Hannah DeFleur
New Here
Hi, my name is Hannah. Well, at least that's the name I wish to be called by. I feel female,though I'm physically male. Why I'm posting here is, because I'm confused about what I believe is a memory from my childhood.
My mom and dad adopted me along with my sister when I was seven. My parents also took in foster children, one of was my rapist.
Sorry if too graphic.
I was twelve and my foster brother was fifteen had been staying with my family for three months. He bullied and teased me about being feminine and being smart. However, I still liked him. I thought he was cool. It was a hot, summer's day; I was running around waiting for my foster brother. He had said he would buy me my favorite candy and a pop. While he got the candy and pop, he told me he decided to get me more by stealing more.
He told me that he put down a mattress for us to eat the candy on. I can remember it being stuffy, and blazing hot. We laid on the bed for awhile eating the candy, as he asked if I could do his homework later. I agreed. Then he took his shirt off. I was embarrassed(I thought he was rather handsome.) Then he undid his pants, and as he did told me to take of my shirt. I was blushing and laughing at him. Then got back on the hard mattress. He then pulled quickly and licked my stomach. I was giggling though I told to stop that it was weird. He kept licking me, and to knock him off laughing: he had his hand on my chest. I told him that wanted to stop, but he pined me down, and kissed me, forcefully. His tongue going through my mouth and it felt like he was taking my whole mouth. I pushed him as hard as I could, and he smacked me. He I tried to run, but he grabbed my leg and hit me again. He then old me that if didn't fight him I would like this. He started rubbing my penis, begged him to stop I told him I hate touching my penis; he laughed at me and kept holding me down and rubbing. I got an erection, and cried. I kept screaming and telling Ryan to stop, but he wouldn't stop. I feel worthless. I just laid there. He told me he wanted to see me ejaculate, and began stroking. It felt disgusting. Everything him touching my penis and looking at it. His grip hurt, and while he was doing that he kept kissing me.
Ryan's body was drench in sweat. He hit me once more, and that if I scream once more he'll break one of my legs. I was scared, so I stopped. I orgasmed all I could feel is that disgusting liquid on me. He told me that since I came I liked. I was confused I thought I did because of what he said, and felt pathetic. I was mostly confused because of ejaculating from my penis. I could feel my heart racing, as he put his finger inside my anus, and told me "You're my bitch, 'Jack'" I was tired and hurt I stopped fighting, and screaming, I kept crying. He did that until my penis was erect. I told him my penis hurt. It was burning.
He walked up to me, and made take his boxers off, and then held his penis to my lips, and told me to lick it; I didn't protest, and said if I bit him he would kill me. I thought he could have. I just did as he told me, and after that he forced it in my mouth. Ryan was telling me things like "You're a good slut, you should have just let me do this to start." I didn't know what a slut was. He orgasmed, it was so f*cking nasty. He4 told me to swallow, so I did.
I asked him for some pop to wash out the taste, and he let me drink it. He told me to wait there, je didn't tell me where he was going. I was afraid he would hurt me later if I did, so I just waited there. I feel asleep. He said he just took a shower, and he would stop ,and give m the rest of the candy if I let him f*ck me. I told him okay, and let him do it. I closed my eyes. He told me I would like his dick, he kept saying that over and over. When he put it in if felt so much pain, but I wanted him to stop so I didn't say anything, I bit my lip. It felt an eternity he just grunted and grunted ,and I yelled occasionally, I could feel something warm on my thigh, pain and more pain.
When he was done, I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. I cleaned what I found was blood, and his semen. I never told anyone ,because Ryan told me no-one would believe me, and I thought he was right.
What did I do wrong? I feel disgusted by myself for just laying there. I have a counselor to talk about my depression, anxiety, and my gender identity, but I'm scared of telling her. I have reoccurring nightmares about it. Though I'm scared no-one will trust me.
My mom and dad adopted me along with my sister when I was seven. My parents also took in foster children, one of was my rapist.
Sorry if too graphic.
I was twelve and my foster brother was fifteen had been staying with my family for three months. He bullied and teased me about being feminine and being smart. However, I still liked him. I thought he was cool. It was a hot, summer's day; I was running around waiting for my foster brother. He had said he would buy me my favorite candy and a pop. While he got the candy and pop, he told me he decided to get me more by stealing more.
He told me that he put down a mattress for us to eat the candy on. I can remember it being stuffy, and blazing hot. We laid on the bed for awhile eating the candy, as he asked if I could do his homework later. I agreed. Then he took his shirt off. I was embarrassed(I thought he was rather handsome.) Then he undid his pants, and as he did told me to take of my shirt. I was blushing and laughing at him. Then got back on the hard mattress. He then pulled quickly and licked my stomach. I was giggling though I told to stop that it was weird. He kept licking me, and to knock him off laughing: he had his hand on my chest. I told him that wanted to stop, but he pined me down, and kissed me, forcefully. His tongue going through my mouth and it felt like he was taking my whole mouth. I pushed him as hard as I could, and he smacked me. He I tried to run, but he grabbed my leg and hit me again. He then old me that if didn't fight him I would like this. He started rubbing my penis, begged him to stop I told him I hate touching my penis; he laughed at me and kept holding me down and rubbing. I got an erection, and cried. I kept screaming and telling Ryan to stop, but he wouldn't stop. I feel worthless. I just laid there. He told me he wanted to see me ejaculate, and began stroking. It felt disgusting. Everything him touching my penis and looking at it. His grip hurt, and while he was doing that he kept kissing me.
Ryan's body was drench in sweat. He hit me once more, and that if I scream once more he'll break one of my legs. I was scared, so I stopped. I orgasmed all I could feel is that disgusting liquid on me. He told me that since I came I liked. I was confused I thought I did because of what he said, and felt pathetic. I was mostly confused because of ejaculating from my penis. I could feel my heart racing, as he put his finger inside my anus, and told me "You're my bitch, 'Jack'" I was tired and hurt I stopped fighting, and screaming, I kept crying. He did that until my penis was erect. I told him my penis hurt. It was burning.
He walked up to me, and made take his boxers off, and then held his penis to my lips, and told me to lick it; I didn't protest, and said if I bit him he would kill me. I thought he could have. I just did as he told me, and after that he forced it in my mouth. Ryan was telling me things like "You're a good slut, you should have just let me do this to start." I didn't know what a slut was. He orgasmed, it was so f*cking nasty. He4 told me to swallow, so I did.
I asked him for some pop to wash out the taste, and he let me drink it. He told me to wait there, je didn't tell me where he was going. I was afraid he would hurt me later if I did, so I just waited there. I feel asleep. He said he just took a shower, and he would stop ,and give m the rest of the candy if I let him f*ck me. I told him okay, and let him do it. I closed my eyes. He told me I would like his dick, he kept saying that over and over. When he put it in if felt so much pain, but I wanted him to stop so I didn't say anything, I bit my lip. It felt an eternity he just grunted and grunted ,and I yelled occasionally, I could feel something warm on my thigh, pain and more pain.
When he was done, I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom. I cleaned what I found was blood, and his semen. I never told anyone ,because Ryan told me no-one would believe me, and I thought he was right.
What did I do wrong? I feel disgusted by myself for just laying there. I have a counselor to talk about my depression, anxiety, and my gender identity, but I'm scared of telling her. I have reoccurring nightmares about it. Though I'm scared no-one will trust me.