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Sexual Assault Molested By My "father"

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aXXomus

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I was sexually abused when I was 12 by my father who I was under the impression was a honest and great person, he was actually a monster and controlling and abusive to me and my mother. I was brought to a camp ground where there was adults and some kids around my age at the time, I didn't know the evil that was there and my "father" thinks I am having what he calls "fun" and that I amused everyone while I was feeling humiliated and sick inside of me. My mother asked me what was going on why I was out so late being 12 and in school it's only natural, I had to lie as I was being threaten and beat if I say anything about his affair and that he was molesting me. For years I was a prisoner in my head and could not tell anyone, lost friends started getting real bad at school I was depressed and a castout of the school. Since I have been in two mental hospitals going through my trauma and fear. I also was not sure if I wanted to live anymore just bad thoughts and self blame, I was in one of them for a long period of 6 months due to my condition it felt like an eternity and it was. Now I face the problem of not able to come out and reveal my abuser because he is a judicial marshal and close with the court system he likes to run his own games and make my life harder for me as I recently lost my disability due to him and SS saying I "am no longer disabled and have no trauma past" it's well documented that I do in fact have a learning disability and PTSD which holds me back everyday. I need an advocate I was told but I have no idea where I can find one, or how to come out and reveal what he did to me to whom. I haven't any close people that I can talk to and you know it's just bothering me with little resources and no one to reach to that will believe me let alone help me.

I hope this wasn't too much to read if it was I am sorry. I just needed to get this off my mind and ask for anyone who could help me in this situation (challenging) one.
 
I need an advocate I was told but I have no idea where I can find one, or how to come out and reveal what he did to me to whom.

Start with the social work department of either your local hospital, or the hospital where you were inpatient at. Tell them exactly that; you were told you need am advocate & have no idea where to look to find one, etc.
 
Start with the social work department of either your local hospital, or the hospital where you were...

This was years ago when I was hospitalized I was still a teen now they tell me I've been discharged and I need to speak to family and friends, but I have none that can do anything about it.
 
Try the RAINN website, they may have some resources in your area. They also have people to talk to if you just need to talk. I'm sorry that you have experienced all this and continue to struggle. Good luck to you.
 
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