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More Advice - Having Another "Poor Me" Day

Discussion in 'General' started by pandora, Oct 10, 2007.

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  1. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Well....on top of the fact that my legs still feel like jello...i can hardly walk.

    Had an epidural, 2 nerve blocks and a joint block...in my sacrailiac spine.

    Definately a poor me day.

    my new boyfriend just called..he was here today and he was just very caring and concerned...asking if i needed anything more than once. Than he called back and asked" are you sure you are ok...you sound so sad....i just tild him I was and that I was just having an awful day.

    The problem is my thinking......i don't feel good enough to have someone so nice in my life and i feel like he deserves better....i don't know how to shake this negative thinking.

    i just needed some support today...from people that understand, he tries...like really hard but why do i feel this way still?

    i just am feeling so messed up in the head right now and so frustrated.

    i am 35, not working with this stupid PTSD and degenerative disc, like WTF? It just doesn't seem fair today.
    The doctor figures it has gone deeper into my joints as well and that is why I still have chronic pain....like more wonderful news. i think i am scared....I am so scared to be in a wheelchair.
     
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Hi Pand,

    The thinking that you are not "Good enough".... Stop.....You know that it is part of PTSD. Self esteem issues, so you need to find another way to get rid of the thinking. How about sitting down and writing down everything that you have accomplished in your life. All of the good points about you. Positive thinking is needed here.....


    Also it could be that ( I said COULD be, I didn't say IS) it is just to hard to work at being in a healthy relationship.....Sometimes we get into a rut with self esteem issues and for yrs get involved with the wrong type of people. Then someone healthy comes along and it feels weird, not normal, and you can actually sabotage the relationship. It's hard work being in a relationship, even harder when you have PTSD , but it can be done....

    Also.....Your back issue....I too have had to have Epidurals for back pain until I read about this condition that can actually be CAUSED by having them, and other injections too. You might want to read up a little on this subject.... Adhesive Arachnoiditis...
     
  4. Damiea

    Damiea Well-Known Member

    What is it about yourself that makes you feel "not good enough"? What I look for in any person I am interested in is.. a gentle careing person who I can love that will love me.. without the fear they are fooling around and will cheet on me. Someone who will love my children and be good to them. Someone I feel safe with physically and emotionally. and yes someone I am atracted to! Now.. you relise every single person alive has some kind of issues they bring with them into any relationship.. eather emtional issues from there past.. physical issues that they live with... or just anything! no person is truly without any problems and that is one thing a person looks for in a relationship.. everyone wants a person who will support them and share ALL of lifes ups and downs togeather.. and its a two way street.. so what if your issues are affecting you more then his are right now! he is there to help and support you knowing that you will be there for him if and when he needs you!
     
  5. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Thank you...both of you. I do know this is PTSD related...unfortunately I am having a hard time changing my thinking. HHHHHMMMMMMMMM....maybe i am trying to sabotage this. i just feel like he is such a nice person and he deserves to be with someone that can move at least. So...frustrating. He did know about my back before we started dating.

    I will read more about that disorder and I know I need to write more nice things to myself ad about myself but right now.....i feel like someone is actually kicking me in the back. The doctor told me the pain would increase for the next three days and then get better so here I am and I shouldn't sit here too long.

    Damiea...I feel not good enough because I guess i really like him and I feel like he deserves better. I have this damn PTSD and I am still learning to live with that. It is had to start a relationsuip with this when i am just learning how to deal with it now too. my back problems just make me feel not whole. I can't work, i am only 35 blah blah blah........I know all neg thinking. Today i fell negative. I will try to think more positively today......even though i really hate this and I am really have a poor me day, i guess.
     
  6. vst

    vst Active Member

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    Hi Pand,

    Really take care of yourself. The stress your body goes through with medical procedures is hard enough for people who don't have PTSD and even greater for us.

    I am sure you deserve your very nice boyfriend who wants to take care of you. The self esteem issues are hard to deal with, and I know this from personal experience. I never thought I was good enough to have a nice normal boyfriend. And if I had one, I self sabotaged the relationship so quickly it would make your head spin.

    Try this thought: Always remember you are a very nice, kind, warm person, who just happens to suffer from PTSD.

    Again, take care

    vst
     
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