for the hurt I caused my family and repaired those relationships, helps me see how much more of myself I've reclaimed and clawed back from the PTSD, how much more of myself I can give to my kid (and even her friends) and my spouse and my other family.

4. Deliberateness. I feel like PTSD is robbing me of experiencing my daughter's golden age of childhood (she just turned ten). I refuse to let PTSD ruin that for me, so I'm deliberately going "out" into the world (I consider going to the bakery to get her a treat "out," because my instinct to stay in the house is so great) in order to make those memories with her. It overwhelms and exhausts me, but the sense of pride I have that I'm at least fighting back helps me.

I'm really grateful you asked this question...at first I thought you were just looking for data (and you are, I know), but the act of writing this makes me realize how many tools I have at my disposal to work through this. Perhaps you are one of those skilled people who knows how to help others help themselves...a rare and true gift. By asking me that question, you helped me to help myself. I thank you.
 
I am highly triggered by rain. It is raining a lot right now, in fact every day to every other day. My t...


This is a truly excellent post. I need to remember that the new neighbors are not the old neighbors. Even if the new neighbors may not be what I want, they won't be the old ones. Fortunately the land lord hated them too, and they will never be back. I need to remember that. I don't even have new neighbors yet, so I'm obviously borrowing trouble. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

I also need to remember how much I love my other neighbors. Everywhere I go, I'm greeted, my child is greeted, I know and love other families here and have watched their children grown. Many of these neighbors came to my wedding. Chances are great that things will work out. I simply must fight and work and strive to let the positive dominate, not the negative.
 
Some things that help me maintain what's left of my sane are diaphragmatic, alternate nostril...


So, this was a marvelous post. My daughter and I are both musical. We have an enormous 13-piece vintage pearl drum set, two guitars, ukulele, and African drums that I brought back from my time in West Africa. I will follow your advice in that regards.

ramping up the self care is something I'm going to do. I'm going to take the lull in time that I have now to begin working that positive thinking muscle. I'm going to find as much light heartedness with the kid (home for the summer) as I can, rest as much as I can, forgive myself as much as I can, and exercise as much as I can so that I will be at maximum strength should the worst happen.

I just find that, with PTSD, my resilience is so low. I think so many others feel this, and express it in various ways. It's the whole "triggers come crashing back in" thing. Sometimes I feel so proud of my progress...but can get triggered by something so small that I wonder if I've made any progress at all.
 
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