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Meeting Friends And Family

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OrangeJulius

MyPTSD Pro
I've looked around a bit and didn't see anything about this. My combat PTSD boyfriend is going to be meeting my family and friends soon. Just looking for tips about how to make him most comfortable. I will be talking to him about this too, just looking for any input you all have. Venues? Activities? Tips? Tricks?

If I ask him what he wants to do, I know he'll say "whatever" and then try to suck up the anxiety. If I give him options, then he usually picks the best one for him. So, I'm looking for ideas and I'll let him weigh the costs and benefits. Dinner at my parents house to meet the family is private without strangers around, but then the social aspect of continuing conversation is increased. Activities outside the house introduce strange environments and people, but the social engagement is decreased. Ya know?

I'm also worried that we'll set something up and he'll be having a bad day and have to cancel. For me, not a big deal. But, I don't want my friends to pre judge him for that.

Anyways, I'm probably overthinking this, but oh well. I just want everyone to like him and him to be ok!

Sufferers, what would be an ideal situation for you? Supporters, what has/has not worked for you?

Thanks!
 
Hi,

Why don't you simply act normally?

I mean: asking a soldier "How is it to kill a person?" would be rude anyway ;) PTSD is an illness, but mental illnesses of any knid and, above all, patholgical personalities are so widespread that, if I was a member of your family and I hadn't PTSD, I wouldn't feel superior to any person with PTSD.

Good luck!
 
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I kind of eased my vet into meeting my parents. A quick stop by the house for a "hello-good bye" the first time, then a little longer each time after that. He still isn't too keen on sit-down dinners, but he does alright during the holidays when all the guys are eating in front of the TV watching a football game. I think as long as he feels like he isn't the center of attention or under any scrutiny he does better.

He did a lot better with my kids and my friends... less pressure than meeting the parents.

Maybe you can set up something at your parents house like a movie night, watching a sporting event, or even a casual card game? An activity that takes the pressure off making small talk, and makes him feel a little more "blended" into the mix. Plus you can control the number of people around him.
 
Why don't you simply act normally?
That's the plan. But I want him to feel normal too! Thanks for your input!

A quick stop by the house for a "hello-good bye" the first time....... like a movie night, watching a sporting event, or even a casual card game? An activity that takes the pressure off making small talk, and makes him feel a little more "blended" into the mix. Plus you can control the number of people around him.
I LOVE these ideas! Thank you!
 
Some anxiety around meeting someone's parents and friends is common, even for non PTSD folks. You can only try to minimize his anxiety a tiny bit through empathy and understanding. He's a big boy - he should be able to communicate with you the type of situations he can't handle well as well as stretch himself a bit for you/the relationship. Maybe the two of you need to talk a bit more before making any plans. Afterwards, let him own his own anxiety. Sucking it up is not all bad in small doses especially when there are other distractions that, preferably are fun/interesting.

If it were me, I'd prefer meeting for dinner at a comedy club, a concert or live show where everyone agrees to meet first in the foyer before sitting down, meeting/going together to a sports event, local exhibit, antique car show, etc. Talk about one's self is minimized at these venues and, if he becomes too uncomfortable, escaping can be done somewhat easily/graciously and the other party can remain and enjoy themselves, if they wish. Or, if the event/meeting goes well everyone can get to know each other a bit more going out for a snack afterwards. If meeting in a home, rather than a card game that might impose too much silence, I'd go for a familiar board game, like Life, Clue or Pictionary.

You got a few variables to figure out - A lot depends on his triggers and reactions, situations in which he knows his anxiety could very well spike big time, everyone's interests, and where you live, i.e. the weather/what types of activities are available locally.
 
a card game that might impose too much silence

Depends on the card game, I think. I don't know if there'll be children or young adults around anyway, but the kind of card games that younger people like playing are easy to learn and can have people interacting with each other. I don't know if other people know them by these names, but I'm thinking of games like Newmarket, Knock-out Whist and Stop the Bus.

Also, if gambling isn't an issue for anyone, playing for counters or pennies can encourage a lot of discussion!
 
I think it is great that you are considering these interactions and how they are going to effect him. No matter what you planned it would be hard for me, but I would go along with it. Suck it up, I guess that would be it. As long as you offer a way out or a breather. This is what my husband does for me. He stands by me and doesn't make it difficult on me if I need to back out. However, it's knowing that he is this way that has given me the strength to go ahead with things.
 
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