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My Boyfriend's Mother Died

Discussion in 'PTSD Relationships' started by sigh, Aug 19, 2009.

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  1. sigh

    sigh Active Member

    She was very ill when I met her, but it seemed like she was just plugging along. He gave me her first wedding ring as a gift. I changed out the stones, but it's the same. My poor baby is grinding his teeth in the night.

    He has add and mdd and I have Bipolar, DID and PTSD. I don't know how we're going to be organized enough to get through this time. We have no idea what to do.

    I'm young, not many people I know have died. I do not know the words to say or the feelings of support to feel. I am supposed to meet a new therapist today, but that seems so lame and trivial.

    I am sad. This is the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with and he's so hurt. She was his best friend.

    Thanks for listening (or typing).

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  3. Mina

    Mina I'm a VIP
    Premium Member

    I don't have any good advice, but I'm very sorry for yours and your boyfriend's loss.

  4. BethRSA

    BethRSA I'm a VIP

    So sorry for you and your boyfriend's loss.:Hug_emoticon:

    Don't worry so much about what to say. Sometimes it's better to just quietly "be there" for the grieving person. I don't think there really are "right words" since they all feel so hollow when you're the one grieving.

    You're both in my thoughts and prayers,
  5. Junebug

    Junebug I'm a VIP
    Premium Member

    Dear sigh,

    I am so sorry.
    I have gone thru many deaths.

    Please be yourself with your T. Whatever you feel (or don't), is ok and 'right', right now.

    I am so sorry for your bf. I doubt that he himself knows what he's feeling (everything), at the moment, including unbearable shock and grief.

    You can't go wrong with love, and just being there, overall.
    He knows you loved her, too. That will help him a lot, so don't be afraid to say that, too. And her wonderful qualities.

    (And remind him, she is 'front of you',-right there, - thru him).

  6. sigh

    sigh Active Member

    Thanks, everyone. I saw a new t today and it was awful.
    We went to the mortuary--those are such strange places.
    He's going to have her cremated then cast her out into the Pacific. He'll be reminded of her every time he goes to the beach.
    We're trying.
  7. Mommy to 2

    Mommy to 2 Active Member

    Dearest sigh,

    Death is never an easy reality to deal with, young or old. I am sorry for the loss you are both feeling.

    One of the most powerful phrases I have ever heard was:

    "Don't worry, we'll get through this."

    It gave me such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and I knew, during the most difficult moment in my life, that I was not alone.

    ~Mommy to 2
  8. sigh

    sigh Active Member

    He talked to his ex-wife last night. He's going to give her some money (she has the kids--6). I do feel jealous because they have a history together, but I know he doesn't like her.

    This is my second death recently and my third if you include my emotional death back in October. In October, my father came back into my life. He is a terrible man. His mom, my grandmom, was dying. She had CHF, and it was terrible to watch though she was sentient the entire time (which may or may not have been a blessing). She died in January. Then my bf's mom. This year has been so stressful, I am worn out and just in disbelief about my life. I'm between t's, so there's no one to talk to. Luckily, our social worker brings food to the house, cause we don't go shopping.

    Thanks guys--you all have been wonderful

    :' (

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