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Medical Medical Trauma In Childhood

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I know this post was a while ago but when I was 3 (or 4) I was held down by 6 doctors while they forced open my legs and catheterized me. I didn't talk about it until I was 20 and spent most of my life thinking I was raped. I feel horrible for saying that because it wasn't really rape but that's how my mind and body both processed it and the reason why I had and still have symptoms of sexual abuse reactions. I have vaginismus, OCD about it, the whole package. I'm 21 now and I am still terrified daily of it, seeing a trauma therapist has been great but it controlled my whole life for 17 or 18 years so it's really ingrained into me....
 
Hello @mumfie welcome to the forum.
As a child I has kidney reflux from age 6-...
I also had this disease as a kid. I had that procedure every other year and it was so painful and humiliating. I still haven't had sex because of it. I'm in my 30's. It's something I'm working on but I don't know how to explain it to others. It felt like an assault even though it wasn't intended that way. Thank you for sharing this because I never knew anyone else with this problem.
 
I had a severe infection that caused a lot of organ damage and nearly cost my life. I have chronic disease now f...
I've just found this forum today and I feel a kinship with the people who's posts I've read. Like you I had a lot of different things inserted below without my consent. I was younger, it happened between birth and 9 years old, but they had to hold me down for some of the procedures and I would leave the hospital stunned. I know now it was a dissociative state. I came away from these experiences with my life and everyone was happy Except me. I don't think it occurred to anyone in my life that I had been humiliated. I developed anxiety, depression and rage as well as learning disorders and adhd. I lost connection with my body and just lived in a dreamland. I was an adult before I got help. Let me assure you that you can feel better and gain an appreciation for your body again. Thank you for sharing and reading.
 
Tomorrow I have a double salpingectomy which I elected to have. A week ago, meaning no harm, my boyfriend made what he thought was a harmless comment about the underwear I would wear to surgery. That’s what started this anxiety and self discovery spiral.

At 2 I had a bone infection in my spine. I assume now I was having a catheter inserted but all I remember is a room of starngers holding my legs apart and jamming something inside me while I screamed and faught for my life. I dont remember my parents there. I remember it being very painful.

At 4-5 years old I liked to play doctor with my friends. This involved poking our genitals and then pretendjng to be in pain while fake urinating. I feel like I orchestrated this from my hospital experience.

My teen years were spent very active in church where sex was considered shameful.

15-17 I start experimenting with boys. At 17 a boy I liked became forceful with me, choked me, and took my virginity. I lost consciousness I think. I dont remember how it ended. It was very painful for weeks after. I started dating him because of my warped ideas of love and abstainence from my church. He tried to rape me in my front yard later that year. He said if I broke up with him he would kill himself and eventually he did.

So now here we are, the day before my surgery and I have been panicing over the last week. Absolutely panicing. I watched videos of uterine manipulators, cleaning the vagina for surgery, catheters, etc. this launched me into full blown ptsd. My preop phone call told me about 10 mixed gender people would be in the room. No one ever told me about the uterine manipulator in my consult or talked about a catheter. I was about to back out of my surgery until I talked to my surgeon today.

I told her I had a sexual assault trauma history and it happened while I was unconscious so I am scared to death about surgery. She told me she would cut the staff down to only neccessary personnel, so down to 6. She would have all women staff. She would be with me the whole time and even do the prep (vag washing) herself if I felt better about that. She also said she would let me meet everyone who would be in the room with me first. She told me she would need to use a uterine manipulator but it would be a small one. I shouldn't need a catheter. I would never have known those things were going to be done to me if I didn't talk to her today or do my own research. The only thing that was ever explained to me was the cutting of three tiny whole in my tummy. None of the prep. I would have woken up with a washed vag and possible vaginal pain for a surgery that was explained to have nothing to do with my vagina. I would have felt violated and humiliated. Now, that I know and feel like the surgeon understands, I feel a lot better but i am still very very uncomfortable.

This experience has uncovered trauma, especially early trauma about the catheter torture as a toddler, I never would have thought of. Even thinking about this I can feel the pain again a little.

I am sad others had similar experiences but I am thankful you shared here so I dont feel like a freak. Thank you
 
Hello @mumfie welcome to the forum.
As a child I has kidney reflux from age 6-8. I had to have several vcugs that always becomes horrific. I would have to have catheter inserted which it burns like hell. I would have to have 2-3 people hold me down because I would fight while screeming and crying. Soon they would fill my bladder till it hurts. I would have to pee in front of everyone in the room. As a kid I would re act it and have problems with females in authority. Soon it kept getting more and more severe. I did not get diagnosed till the peek of PTSD. Currently I'm in and out of therapy. It's also hard to go to the doctor and I avoid hospitals as much as possible. The smell of clinics make me vomit
Hi, I hope you get my response to your post! You're post hit my heart! Your post was the first one I read on this site. I am a lifetime urology patient who has reflux of my ureter also. I have had the VCUG procedure done four times now. I began this journey as a toddler. I had my first ureter re-implant surgery done at age four. My experiences have been a nightmare! Medical staff fought with me, held me down, forced so many catheters, tubes etc....into me, taped catheter drainage bags to my thighs & made me walk around with them, having to urinate in front of several people....it goes on and on and on. I am in my fifties now and had my last VCUG surgery a couple of years ago. This surgery was also a complete nightmare! I could go on and on. My experiences with the medical professionals have been horrific. I feel like a little girl trapped in an older body due to my horrible experiences. I have not sought therapy. I have always tried to tell myself I am exaggerating my experiences. The trauma I have endured throughout my life medically has literally crippled me. I am in tears writing this. I so appreciate your post. You have reassured me I am not going crazy! Following my latest horrific hospital experience after VCUG surgery, I was diagnosed with trauma induced bi-polar syndrome. I don't know what to think about this diagnosis, honestly. I question it. I'm sorry, I am venting after reading your post. I so feel for all of these little ones who are having to go through all of this trauma due to medical treatment. Thank you for your post.
 
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