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Mourning the Loss of my Life, Trying to Get it Back After Life of Abuse

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Shy,
Welcome.
In the sixites, my elementary school, a couple blocks away from the house of hell, my foster care home, the school was open for kids to do rec stuff.
It was also an avenue and a safe place for evil people to do such horrible things to me, under stairs extra, I have a thing about bathroom floor and kitchen floors being absolutely clean and hair and dust free, since those places weren't.
When I got older, mid 20's, everytime it was time for kids to go back to school, after summer recess, I would go into the most extreme depressions.
(My sexual abuse started at three as well), Finally I peiced it together, and started telling myself during these dark periods, about all the children that will be learning new things, maybe one will be a doctor, another an auto mechanic and another a ballerina.
Everytime the bad invasive thoughts came, I would do my extremist thing about all the good things the children would be doing, artwork, a teacher helping someone who has a sad home etc.
I still get my blues mind you,,,,,,,,,,,but in my heart they are my blues,,,,,,,,,and not those precious children who are learning to rule the world some day.
You have found a great place to express yourself and be heard, I hope these words help, I am sorry you are there right now, I know only too well the feelings.
You are special, your soul was never raped, just our bodies were, you are still as clean as when you were placed in your mom's womb, only our bodies speak differently.
Let your soul talk to your body,,,,,,,,,,,,
You are heard,,,,,,,,,,,,
Donna-Lynne
 
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