• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sexual Assault My Actions Led To One Of My Rapes

Status
Not open for further replies.
I don't know to reconcile this, in 1978 I was raped my a peer at a camp run by a group home company that I was also being abused by, it was done for revenge for something I had done.

I know we are always told its not our fault, and I know what he did was wrong, but my earlier actions led to what happened. I don't feel guilt for being raped but I do feel guilt for creating the situation that led to my rape.

I am trying get the courage to talk about this to my therapist.
 
@recoveringfromptsd it wasn't your fault, I have struggled for years with similar beliefs. I blame myself for an ex raping me at gunpoint because I made the choice to go by his house that day to see him, I blame myself for being raped by a guy that I was friends with when I agreed to let him visit me and stay on my couch rather than a hotel.

You are not any more responsible that I was. This is just distorted cognition in your thinking.
 
I don't know to reconcile this, in 1978 I was raped my a peer at a camp run by a group home company that I was also being abused by, it was done for revenge for something I had done.
The perp wanted you to believe it was done for revenge for something you had done as a way to shift blame to you. People who commit criminal acts against others often have one kind of excuse or another. It's not accurate or true. The reasons why the person committed the horrible crime of rape likely had very little to do with you at all.
I know we are always told its not our fault, and I know what he did was wrong, but my earlier actions led to what happened. I don't feel Guilt for being raped but I do feel guilt for creating the situation that led to my rape.
We all make mistakes. There is no mistake you can make that would cause someone to rape you. If there is a perp at a badly run camp, they will find a way to commit the act of rape.

Think about it this way: when someone makes a mistake, even if I wanted to get revenge against them, I wouldn't go and rape them. That would not even cross my mind as an OPTION. I just wouldn't do that. No matter how mad I was or how much I wanted to penalize someone (I generally don't want people penalized even when they do make mistakes... but that's a whole other thing.)

Someone who would do that likely would have found some other excuse to commit the act.
 
I feel the same way about my mother's death. We got into a big arguement because she didn't want me to tell my dad my brother had tried to kill himself. She cussed me out and hung up the phone on me. Then called back and cussed out my answering machine. Three or four days later we walked in and found out she had drank herself to death.

I know what the books say. I know what the facts are. But none of that changes the inside. I wish I could give you an answer. A magic bullet that would renegotiate this in your brain and heart. It's there. Somewhere, a way to know it and have peace. I have faith it's there. Just haven't found it yet. Good luck.
 
I don't know to reconcile this, in 1978 I was raped my a peer at a camp run by a group home...
I understand this completely. I certainly made naive decisions that contributed to what happened to me. But I also made many more naive decisions that did not lead to anything traumatic. I don't think you caused rape or anything traumatic just because you made a wrong decision. I was hitch hiking at 12 and did so for years and was never assaulted that way. If I had been would I be to blame? Of course not. It never occurred to me at 12 that I could be raped or kidnapped.

I was pretty darn naive as a teen and really got myself into a mess so I blame myself as well. But it really doesn't make any sense to do so. Humans make mistakes. We let our guard down. Leave doors unlocked. Trust the wrong person. Have one extra beer. We are vulnerable all of the time. Most of the time it is OK. When it ends up horribly wrong I don't believe it is your fault. It's just really shitty luck. I'm sorry this happened to you.
 
I don't feel guilt for being raped but I do feel guilt for creating the situation that led to my rape.

It sounds like you've got good distinction, then.

I keep trying to tell myself that, but it's hard knowing it would never have happened if it were not for what I did.
Or maybe not?

Justifiable revenge is hard. Straight up. That shit gets complicated, and doesn't follow normal rules, IME. It's a lot easier when actions aren't commensurate. No idea from what you've written if what you're talking about is actual justifiable revenge, or blameshifting.

Blameshifting, comparatively, is a lot easier. It tends to be about control. And you see it over and over and over again in a thousand different ways when people are victims. There are a lot of different motivations for it. My own is that if it's my fault I can fix it, and that's a fairly common one, but as I said there are a lot of different permutations, all along the same theme of control. Ditto, though, tends to be about control doesn't mean it always is. Denial. Defense. Rationalizing. A whole lot of roads lead to Rome, here.

Blameshifting is far more common than true revenge. Most people blame themselves for shit that ain't their fault. As you haven't said what it is you did, (& no reason for you to / I'm not asking you to), no way for me to weigh in on that one. I'll give you the respect of believing that it may be straight up revenge as you say, until told otherwise. Like I said, though, that shit gets complicated.

The general way I reconcile the terrible things I've done is either by how necessary they were, or what I learned from them. Doesn't include everything. And I ain't got all my shit nailed down. But just speaking in a general sense, when I am to blame for shit, when I am responsible, what have I learned? Doesn't balance the scales when I was in the wrong. There is debt and blood debt, regret and remorse. And some shit is just hard to shoulder. But it's mine to shoulder. Which is pretty key. Never lay claim to the evils others do.
 
Last edited:
Seems to be like an argument for 'justifiable rape'.

Is there any situation, any action, that any person could do to ever justify their being raped as a consequence? In my mind, the answer is no: no matter what a person may have done, we don't rape them because of it.

Shifting the mindset away from your contribution to the situation, to "How do I keep myself safe in the future?", maybe that could be helpful?
 
@Friday and @Ragdoll Circus Justifiable Rape is a term that is new to me, but I know that if that rape were to be considered for prosecution then that's exactly how it would have looked to everyone.

Maybe it will help if I outline what happened,

This was before I transitioned, at the EHS camp 2 staff members took a few of us clients to Virginia Beach, when we were the I heard the other kids saying they saw a body down by the pier. In retrospect the probably were playing around, but I did not no that, and things got out of control. I insisted the authorities be contacted, everyone said no, I would not let it go, and this kid who is quite bulky (he could crush me like a bug) try to hit me with his fist. I picked up a board on the ground and blocked his attempt but in the process his arm hit the board and his arm was broken.

It was breaking his arm he was getting revenge for.
 
@Friday and @Ragdoll Circus Justifiable Rape is a term...

....So you were punished. My rapes were punishment for 'bad behavior' as well. Definitely revenge rapes and not sexually motivated.

I'm really sorry this happened. That's an interesting reason to blame yourself, usually people blame themselves for promiscuous or drunken behavior or being too trusting.

I think it is horrifying someone could use rape as revenge for something you've done but that still doesn't make you at fault for the rape. You should be allowed to argue or even scuffle, certainly protect yourself as you did, without getting raped for crying out loud.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. What part of this is hard to tell your therapist?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top