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Lost Again - Husband has PTSD

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Lynn, Mar 12, 2007.

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  1. Lynn

    Lynn New Member

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    Hi

    This is the first time I have written. My husband has PTSD and has had it for some time. We have had ups and downs like everyone else. He has gone through a lot of counciling and did quit drinking 6 years ago. I give him a lot of credit for that. He has been on medication and decided that he would like to go off. Aaahhhh!!! He did that about 5 years ago and did not tell me or anyone else including the doctor. It was a nightmare. Hyper and mean and would not listen to anyone. I did get him back on but of course he has never been himself since 1994. The meds made him too out of it but now he is too low and I see the hyper coming out again. All he does is treat me like everything is my fault and laughs when I try to talk to him. I get angry back because of frustration and then it just escalates. We have been going to counciling together and sometimes it helps and right now we haven't spoken for a week. He is so angry all the time. I at an all time low and don't know if I want to stay with him anymore. We seem to be losing friends and he just doesn't see it. He thinks everyone else is wrong or stupid.
    Does this happen with most people that have PTSD? How can I get through to him? The councillor has been great but I was disappointed last time we saw her because I wanted her to see that he needed help with the medication. She thinks she can fix people without the medication and I know he needs it.
    Thanks for listening.
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Welcome to the forum Lynn, and glad you have decided to say hi. Look forward to chatting with you more.
     
  4. carpediem2006

    carpediem2006 Active Member

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    Hi there....a couple of things....think where you were at before and after PTSD revealed its ugly head into your lives.

    Then READ and READ and READ! You do not have PTSD...but you can learn to understand it.

    What will make things worse....?

    Answering back in anger, shouting, screaming and *god forbid* anything remotely violent such as throwing something.

    What else will drive him mad? Telling him you know what he needs, you know what is best, or that you know the medication is what he needs.

    Ask what he wants...if he mocks you...tell him you are trying to learn, trying to be there. If you don't try that you cannot know what you want in the relationship.

    Others drove me crazy with mismanaged and totally ill-informed advise. I still find it hard to believe that they haven't managed to read a few pages on anything that could have helped. Because it is in me to find out and do what I can. Not everyone does...and you have that choice. He may be driving you crazy, but you need to develop immense patience to allow him to heal if PTSD is his problem....

    That said...abuse is not something you should tolerate. Whether verbal or otherwise...walk away from it. Don't respond to it, but say where you are going and you will be back soon. Make that boundary clear...and tell him you love him. Often...perhaps you can use your counsillor to go over your 'away time' when you need it. And let him know you will try to learn more. Setting the boundaries in a neutral setting could be better for you.

    Ultimately though, you will have to decide. Those are the things I would have appreciated a little more of at the time, but I could also be an ungrateful $%#^#$# at my worst and am sure I also offended. Again, the total lack of depth and insight means those people just judge on the content of the moment...and refuse to see any underlying illness, so in that regard you are way ahead.

    Good luck
     
  5. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to the forum, here you will find the support, an ear to vent to, tons of learning, while you decide what is good for you and hubbie. Hope it improves your understanding and ultimately your life. Best of luck to you.
     
  6. Lynn

    Lynn New Member

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    Hi
    Thank you so much for writing. I really appreciate the information. It totally makes sense what you have said. I know that he is trying. We have been both making an effort in the last couple of days to try to understand each other better. I am sure I will be writing again. It sure has made me feel better knowing that I have support from others that know.
    Thanks again.
    Lynn
     
  7. vcc123

    vcc123 Active Member

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    Welcome to the forum Lynn.. being a spouse of a PTSD sufferer really sucks. My husband is so wonderful, I'm sure its pure hell living with me. I asked my husband to look at the forum and check out the spouse section too, hoping it would help him understand what I'm going through as well.

    Its great that you came to the forum to try to gain understanding and be able to offer assistance to your hubby.

    Again, welcome.. and thanks for your support.
     
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