Hello,
Please forgive me if this has been widely covered elsewhere - I did a search and didn't find much of what I needed, but I admit that I'm not so great at using forums/threads.
I have CPTSD and live amidst my triggers. I'm safe, and my triggers are - unfortunately - things that are relatively commonplace. I'm not sure I could hope to escape them anywhere, so I try to make my peace with them. However, after doing this for several years, I realize I'm not making a lot of progress. My daughter, who was two when my symptoms increased in severity, is now ten - I'm afraid she's being over exposed to the results of my PTSD.
By way of background, I was sexually assaulted in a brutal attack the day before I turned 18. I testified at the trial, went through the sad but expected victim shaming, saw the testimony of the rape survivors also associated with the case (leaving me with graphic visual imagery burned in my brain), and was disappointed to see the assailant found not guilty of my charges due to a prosecutorial technicality. I later survived and exited an abusive marriage, and then spent 15 years in a fast-paced, extremely high stress war zone career where I was exposed to pornography (part of the job), war and it's aftermath, personal bodily danger, and unnecessary physical risk. It was a spectacularly unwise career choice.
I stopped working 3 years ago when the mounting stress (later diagnosed as PTSD) caused severe stomach problems and internal bleeding. At the same time, I endured living in conflict with neighbors renting a home directly across from me. The conflict over noise, blaring music, profanity, trespassing, etc, was a year in duration and nonstop. The totality of stress, the invasion of personal boundaries, etc, culminated in a sense of total loss of control and hopelessness.
I've recovered some peace of mind as I've decompressed from my career over the last three years. I've sought therapy, exercised in nature, recommitted to core values, etc. But I can't escape the triggers that come from that house across the street. The horrible neighbors got evicted, but they just moved to another house on the street. I can't hear or see them anymore, but I know they are there and see their cars. The house they formerly lived in is up for rent again, and I'm so utterly terrified of having to live through something like that again.
The strategies I use for gaining control over my other triggers aren't working in this instance. I'm still highly steeped in avoidance and trying exposure therapy to lessen my anxiety is having the opposite effect. I'm going to pursue a different type of therapy to see if that helps (virtual vs in person....i'm notoriously introverted and overly scheduled right now) but I'm still afraid of being undone by this situation. It's a combination of the house being up for rent again and not knowing who will move in, compounded by the fact that I still live in close proximity to the jerks who were so traumatic to me originally.
This post is mainly just venting...but if there are those of you who have some insights into living daily with triggers, I'd love to hear your words. Living with obnoxious people is part of living in a densely populated world. Their actions were invasive, and I have extreme boundary control issues, but still I think that maybe my reaction to this is extreme. I think most people would shrug off that type of experience...but for me, it came at the apex of all my other stress and seems to have imprinted deeper than I thought possible. Besides exercise and therapy, what works for this community?
Again, please redirect to an older thread if I've missed it.
Wishing all the very best....
Please forgive me if this has been widely covered elsewhere - I did a search and didn't find much of what I needed, but I admit that I'm not so great at using forums/threads.
I have CPTSD and live amidst my triggers. I'm safe, and my triggers are - unfortunately - things that are relatively commonplace. I'm not sure I could hope to escape them anywhere, so I try to make my peace with them. However, after doing this for several years, I realize I'm not making a lot of progress. My daughter, who was two when my symptoms increased in severity, is now ten - I'm afraid she's being over exposed to the results of my PTSD.
By way of background, I was sexually assaulted in a brutal attack the day before I turned 18. I testified at the trial, went through the sad but expected victim shaming, saw the testimony of the rape survivors also associated with the case (leaving me with graphic visual imagery burned in my brain), and was disappointed to see the assailant found not guilty of my charges due to a prosecutorial technicality. I later survived and exited an abusive marriage, and then spent 15 years in a fast-paced, extremely high stress war zone career where I was exposed to pornography (part of the job), war and it's aftermath, personal bodily danger, and unnecessary physical risk. It was a spectacularly unwise career choice.
I stopped working 3 years ago when the mounting stress (later diagnosed as PTSD) caused severe stomach problems and internal bleeding. At the same time, I endured living in conflict with neighbors renting a home directly across from me. The conflict over noise, blaring music, profanity, trespassing, etc, was a year in duration and nonstop. The totality of stress, the invasion of personal boundaries, etc, culminated in a sense of total loss of control and hopelessness.
I've recovered some peace of mind as I've decompressed from my career over the last three years. I've sought therapy, exercised in nature, recommitted to core values, etc. But I can't escape the triggers that come from that house across the street. The horrible neighbors got evicted, but they just moved to another house on the street. I can't hear or see them anymore, but I know they are there and see their cars. The house they formerly lived in is up for rent again, and I'm so utterly terrified of having to live through something like that again.
The strategies I use for gaining control over my other triggers aren't working in this instance. I'm still highly steeped in avoidance and trying exposure therapy to lessen my anxiety is having the opposite effect. I'm going to pursue a different type of therapy to see if that helps (virtual vs in person....i'm notoriously introverted and overly scheduled right now) but I'm still afraid of being undone by this situation. It's a combination of the house being up for rent again and not knowing who will move in, compounded by the fact that I still live in close proximity to the jerks who were so traumatic to me originally.
This post is mainly just venting...but if there are those of you who have some insights into living daily with triggers, I'd love to hear your words. Living with obnoxious people is part of living in a densely populated world. Their actions were invasive, and I have extreme boundary control issues, but still I think that maybe my reaction to this is extreme. I think most people would shrug off that type of experience...but for me, it came at the apex of all my other stress and seems to have imprinted deeper than I thought possible. Besides exercise and therapy, what works for this community?
Again, please redirect to an older thread if I've missed it.
Wishing all the very best....