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ED Moving and anorexia struggles

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Thanks for the support everyone i appreciate it. I am 31 been doing this since i was 8 and thing is i don't want boobs and I do have to work on the self hatred and wanting to disappear. I have to do this I have this or inpatient I have to just eat and plan meals and go shopping and have stuff prepared it won't be easy. Muted don't leave i was not offended at all. I am trying i do better at my parents not on my own I have supplements planned for when i have my wisdom teeth out I have to be at a more stable weight to get it done according to my nutritionist so I am not doing it until March i just hate that sometimes I can't control that I just can't eat I don' t wnat that to happen when i move i really have to stay on point.
 
@hermione You do know though that you do have control over this. The whole thing about anorexia is about control. We feel that our lives are out of control, so the only thing we do have control over is what goes into our bodies and what comes our.

You said you don’t want boobs, so basically you are starving yourself so that you don’t produce the hormones, chemicals needed so that your your breast can develope. And by being thin they won’t show either. I was anorexic at one time too, so I do understand.

Are you in therapy do deal with why you don’t want breast?
 
I’m sorry @Xena and @hermione I guess it was my own stuff trigger...

It's OK Muted... Honestly.. I appreciate your opinion... And I get that it was your trigger... Nae wonder you said what you said... Triggers do that... So Im sorry I triggered you...
 
It's OK Muted... Honestly.. I appreciate your opinion... And I get that it was your trigger... Nae wonder...
Thank you @Xena for understanding and being so kind. It’s not your fault, I feel super guilty about damaging my body, not to mention what it has put my family through emotionally and financially. This triggering me made me realize that it’s an area I need to work on, so it’s actually helpful. Thank you @Xena. (And everyone else for being gentle with me on this)
 
Thank you for the support and I am a very controlled person in all aspects of my life I am very rigid and follow strict rules for myself. I am in therapy and my therapist is aware why I don't want boobs I don't want to be womanly that is when one of my abusers got violent and also when I got my period the first time when I was 17 because I was anorexic that whole time it has been a struggle and I try to control everything I wrote in my journal it's me against myself competing for I don't know what my therapist said it has to be me for myself and take care of myself...
 
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