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Marijuana

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sugnim

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I never feel happy. I mean, sometimes I feel OK, but not really happy. Last night was different. I felt happy. Without any effort or feeling that I was somehow faking it for show. I laughed with my family. I danced in the grass. I watched the sun go down. But I also smoked marijuana. And I think that's what made me feel happy. I have this little jar that is probably about 12 years old. It still works.

Today, I'm not high. And I feel like I usually do. Slow and foggy-headed. Irritable and angry. Melancholy. Isolated. Occasionally suicidal with constant violent images running through my mind.

In our small town, I'm a professional with clients who depend on me, a home & a family. I play in multiple musical groups. And aside from losing my shit on a regular basis at home, I don't think most people can tell that I have some issues, PTSD, depression, whatever. No one would guess about the unhealthy ways I try to cope with things.

My shrink has suggested medication, but I'm afraid of the side-effects. I just can't take that stuff, even though I feel that I owe it to my family to try. I don't want my son to grow up with a shitty parent. And I don't want to be a shitty spouse. I would basically be taking the medication for other people, not for myself. Maybe I'm selfish to not want to take it.

But, I don't think that using marijuana is a good thing to model for a child either.

Ugh.
 
I never feel happy. I mean, sometimes I feel OK, but not really happy. Last night was different. I fel...

I understand!! I just started smoking it to relieve my symptoms. Sometimes to sleep. I don't do it more than once a week.. Just when I really need the help. I think the momentary relief really helps. But it took me a while to get here. I was a drug baby and HATED anything that could be related to a drug for years and years. I was trying to be a police officer and was also taught to hate it. But after failing to get into academy, it broke my heart and set me into a new direction full of different perspectives. Just hide your stash well or get edibles and explain that there's medication inside. IF you feel like this is your road to take. Good luck out there!!
 
Please don't use the marijuana, my dad took it from I was a little girl and he's been addicted to it for over 25 years now, it has ruined his brain, and no matter how much he tried to quit, he couldn't. I can't tell you what to do, but I believe it can cause mental health problems like depression and I don't know if the effects are permanent.
 
I understand!! I just started smoking it to relieve my symptoms. Sometimes to sleep. I don't do it mor...

Thanks. I get where you're coming from. My parents were alcoholics, and I can't stand being around intoxicated people or alcohol. I also worked for the criminal prosecutor's office for over 5 years, and that has contributed to my being averse to marijuana or any substances.
 
I use it to defray anxiety and to help me sleep. It enhances mindfulness for me. It was also very helpful after a car/bike encounter that I lost. Va wanted me on pain pills, opiates. I refused. For me there is only the side products of combustion, so edibles or vaporizer. And don't get busted-the only known unfortunate side effect of pot smoking
 
Calling pot a drug or not is just semantics. On one hand, it is being used medicinally for many things including PTSD. On the other hand, it is addicting. Smoking it is killing your lungs. If you have an open mind regarding pot, then I would urge you to also consider medications that could help your mood or mind disorders to make you easier to live with. I tried every antidepressant without luck and then was suggested to try an atypical antipsychotic. It has allowed me to go back to college, 4.0GPA, and start my own business. Without it, I am too anxious and depressed to function. Pot doesn't help me. In fact it makes me super irritable. I guess I'd just like to share that everything has a benefit/risk ratio. If pot works for you, you might live in a state where it is approved for PTSD, and then you could get it edible to protect your lungs.
 
Calling pot a drug or not is just semantics. On one hand, it is being used medicinally for many thin...
While there is some light withdrawal, to call it addictive is a stretch. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with. I was not comfortable with opiates and had I used them for the pain for the last 4 years I would now really be in withdrawal or addiction.
 
i would caution against chronic use or the rationalization the it cures everything so constant use is good. it is not a cure even for glaucoma, just a treatment.
 
I am a daily and avid user. I choose it over all the man made crap. It helps me calm down, relax, sleep, focus, and have more fun as well. It is natural and works for SO many different things. I also use it for cramps, nausea, anxiety, etc. I am currently out and trying to take a break from it to see how I will do. I am not liking it so far. I have been even more emotional, not sleeping well, and very irritable. I hate having to depend on anything, but at the same time I do not want to be ignorant thinking I don't need anything if in fact I do need it.
 
@Cj77 I have been a user for 14 years...more hardcore the last 7 years. My brain works perfectly fine. I am a business woman and have a regular job as well. It does not interfere with my work whatsoever. When I am businesswoman...smoking helps me to focus and sit still. When I am working my regular job...no smoking at all until afterwards. Also, stopping is not that difficult...he just chose not to. I take long breaks all the time...and so do other avid users I know. The reason we come back from breaks is not because we are addicted or because we are having side effects like the ones that come from man made medications. I begin smoking again because the PTSD is unbearable at times and it helps. I am sorry your dad chose not to put it down and he had mental problems...check into that...it could have come from other things...and I am not talking about drugs. I may stop using completely one day, but for now...it is the only thing that helps! Also, I have friends that have been smokers for over 20+ years now....brain still functions wonderfully...they are parents, employees, and great people....you would never know they do it.
 
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