I was sexually abused when I was 12 by my father who I was under the impression was a honest and great person, he was actually a monster and controlling and abusive to me and my mother. I was brought to a camp ground where there was adults and some kids around my age at the time, I didn't know the evil that was there and my "father" thinks I am having what he calls "fun" and that I amused everyone while I was feeling humiliated and sick inside of me. My mother asked me what was going on why I was out so late being 12 and in school it's only natural, I had to lie as I was being threaten and beat if I say anything about his affair and that he was molesting me. For years I was a prisoner in my head and could not tell anyone, lost friends started getting real bad at school I was depressed and a castout of the school. Since I have been in two mental hospitals going through my trauma and fear. I also was not sure if I wanted to live anymore just bad thoughts and self blame, I was in one of them for a long period of 6 months due to my condition it felt like an eternity and it was. Now I face the problem of not able to come out and reveal my abuser because he is a judicial marshal and close with the court system he likes to run his own games and make my life harder for me as I recently lost my disability due to him and SS saying I "am no longer disabled and have no trauma past" it's well documented that I do in fact have a learning disability and PTSD which holds me back everyday. I need an advocate I was told but I have no idea where I can find one, or how to come out and reveal what he did to me to whom. I haven't any close people that I can talk to and you know it's just bothering me with little resources and no one to reach to that will believe me let alone help me.
I hope this wasn't too much to read if it was I am sorry. I just needed to get this off my mind and ask for anyone who could help me in this situation (challenging) one.
I hope this wasn't too much to read if it was I am sorry. I just needed to get this off my mind and ask for anyone who could help me in this situation (challenging) one.