E
Eji
I have three beautiful children, two boys and one girl, the eldest of whom are in their early teens. I am currently not in a good place mentally and have been struggling with depression, anxiety and PTSD for quite some time now.
I dont know if I want to be married anymore, my entire relationship was built on a lie to start off with and after all these years, I am tired of hiding. And of lying. I have never loved my wife the way that you should and I have always felt guilty for that.
I am tired of pretending to be happy, in anything in life. Relationships just seem such a mission now, 15 years later, and I dont think I can do this anymore. I dont know how much of anything I can take anymore. I want to find my happiness, but I dont think I can do that when I come home to a lie each day.
But what about my children? I cant leave them, but thats why I got married in the first place. I am so scared of hurting them, of ruining them, taking away their security.
I toss two main lines of thoughts around - you make your bed, you lie in it, but also that people change. I have nothing in common with my wife, we do very little together, sex life is non existant and I get pushed away so much if I try to instigate that I dont even bother anymore. In 15 years, she has instigated it twice.
So I dont know, is this me talking, the real me? or is this just my mental issues? I have never been happy so I think that its maybe the truth. I want to be truthful and fair to her, let her find someone else. She isnt a bad person, just isnt right for me. But I am scared of my kids and messing their lives up.
I dont know what to do, and I am so tired of thinking so much, all the time
I dont know if I want to be married anymore, my entire relationship was built on a lie to start off with and after all these years, I am tired of hiding. And of lying. I have never loved my wife the way that you should and I have always felt guilty for that.
I am tired of pretending to be happy, in anything in life. Relationships just seem such a mission now, 15 years later, and I dont think I can do this anymore. I dont know how much of anything I can take anymore. I want to find my happiness, but I dont think I can do that when I come home to a lie each day.
But what about my children? I cant leave them, but thats why I got married in the first place. I am so scared of hurting them, of ruining them, taking away their security.
I toss two main lines of thoughts around - you make your bed, you lie in it, but also that people change. I have nothing in common with my wife, we do very little together, sex life is non existant and I get pushed away so much if I try to instigate that I dont even bother anymore. In 15 years, she has instigated it twice.
So I dont know, is this me talking, the real me? or is this just my mental issues? I have never been happy so I think that its maybe the truth. I want to be truthful and fair to her, let her find someone else. She isnt a bad person, just isnt right for me. But I am scared of my kids and messing their lives up.
I dont know what to do, and I am so tired of thinking so much, all the time