Hi all, glad I found this. I am 31 and studying my masters abroad. A few months ago, I was raped when trying to explain to a guy why I had stopped texting and going out with him. I thought it was going to be a fast thing, but it wasn't. I didn't report it. I feel guilty for that. But here the justice system requires a second victim for any jailtime, and I would risk being stuck here for 5 years until the trials were done, if I did pursue it. At first I felt okay actually. Two weeks really sad and weak, not able to move or hold a piece of paper even. Then better somehow. Then this week or so, I start flashing back to it more. Therapy is making it worse. She doesn't do the pickle jar or some imagery to help me shelf it for the next session. And I can't seem to turn it off myself either. I just think about it. I get the picture of his face staring blankly while he did it. I can't sleep without it coming back. I have huge exams in a few days and I sit down to study only to end up crying. I don't know what to do. I feel like I am the only one who had this happened (who I know of) with an ex-boyfriend. I feel like the other cases are severe and I am getting pulled way too into this, emotionally. It is like getting over a close relative's death or losing a child. I feel so helpless and weak. And I sometimes wish I knew people who could pull strings and put him in jail for life. I dream about trying to scream for help and the sound doesn't come, just like when he did it. I sit there and don't move, just cry, if I am lucky enough to get the sound to do so. I really really need to concentrate on exams. I was sick last semester and already got all sorts of accomodations for that. This is embarrassing and personal and I don't want to ask for too much or have to relive and tell about it. And I don't want academics to just go on forever by delaying exams. Better to finish now. I have no idea how. Just that it would be better. Help! What can I do? How do you self-motivate when you feel sad and worthless, like you have no power to do it? Also, I have ADD. I have lots of coping mechanisms for that and the meds. But I have no idea how to employ them when I feel this sad. I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. Thinking of trying EMDR because it helped with some other issues. But beyond that.... I am lost.