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Relationship Looking For Reliable Resources Re Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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I am looking for some reliable resources regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder .. my man has a family member that seems to exhibit all the main characteristics, and before we get too deep into discussions about forgiveness/reconciliation, etc. I would like to be better prepared.

Please help? (Admins, please move to a better forum if you see fit, thanks!)

~S2B
 
If you go to psych forums ( a website) and go under General and then Family and Friends section you can tell your story and ask the users there what it sounds like. They can't diagnose but they can help point you in the right direction.
 
That is precisely my concern; I suppose I am looking for greater insight so to be sure any attempts to reconcile with one of his former abusers doesn't open my man up to new and grievous harm.

I think this family member is textbook NPD .. but really don't want to believe anyone is beyond redemption .. but still .. you can't open yourself up to further abuse if that redemption has not yet taken place ...

*torn*
 
I am looking for greater insight so to be sure any attempts to reconcile with one of his former abusers doesn't open my man up to new and grievous harm.
I don't know if NPD is actually the issue here.

If he wants to reconcile with a former abuser, it's very important that he know why he is doing this for him and him alone. There's a big mantra in mental health, "you can't affect other people, you can only affect yourself" - and its true. So, what your husband/partner wants to get out of this reconciliation has to only come from him - not from the former abuser.

If what he needs to say is "You abused me, and I've worked on it, and I've healed now. I'm interested in talking with you about what happened. Are you willing to do that?" - then that's what he needs to say. But if it's more along the lines of "I want you to apologize for abusing me" - just don't even go there.

So - what does your partner want to get out of this reconciliation?
 
He wants in part to further his own peace of heart and mind, but I think he also wants his own story of recovery to be a vehicle for helping his family member "heal" too as part of this abuser's history is trauma and abuse ..

If I'm right about NPD .. I fear this abuser might not be ABLE to "heal" .. and attempts to reconcile might open my man up to further set-backs :-(

Another complication is this abuser's adult daughter was also abused by her dad and she is just now seeing it, so my man is coaching her thru steps to break free from her dad's ongoing influence (control/manipulation) ..

I don't want to have inappropriate influence on either my man or this girl, but I want to protect them both from unrealistic expectations ..

Still evaluating ..

~S2B
 
There are two main factors that a person must meet to be an actual narcissistic personality:
  1. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by adolescence or early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts and meet a minimum five of the nine criterion, and
  2. This pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving is quite stable over time.
For example, its quite common to find narcissists in high paying financial roles such as investment. Many of these people will often take excessive risks with others life monies, have no empathy for their loss, will take any risk needed to build their own status and wealth, will talk themselves up beyond their wealth, or to match their wealth from destroying lives to get where they are.
 
I have kinda been stuck in a loop .. the basic "what is NPD" questions are easy enuf to answer maybe .. everything I've seen so far fits this guy, but mostly I seem to be in a "psychology today" kinda timwarp online .. are there perhaps books or websites any of you have seen that might handle this well? Or renowned lecturers I might listen to on youtube? Etc. Or even anecdotal/testimonials?

That above 2-fold criteria is a definite fit .. though I'm not trying to "diagnose" per se as much as assess risk or tailor conversations appropriately ..

Thanks to all for the comments so far ... seems to affirm I'm at least thinking in the right direction ;-)

~S2B
 
He wants in part to further his own peace of heart and mind, but I think he also wants his own story of recovery to be a vehicle for helping his family member "heal" too as part of this abuser's history is trauma and abuse ..
Bad idea. It's noble, and generous, but really not going to happen. The first part - your partner needs to know what he wants to say, practice it even. And say it. But to expect anything after that is pointless.

I think you are getting distracted by the narcissism. The real issue here is that your partner wants to elicit change in his abuser - and that is not possible. People only change when they want to, and are ready to.
 
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