SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
Hey everyone,
so...I've been having a rough time lately. On top of the usual mental stuff I mean. About a month ago, I split up with my boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I was living together with for 4 years. I am self- employed and I have been self employed from before finishing uni. There have been somewhat harder times with a bit less work, but since it would still pay more than I could get at a local jobs, and it allowed me more flexibility, I've always done this, freelancing. But for about 2 years I allowed myself to have most of my income to come from a single client(80%). And around the same time that things broke off with my boyfriend, my client had operation and took a month break.
So now I found myself really scared and in chaos.
It's the first time I'm truly living alone, in a foreign country nonetheless(moved here for my boyfriend). Still, I know the most people here, so it beats moving to a new place too.
Because of mental health issues, I had allow myself to rely too much on the comfort of my relationship and I have 0 savings.
Now, I'm doing small jobs, looking for clients and working on passive income files. I'm scared of potentially not making enough to pay rent. I'm almost with no money until next week. I have enough food in non-perishables so I can cook stuff, and I have my rent paid until 1st. I can delay payment with few days but no more.
I'm not sure if I'm so scared because I have a reason and I really might not make payments, or because my anxiety is starting to peak up again. I have special case meds, but I don't want to use them daily so I don't get used to them. I had to postpone my therapy 2 weeks because I can't pay it right now. I have a lot of moving and administration to deal with still. I'm scared of not making enough to pay rent.
I've borrowed and sold what I can. I have food and roof over my head for at least 2 weeks. If I'm lucky I will get at least some pay withing the next 24h (enough for a week, but it may take 3 days to process). I have skills and I can work on finding more clients or whatnot. But I can't work with no breaks either and I am starting to see my anxiety raise, which has made me unable to work in the past. My family can't help. I almost considered getting temporary job locally just to make ends meet for now, but that would either take months to find good job, or be low pay job for insane hours(and that I can do online as well, no need to look).
Perhaps, I'll get paid in the next day and get more work from that client again and have the peace to finally get more clients again as well. But, what if I don't? Am I worrying over nothings or should I be preparing for the worst? Do I need to keep balance and have a day off or try to work every waking hour that I'm not moving stuff, just in case? I think all this is a bit too much worry and it will all fit together eventually, but still....
...and also, today is one of those days where I'm constantly having mini panic attacks and taking breaks between working/looking for work to try to calm down, and I'm not sure if I should take time to calm down or not. I mean, I took half day off and I feel like I've lost so much time and I absolutely can't lose more...
so...I've been having a rough time lately. On top of the usual mental stuff I mean. About a month ago, I split up with my boyfriend of 5 years, with whom I was living together with for 4 years. I am self- employed and I have been self employed from before finishing uni. There have been somewhat harder times with a bit less work, but since it would still pay more than I could get at a local jobs, and it allowed me more flexibility, I've always done this, freelancing. But for about 2 years I allowed myself to have most of my income to come from a single client(80%). And around the same time that things broke off with my boyfriend, my client had operation and took a month break.
So now I found myself really scared and in chaos.
It's the first time I'm truly living alone, in a foreign country nonetheless(moved here for my boyfriend). Still, I know the most people here, so it beats moving to a new place too.
Because of mental health issues, I had allow myself to rely too much on the comfort of my relationship and I have 0 savings.
Now, I'm doing small jobs, looking for clients and working on passive income files. I'm scared of potentially not making enough to pay rent. I'm almost with no money until next week. I have enough food in non-perishables so I can cook stuff, and I have my rent paid until 1st. I can delay payment with few days but no more.
I'm not sure if I'm so scared because I have a reason and I really might not make payments, or because my anxiety is starting to peak up again. I have special case meds, but I don't want to use them daily so I don't get used to them. I had to postpone my therapy 2 weeks because I can't pay it right now. I have a lot of moving and administration to deal with still. I'm scared of not making enough to pay rent.
I've borrowed and sold what I can. I have food and roof over my head for at least 2 weeks. If I'm lucky I will get at least some pay withing the next 24h (enough for a week, but it may take 3 days to process). I have skills and I can work on finding more clients or whatnot. But I can't work with no breaks either and I am starting to see my anxiety raise, which has made me unable to work in the past. My family can't help. I almost considered getting temporary job locally just to make ends meet for now, but that would either take months to find good job, or be low pay job for insane hours(and that I can do online as well, no need to look).
Perhaps, I'll get paid in the next day and get more work from that client again and have the peace to finally get more clients again as well. But, what if I don't? Am I worrying over nothings or should I be preparing for the worst? Do I need to keep balance and have a day off or try to work every waking hour that I'm not moving stuff, just in case? I think all this is a bit too much worry and it will all fit together eventually, but still....
...and also, today is one of those days where I'm constantly having mini panic attacks and taking breaks between working/looking for work to try to calm down, and I'm not sure if I should take time to calm down or not. I mean, I took half day off and I feel like I've lost so much time and I absolutely can't lose more...
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