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Messed up Coping Method

Discussion in 'General' started by cdunny, Sep 11, 2006.

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  1. cdunny

    cdunny Active Member

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    :die:Okay.. maybe that was a little over the top. Hmmm.. too much information. lets sugar coat it a little more. Does anyone else find themselves viualizing hurting their abuser? I find it to be quite disturbing how much I actually do. Just want to know if Im the abnormal one or not. Thanks
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    CD,

    No need to sugar coat anything here, as chances are, its already here anyway. The mental visualization to hurt your abuser is normal, even the physical want to hurt them is normal, but actually taking it to that level, then makes a person as bad as the abuser themselves obviously.

    To have anger, rage and hatred towards an abuser is very normal. The problem is though, is that those are emotional responses, and underneath, one will actually find the emotions themselves that have stimulated those responses. Coming to terms with the underpinning emotions is the key to removing the upper level emotional responses, ie. hatred, anger and rage.

    But yes, you are quite normal to feel these things.
     
  4. piglet

    piglet Well-Known Member

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    Normal as the rest of us. I visualise mine dying a lonely, slow painful death, followed by cremation and either being flushed into the sewers or mixed with cement and made into a corner wall where local dogs can pee on him as they pass. Hope this makes you feel a little better!

    You can think what you like - there is no law against it yet.
     
  5. cdunny

    cdunny Active Member

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    aahh... <sigh of relief> Thank God. Its nice to know that I can actually have those thoughts without feeling like a freak. Thanks guys.
     
  6. kimG

    kimG Well-Known Member

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    CD, I do every day! Unfortunately for me, my mother is dead (the best day of my life, sad to say!) and my brother is in prison. Although, sick as this sounds, sometimes I do think of digging her body up, pulling her bones apart, and breaking them into a million little splinters, grinding them up in a grinder, etc.:angry-fla

    ...Although I'd never do it. The thought of seeing a skeleton freaks me out, much less touching one!

    I really must get over my anger at her that she died before I could confront her...I have too much anger for other things that she did!
     
  7. purdyamos

    purdyamos Active Member

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    I horrify myself, not at what I imagine doing to my mother and father (totally justified, in my view) - but the total rage and murderous fantasies I have against society at large . I have a monstrous universe of injustice and envy at ANYONE who has or has had a kind mother or someone to hug them a bit. I can't bear children being spoken to and played with (not because I hate children. I'm just furious that no-one did that stuff with me) and I have this craving to set fire to things, or fantasise about having a machine gun, or compulsory abortion. I am totally evil. It's no wonder I hate myself so much. I am only the product of two evil people. I can't get rid of these feelings.

    I would never carry out these visions - I will kill myself first. :angry-fla

    Yours seems quite a mild case!
     
  8. cdunny

    cdunny Active Member

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    I am relieved that Im not alone in my feelings. Although I dont wish this on anyone. I try to keep my anger and thoughts as private as possible. It upsets me at how often and how easily I fantasize about violently torturing and murdering my abuser. The thing that scares me the most is that the more I imagine the more comfortable the thought gets. Then when Im angry at someone I love, I get mental glimpses of me hurting them too. It makes me feel so guilty. Especially being a new mother. The other day I was stressed out and my 8 month old started screaming in the middle of this super quiet waiting room. I got so frustrated I jerked her up and left. I felt so bad for letting myself be so rough with my innocent little girl. Im so afraid of becoming my mother. I wish I could stop being so angry all the time.:wall:
     
  9. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    cdunny, you've got to get those thoughts and anger out, or you may find yourself taking it out on your child, even though you don't want to. even if not in a physical way, your stress will affect her too. if you are not in couseling, please find someone. i fought telling anybody for a long time, and it only made things worse. i actually had to just send my therapist a letter for some of it, because i just couldn't bring myself to saying some things out loud. i can tell a difference now, though, and it is worth it. you need some sort of support system. use the forum, it is a great place to vent and ask questions, and everyone here is very supportive--but, an "in the flesh" support person is such a blessing. i finally shared with my husband, i had tried to "shelter" him from the things that were torturing me, but he has been a wonderful source of support for me.
     
  10. carpediem2006

    carpediem2006 Active Member

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    This will sound crass if you are still angry with X, Y or Z from your lives. The anger stage is a natural one to go through, as it is also natural to grieve a loss.

    However, with time the anger needs to go, to stop you wasting your own energy on that anger. It acheives nothing except take energy you could better apply to someone else.

    Where someone has been abused, I do not believe the abuser is a happy bunny individual either. It does under no terms make what they did right, but looking at the person who is destroying themselves or those around them, destroying the ties to the people that they should expect to be around for them, clearly demonstrates that they have something wrong that they are not addressing.

    The difference here is that you all are breaking that cycle, rather than taking out your rage on those around you and continuing that cycle of abuse, you are stopping it here, and not allowing that cycle to continue.

    Try and analyse the character you are angry with. If you are familiar with them and grew up with them, can you find reasons in their past that might have made them what they were or are. It might help you understand. You should not condone their behaviour, but if you can identify the cause it might help in your laying your demons to rest and putting your anger away too to a large degree.
     
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