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"make The Choice To Move Past It"

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Air

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I was watching an Oprah show about this kid who was locked in a closet and starved, neglected, and abused for a long time. It wasn't exactly pleasant and it made me nauseous at times, but it was interesting I suppose though I don't know why I watched it since I've never liked Oprah's style. One thing that stuck out was that Oprah kept talking about "making a choice" to put it behind him and move forward with his life as opposed to dwelling on it and letting it rule him. This does seem nice in spirit, but I really don't think that's a choice for anyone. No one wants to dwell on stuff like that, but it sort of just happens no matter how much you beat yourself up and shame yourself for "letting yourself" be stuck there. I mean one thing that has actually helped a lot is trying to let go of the shame of still thinking about it, and a lot of that shame came from this perception that everyone just wallows in self-pity by choice. No one tries to do that, and considering yourself weak for still thinking about it never helps in my experience.

It's better to acknowledge that it's not a choice you're making and then actually try different things to get out of it than to just think you can will yourself to be unaffected by it without any other strategies. It's the equivalent of having a broken leg and just deciding that if you walk on it you can choose to ignore the pain, as opposed to actually treating the problem. Sure maybe you have the occasional stoic sage or the arhat who will just walk on the leg and have the mental fortitude to choose to not feel pain, but for the rest of us unenlightened beings going to the hospital is probably a better choice.
 
Well, Oprah has enough money to indulge all the denial she has in her life. We are not like that. I hate it when people would just say, just move on past it, shoot, just put it behind you !!! Well, If it was that easy why are you such a basket case from your own history, I wanted to say to them !!!
And I guess in a way, we do make a choice to move past it... but we do a lot of work, blood sweat and tears before we get to that 'move on' with it stage.
Healing is what we have to attempt and hopefully accomplish.. This is a long hard road, no one here denies that, but we wouldn't be here, and there wouldn't be a need for a forum like this... if we could just 'move on past it'.
Thank you for this thread... I got this attitude a lot from my insane family... Going no contact took care of that... haven't looked back, not at them anyway.
 
Well, Oprah has enough money to indulge all the denial she has in her life. We are not like that. I hate...

It is a choice in a way, but I do think it's a choice almost everyone makes. I think the only way to make the other choice is basically to kill yourself, so most people alive have made the choice to move past. Even if they seem to be entirely living it, I think the fact that they are still here is generally a sign that they are trying to work towards moving on even if they haven't yet succeeded. I think there are very few people out there thinking "I want to be affected by this for the rest of my life" and everyone who isn't thinking that is basically thinking some variation of "I want to move past this and live my life" no matter how successful they are at it.
 
It is a choice in a way, but I do think it's a choice almost everyone makes. I think the only way to make the other choice is basically to kill yourself, so most people alive have made the choice to move past.

Ambivalence is a helluva thing, especially with that last part. I personally find the 'choice' in the matter much less black and white.
 
It's the equivalent of having a broken leg and just deciding that if you walk on it you can choose to ignore the pain,
If you have a broken leg, walking on it and ignoring the pain is one choice. Going to a doctor, getting it set, cast, and then doing to PT to recover is another choice. Sitting around and lamenting how bad it is and refusing to do the PT because it's hard and it hurts is yet another choice. There are a lot of choices available in most situations. They aren't always easy or fast and it's not necessarily black and white.

"Choosing" not to dwell on the past doesn't necessarily mean pretending it never happened. It doesn't necessarily mean you can avoid ever thinking of it again and it doesn't necessarily mean you can go on as if nothing ever happened. What it means, to me, is doing what you can to live your life going forward and not giving in to the temptation to be defined by the past.
 
Ambivalence is a helluva thing, especially with that last part. I personally find the 'choice' in the matt...

You might be right, I suppose ambivalence is an option. Still though, I don't think most people are ambivalent and I'd still say a large majority of people likely make the choice to try and move past.
 
I mean, we can choose to move past our traumas, but it's going to take a lot of work. It's something that sounds easy, in theory. Just "move past it" and "don't dwell on it." My trauma, to me, is something that's always going to be with me. I want nothing to do with it, but it's all I can ever think about.

So yeah, easier said than done.
 
Sitting around and lamenting how bad it is and refusing to do the PT because it's hard and it hurts is yet another choice

Yeah, I'm not denying that there are choices, I'm just saying that most people are making one choice, just like most people with broken legs don't sit around and lament how painful it is.
 
You've got to be kidding...?

Not really, I'm not saying most people make the choice to even go to therapy, but most people are trying at least ineffective ways to move past. If I were to go back to my broken leg analogy, even raising your leg and moving less instead of going to the doctor is an effort to fix your leg, just a bad one. Similarly, even thinking "I'm going to stop thinking about this, f*ck panic attacks and such" is a shitty way of trying to get over PTSD, but it is an effort. Simply sitting around and crying without even trying to stop is IMO the only way to make the choice to stay in the past, and sadly most of those people would probably try suicide if they have lost hope that there's even any hope of trying to make things less miserable. Ambivalence is possible, but I do think that applies to a minority.
 
@Air, the broken leg comment was a figure of speech. It could have easily been said about dental work, or a bladder infection, or an assortment of other things being ignored or put off due to various reasons. For example, medical bills, debt, funding, scheduling, resources, or even the decision to wait it out to see if things get better first. For trauma related help, I would certainly argue that apprehension and tons of other factors make it absolutely ambivalent for most people, not to mention difficult.

I would totally love to get my problem teeth fixed, but it's just not doable right now, and I have very valid (and ambivalent) reasons for that. The reason to me might not be as equal to another person's reasoning, and vice versa... but that's not really the point of choice or lack of choice, is it? Also, I don't know about you, but avoidance isn't always a conscious choice, and it's like one of the main symptoms with PTSD.

I appreciate your response none the less. It's definitely thought provoking. ¯\(°_o)/¯
 
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As is yours, I always like to get new input, and I do admit there's definitely more potential for ambivalence than i originally thought.
 
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