I was watching an Oprah show about this kid who was locked in a closet and starved, neglected, and abused for a long time. It wasn't exactly pleasant and it made me nauseous at times, but it was interesting I suppose though I don't know why I watched it since I've never liked Oprah's style. One thing that stuck out was that Oprah kept talking about "making a choice" to put it behind him and move forward with his life as opposed to dwelling on it and letting it rule him. This does seem nice in spirit, but I really don't think that's a choice for anyone. No one wants to dwell on stuff like that, but it sort of just happens no matter how much you beat yourself up and shame yourself for "letting yourself" be stuck there. I mean one thing that has actually helped a lot is trying to let go of the shame of still thinking about it, and a lot of that shame came from this perception that everyone just wallows in self-pity by choice. No one tries to do that, and considering yourself weak for still thinking about it never helps in my experience.
It's better to acknowledge that it's not a choice you're making and then actually try different things to get out of it than to just think you can will yourself to be unaffected by it without any other strategies. It's the equivalent of having a broken leg and just deciding that if you walk on it you can choose to ignore the pain, as opposed to actually treating the problem. Sure maybe you have the occasional stoic sage or the arhat who will just walk on the leg and have the mental fortitude to choose to not feel pain, but for the rest of us unenlightened beings going to the hospital is probably a better choice.
It's better to acknowledge that it's not a choice you're making and then actually try different things to get out of it than to just think you can will yourself to be unaffected by it without any other strategies. It's the equivalent of having a broken leg and just deciding that if you walk on it you can choose to ignore the pain, as opposed to actually treating the problem. Sure maybe you have the occasional stoic sage or the arhat who will just walk on the leg and have the mental fortitude to choose to not feel pain, but for the rest of us unenlightened beings going to the hospital is probably a better choice.