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Marine bf, civilian gf with ptsd help?

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CrossChop

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I'm hoping for advice, and hoping I'm in the right place to post!

I haven't found ANY help for my situation. I'm a civilian who struggles with PTSD. It's been pretty bad lately, as my life has been hectic, busy, and messier than usual.

I'm in a new-ish relationship with a wonderful young man. He is a marine. He and I are 22, so I understand that he doesn't really have the most worldly perspective yet. He has not been deployed, nor does he struggle with any sort of anxiety/depression/etc. He doesn't like to talk about work much, and tries to keep things pretty light and low key.

My problem is, if I'm going to date anyone, they have to be aware that I struggle with PTSD and willing to at least be there for me when I need. I don't need coddling or protecting, I just need someone to hold my hand and let me cry it out, or help me through a flashback. I need someone who can *be* present and emotional.

He can't relate in even the tiniest sense because he doesn't have any sort of mental or emotional issue like anxiety or depression. He also has never seen combat or been through trauma. So I'm trying to relate to a "man's-man" kind of marine. I feel like I simply can't get through to him. Because he likes to keep it light and lacks the perspective, I get the impression he doesn't care or know how to help. But he doesn't ask, either.

I know he cares, he really does. But he's a brick wall when it comes to me opening up. Anyone else struggle with this? How can I ask him for what I need/ get him to be more understanding without sounding bitchy?

Thanks for anyone reading <3 Any advice is more than welcome, I'm at a loss and feel so alone when I talk to him about this.
 
Do you see a therapist? If so, maybe you could invite him to a session or two. You may want to plan this in advanced with your T.

While my favorite answer is to rely on books, books only work if you think he'll be willing to read them. You could, however, try to tell him using terms he'll understand already and maybe knows himself personally? Even non-PTSD sufferers have trauma, such as losing a pet, a grandparent, a friend, and other things that don't quite heal but are easy to deal with (because of being normalized or having high support). So, he will have an unsteady basis of understanding, somewhere. Just make sure it's incredibly clear that PTSD is way different then losing a first pet or anything like that... if you tell it the way I just did, anyway. Your therapist, if you have one, probably knows a much better way to describe it.

I hope that helps a little so far.
 
It sounds like he isn’t willing to learn about it either. I wonder if you had 2 broken legs, if he would be helpful or if he’d “keep it light” in helping you?!?!?! Just because our condition/disability can’t be seen, doesn’t mean it isn’t there and doesn’t affect us daily. I don’t know what or how you can get through to him.
 
Hi! You know, I think it's mostly ignorance and the fact that he is so much so a "man's-man", as in, he falls into the role of a guy who doesn't express emotions often, and isn't quite in touch with his sensitive side so well. I know he cares very deeply, and he's expressed his frustration in not being able to understand what I'm going through, but I don't think he quite knows just how to move forward in being more supportive/helpful.
 
You said he likes to keep it light.

I'd have like seventy different uses for that. ;) Truly. Humor & taking it light & optimism and gentle headdesks about naivete about this and that - while it's the good kind of it, not ignorance and not willful glossing over issues - are sometimes all that keeps me going, with all the heavy shit. So I'd think of all what you have in him, already.

Also, expression =/ not being in touch or emotional. They're different things.
Speaking of which, not being able to understand can be a win in other ways. It can mean he won't manipulate you, with what hurts the closest and the most.
 
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