I dont know where to post. I dont know what to do. I am so lost. I stare at a bag of pills, leftover from all of the experiments where my mind was the guinea pig. For what? Why did I start down the emotional roller coaster that comes with changing meds monthly? Where did it get me. This one for anxiety, that one for depression, another for ADHD....yet I am still anxious and depressed and unfocussed (only now I have a headache and an upset stomach and am 12 pounds lighter). Now the doc is upset because he wants to try more. Only the drugs he wants to try dont match the symptoms. Oh yeah, and they are dangerous (his words, not mine). Im hesitant, although he never asks directly he assumes I wont take them.
So he decides I'm not worth the effort. Maybe the therapist thinks the same. Who knows. Maybe I subconsciously decided that. Now what?
I sit at my desk. I have so much to get done. I can't focus. I take one for anxiety. Then I decide what the hell. I take a stimulant to go with it. Why am I doing this? Perhaps a benzo to combat the side effects sure to come from the stimulant. The pounding heart and the feeling like I will die. At least maybe some work will get done first. I put the benzo away...for now.
Where do I go next? There is noplace left to turn.
Am I just stuck? Is this as good as it gets?
So he decides I'm not worth the effort. Maybe the therapist thinks the same. Who knows. Maybe I subconsciously decided that. Now what?
I sit at my desk. I have so much to get done. I can't focus. I take one for anxiety. Then I decide what the hell. I take a stimulant to go with it. Why am I doing this? Perhaps a benzo to combat the side effects sure to come from the stimulant. The pounding heart and the feeling like I will die. At least maybe some work will get done first. I put the benzo away...for now.
Where do I go next? There is noplace left to turn.
Am I just stuck? Is this as good as it gets?