I'm just really lonely these days.
I've cut so many people out of my life in the past few years that I have no one left. I'm so afraid of being hurt again (in the way that caused my trauma) or if I care about someone I am so afraid of being abandoned by them that I break ties with people for the smallest reasons before they can hurt me or leave me. Other times I've been in such deep depression that I just didn't have the energy to maintain relationships with people, basically only leaving my house for therapist appointments and friends just faded away.
I'm only 17, a senior in high school-I should be out having a great time but I've been in the thick of my PTSD, BPD mess since the July before my freshman year began when I was raped. Then, in December of 2013 (my sophomore year) there was a shooting at my high school. After that, I was able to make it through the last semester but switched to going to school online for my junior year. I just graduated early and so I'm totally done with school while 99% of my old friends are still there.
I miss having people to go to concerts with or just to hang out with. I've missed out on so much because I have no one do things with, except for my best friend but our schedules don't line up very often.
I was making some friends at my last job but I had to leave due to having panic attacks during almost every shift I worked and still don't have the emotional stability to go back to work yet. Even if I did, everyone my age that I knew is gone. I'm a pretty friendly person and I make friends pretty easily, it's just keeping them around that I have struggled with in the past.
I just feel completely at a loss and totally alone. I'm still in a really bad place but I am to the point where I have the desire again to have friends. I don't know where to go to meet new people at this point though. I'm not religious so youth group is just really awkward for me-plus I don't want to pretend to believe in something that i don't just because I want friends. That's really the only viable suggestion that I've read online.
I don't need a ton of friends (I was really popular when I started high school and that was too superficial and not worth the bother) just some people I can chill with and maybe go to a few concerts with from time to time. I'm just tired of being alone.
I've cut so many people out of my life in the past few years that I have no one left. I'm so afraid of being hurt again (in the way that caused my trauma) or if I care about someone I am so afraid of being abandoned by them that I break ties with people for the smallest reasons before they can hurt me or leave me. Other times I've been in such deep depression that I just didn't have the energy to maintain relationships with people, basically only leaving my house for therapist appointments and friends just faded away.
I'm only 17, a senior in high school-I should be out having a great time but I've been in the thick of my PTSD, BPD mess since the July before my freshman year began when I was raped. Then, in December of 2013 (my sophomore year) there was a shooting at my high school. After that, I was able to make it through the last semester but switched to going to school online for my junior year. I just graduated early and so I'm totally done with school while 99% of my old friends are still there.
I miss having people to go to concerts with or just to hang out with. I've missed out on so much because I have no one do things with, except for my best friend but our schedules don't line up very often.
I was making some friends at my last job but I had to leave due to having panic attacks during almost every shift I worked and still don't have the emotional stability to go back to work yet. Even if I did, everyone my age that I knew is gone. I'm a pretty friendly person and I make friends pretty easily, it's just keeping them around that I have struggled with in the past.
I just feel completely at a loss and totally alone. I'm still in a really bad place but I am to the point where I have the desire again to have friends. I don't know where to go to meet new people at this point though. I'm not religious so youth group is just really awkward for me-plus I don't want to pretend to believe in something that i don't just because I want friends. That's really the only viable suggestion that I've read online.
I don't need a ton of friends (I was really popular when I started high school and that was too superficial and not worth the bother) just some people I can chill with and maybe go to a few concerts with from time to time. I'm just tired of being alone.