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Moving on

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Sargonnas

Learning
Well my first attempt at this was somewhat incorrect as I had explained my life more as a story.

The real fact is that I have been suffering from PTSD, OCD and depression for almost a year, and have only been diagnosed with the illnesses a few days ago. So slowly, bit by bit I was feeling like I was losing my mind. I was getting angry at the smallest things, like a shoe not placed in the shoe rack correctly or the curtain not being straight.

I started to push my family away because I thought they were the problem. The PTSD started for me about a year ago at church “which I do not normally go to”. We were asked to do a simple exercise of faith and when it was my turn, memories of sexual abuse came flooding back.

And then from there on things only became worse, as other memories that had been locked away in Pandora’s Box were now starting to seep through the open lid. You see my childhood was unlike any other and to tell my story would only shock you with disbelief.

From the age of five I lived with my gang member father and was exposed to the gang life as we live in the head quarters. Then from about eleven I joined in as this had become the normal way of life. But now twenty five years later the screams have returned, the blood stained hands that I cannot wash off. The visions of bodies left battered and bruised almost lifeless.

This is what I am dealing with today
 
Nothing could ever shock me. You are dealing with pain & trauma that you never asked to have heaped upon you. I now consider myself to be an atheist & won't set foot inside a church again. I don't fear the church as much as I fear what I might do to some of those people if I am pushed to my breaking limit. I had the utmost respect for gangs. I just refuse to be owned again. Sounds like you have a lot of healing to deal with. It's never easy, but in the coming years, you WILL start to feel better about the life you now hold in your own hands!:singing:
 
Yes now is the time to stand on my own two feet, obviously with the help of family to lean of when I need them. The fight will go on
 
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