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Supporter Looking For Support

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@jill smith I'm a sufferer rather than a supporter but I do know that living with a person with PTSD can be very difficult. Taking time to look after yourself and ensuring you have your own support is an important part of being able to support your partner.
 
Hi Jill, welcome.

I have found out reading other supporters stories, reaching out to others here with my stories, and getting my own therapy to hold me up helped me with my struggle.

Take care
 
Hi Jill, welcome.

I have found out reading other supporters stories, reaching out to others here wi...

Hi again,

I have attending a support group and trying to equip myself to support my partner. Some times I struggling, last week I drank more tham I should of on.a night out. I came home to my partner angry with me for being later than expected ( only an.hour) I snapped and said some horrible things. She has backed off so much now I dont know is she will ever forgive me dispite my actions being out of character. Am at a loss what to do she says she needs time but each day seems more distant. Is this usual what can I do.
 
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Jill.....she is in the beginning of therapy and you're struggling to support her. This is normal and in the process you both will do, and say, things that you'll regret later. Frustration, resentment, and anger are normal parts of any relationship and greatly enhanced in a relationship where PTSD is present.

When you both are able, share your feelings starting with "I feel" rather than "you did". As both of you go through your therapy and support group, you'll both learn coping skills. It's a rough road but it is doable.

Take care
 
Jill.....she is in the beginning of therapy and you're struggling to support her. This is normal and...

I really do appreciate your encouragement. I am really worried I have done damage that cant be undone. My outburst resulted in her having a panic attack and leaving our home late at night. I would never physically hurt anyone but the fact that I actually let myself get into a state that led to me saying awful things and that I now see disturbed my partner so much she felt unsafe and left. It was my birthday 2days later worst one I have ever had and its all my own fault or feels like it. She has come home but retreated to our spare room. She says I have done a lot of damage and she needs time. It couldnt of been worse timing as after 4months off work she went back this week. I feel absolutely terrible and feel I have let her down so badly. She has retreated from me so much I just dont feel she will get back the trust. I only now realise how much she did trust me now I feel I have shattered it. She tells me step back. She also says she doubts I will be able to support her after my actions. I feel desperately sad and guilty.
 
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Jill......you said things you regret, she will say things she will regret. PTSD or not, that's part of life. The test of a great relationship is being able to forgive and move on. Unless trust was broken by something like cheating, it was simply words that described your feelings at the time. Your feelings are valid, words can be forgiven.

Don't beat yourself up for this. Forgive yourself and tell your partner you're sorry.....then move on together. If she has trouble forgiving, give her time and let your actions speak for themselves but try not to beat yourself up to much.
 
Jill......you said things you regret, she will say things she will regret. PTSD or not, that's part...

Its been 6 days I have no idea how long I am supposed to wait for forgivness. I have never been in a situation remotely like this and we have never been distant like this. Its making me think its a matter of time until she leaves. I know this week is particularly difficult with her return to work. Previously she would confide in me to a degree but now barely wants to share space with me. Can this trust be rebuilt.
 
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Yes....trust can be rebuilt. I'm going through that with my sufferer now and it's been 10 years. Someone has to make the first move.
 
My partner has told me to step back and does not want to discuss things with me. She says she has to come to me. How long is reasonable for me to wait to at least try ask if she can forgive me.
 
@jill smith I think only you can answer that question.

If she has PTSD, she very well may need the time to work things out in her head. Since she just started therapy, perhaps she needs to talk to her therapist to come to terms with the issue. None of us, including you, knows till she decides to tell you.

This is the roll we take as supporters. Most of the time, we don't know what goes on in the sufferers head till they tell us. I do know mine needs a lot of time and it took me a while to figure that out.

How long is reasonable? Well, your sufferer may not have the ability to tell you that now. As for you.....well, that depends on you. This is why most of us is here....to share stories so we know we're not alone, to learn coping skills, and hopefully learn to help our sufferer the best we can.

Time is a very difficult thing for a sufferer. It's up to us to give them the time they need. As long as my sufferer is going to therapy and trying then, in spite of my frustration, resentment, and a zillion other feelings, I have to try to give her the gift of time and patience.

I hope this helps
 
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