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Losing My Religion

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Unfortunately, this is not about amazing R.E.M. songs. About 3 years ago, I married a man who, I found out a year and a half into the marriage was using me to escape his homosexuality. We were religious, and he tried not to believe in it. I loved him deeper than any human being I had ever known. We were best friends and we had more fun than I'd ever had in my life. We had the deepest conversations and there was never any judgement. He was my great love. I wouldn't have gotten so attached and eventually hurt if our religion had aloud us to have sex before marriage. We would have figured it out. And maybe he wouldn't have chosen such a lifestyle of deception. So from these thoughts, I started challenging life. And it spiraled into me eventually not believing in God. I was a Christian for 20 years. I had a music ministry at 12 years old. And through all of the abuse I endured as a child, abuse in my first marriage, the struggle of homelessness, and everything in between, I NEVER felt alone. Because I believed in God. Then after all of that I told my friends, who were Christian, that I didn't believe in God. Not in a rude way, just said it. Then all of my friends turned their back on me. Some in a very mean way. I'm orphaned, so I don't have family. I'm jobless.

I'm looking for life advice from other people who don't believe in God. I don't want to hear from people who do believe about how He's still with me. I'm past that. I want to hear real, raw words of wisdom from people like me. I'm new to this. It's only been about a year.
 
You were believing in a religion with rules made by man. This is a far cry from God.

You sound like me a year ago :) @itsKismet .. I challenged the idea of religion for a very long time (excluding God in the process) .. We believed in the "no sex before marriage rule" for personal reasons that backed up what the bible had to say. That whole thing just sent me into a deeper thought process that brought me to where I am today. I feel free, but alone. I say religion a lot because that's how most people describe a faith. Even if it's a personal relationship.
 
And like I said :) I'm looking for life advice from people who don't believe in God. I don't mean that offensively, it's just a whole other perspective. And if you're worried about my soul, it's covered. I've got enough people praying for my soul, calling me, coming into my work, and treating me like an exhibit. But won't let me into their home or go out for tea or coffee.
 
@Skitzii first of all, I believe in premarital sex, in fact, I think people should live as a couple before they wed. I only got married because I wanted children and I wanted us all to have the same last name.

I was active in church in High School. It wasn't about God but community and learning the Golden Rule. I lived in a violent home where we dressed up and looked normal at church. Hypocrites...

I didn't go to church for years through college and when my kids were preschoolers I wanted to expose them to church. Well, it was a tiny church in a tiny town. It was interdenominational. That is when I discovered I didn't believe in God nor the story of Jesus risen from the dead. I couldn't relate to anything there. The women all had cliques and I was a young hippie and none of them would befriend me. I was disillusioned.

Then I went to AA because I had a drinking problem. They make it very clear that they don't endorse God per se. Rather we say a Higher Power. And hey, even a light bulb can be a Higher Power.

Then I got sick from a chemical exposure and sought treatment by an Acupuncturist. She introduced me to Taoism, the underlying belief that the entire world is a dance between yin and yang. Energy flowing through and around all. Now, I am learning Buddhism as an adjunct to yoga. Again no God. A Buddha that was enlightened and with great kindness to be a source of comfort to anyone who is suffering.

It was weird to finally say out loud that I'm not a Christian. I'm not being coerced to believe lies or ignore immoral people. This is where I am right now.
 
@Skitzii first of all, I believe in premarital sex, in fact, I think people shou...

@KwanYingirl Thank you :) I feel like snagging a book on Buddhism could help me continue my search for wisdom and purpose. I might just do that today :) I've been really needing purpose!! It's so hard to go from Christianity to nothing.. Especially if you're a driven person caring more about the deep aspects of life than money or things.
 
I don't believe in God. I never really did. I also went to church as a child. I even like the bible, because the stories are interesting sometimes and have a meaning, but I don't connect that to any belief.

I don't believe in a superior Spirit or God or whatsoever. Never did. And I never felt alone with it. I'm used that I'm often my only company and it works most of the times. It's not that I miss guidance.

I tried to believe in God once when my grandfather died very sudden. But there's was no help, no refuge for me...I felt even more alone when I tried to pray.

The only "religious" way I could connect with a tiny bit...was the Zen Buddhism. It's a bit harsh and direct, but I liked that a lot. It helps you to get alone with yourself and get help from yourself. Hard to describe since I haven't read it for some time and just...I believe in people, in people I love and whom I trust and in music. ...so, I don't need anything above that.

Hope I didn't write too confusing. It's a complicated matter for me.

And I don't think that premarital sex is something to be forbidden. Marriage is a artifical, made up bound. It's nowhere written in nature that you're not allowed to have sex before you didn't get the blessings or something else. ...and I also think that sex reveals a lot about another person and you trust each other more.
 
I don't believe in God. I never really did. I also went to church as a child. I even like the bible, beca...

@Anrish yeah, I really think you're right about sex revealing things about your partner!! Deeper things that you just wouldn't know otherwise. Because of the principles of "purity" I have been married twice.. When I lost my virginity, I spent my (first) wedding night bawling my eyes out in the bathroom because something felt really wrong. The guy turned out to be a MONSTER. I ended up with a 4 year restraining order on him, that I can renew whenever I like.

Then my second husband ended up being gay and I was like, "hmm".

Good sex is the (original)reason I'm in the relationship I'm in. And it's working out better than any other relationship I've been in.

i love harsh and direct :) it sounds like reading up on some Buddhist principles is the winner today!!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply :)
 
I grew up as an agnostic, and now I'm an interspiritual minister. A whole lot of that is helping people figure out what sort of faith is right for them, whatever that faith is in.

I lived in a Hindu/Buddhist fusion sort of community for a while. A lot of the focus in those paths is on service to yourself, others, and a higher power if you do believe in one, care of one's self, compassion and mindfulness. All good things for people who are looking to heal. There are a lot of really beautiful meditation techniques and intention setting has helped me immensely the past few years. I think Taoism, Buddhism, and the connected physical practices such as Tai Chi and Yoga might be a good place to look if you're looking for something but avoiding dogma and specific deities.

Feel free to PM me if you want some help with resources- I've had some seriously long reading lists during my studies for the past few years. :)
 
I also quit believing in the whole religion I was brought up in and had zero connection to God. Just evaporated, seemingly out of nowhere, when I was a teen.

I'm in a 12-step program and some form of Higher Power is encouraged. I didn't just go religion or God shopping. But I stayed open minded to my own concepts. If anything, they are incredibly eastern. I do need a form of spirituality (not the same as religion). And I don't know if I need "God" but I do need to feel centered somehow. It's been many years and something is missing. So, I'd just say if you can find ways to replace what God and the church people did for you....ways to feel grounded or connected (connection is a big issue for me...looking for better connection to self, and others, and to the sort of one-with-everything or whatever). I don't feel okay with any religion but I also am no longer feeling okay with void. So I'm looking to other ideas and practices for the centering and connection, forms of meditation, etc.

It's okay to drop the idea of God given to you by your upbringing and church. Maybe something will change, maybe not. But if you feel disconnected because of the loss of support through your church, keep looking for new and more meaningful ways to be connected...doesn't have to be religious. But the connection stuff is a major issue for me. I sometimes wish I could be religious and get in with some church people for the support and connection (But...nope, not religious at all).
 
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