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My Children and The Effects Of PTSD Upon Them

Discussion in 'General' started by jezzy-ky, Jan 18, 2007.

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  1. jezzy-ky

    jezzy-ky New Member

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    I started noticing effects that my PTSD has on my children. It is a defeating circle. My beautiful 3 yr old angel gets this nervous look every time she asks me a question. I know that it is because she doesnt trust my reaction. My 8 year old, little man of my life, has done the same as my 3yr old but now he has become withdrawn from me. I think he just cant handle my ups and downs anymore. In saying that..watching my children suffer with confusion makes me depressed, which brings me around the ptsd circle to isolation,anger, extreme highs and lows. How can I be what they need? How can I raise them to be everything Im not: secure, trusting,brave,strong-willed, emotionally stable?
     
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    talk to them, when you overreact-tell them it was wrong and you love them. keep loving them, openly, even when you don't "feel" what you need to. don't cut them down because you feel bad, tell them you are having a bad day. enjoy them! Not that i have all the answers, lol, but hope some of this helps.
    cathy
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    As was suggested here before, the 10 second rule. I believe that was Anthony. It goes a long way and takes not much practice. Try to not react. Don't say anything for 10 seconds. Think to yourself should I say this out loud? Is my reaction I am about to have fitting to a baby and a young child? It can slow you down and make you react more reasonably. I get under my kids skin as I pause a lot. They want and expect things that second or a response that second.

    My teenage son has learned do not expect an immediate answer about everything. He knows I cannot be pushed or it is not pretty. If he pushes the auto response is no and leave me be! But teens are a different animal completely...

    Now a 3 yo, I have a 3 yo girl too... Ah the light of our life and one of Gods most annoying creatures at times. They are still in limbo from being a baby to also being able to make complete sentences (and mean ones) To the temper tantrums with no nap, they can drag shit out from one end of the house to the other but it is moving heaven and earth to get them to pick it up... I think I am about as close as I could possibly get to a 3 yo mind LOL. Some of what I just typed sounds like me some days! But mine responds well if I take the time to lay down with her and read books. On my really bad days I can muster reading with her. I hold her and hug her and tell her how much I love her. I think before I snap do I really want to make her like me? Does wonders at stopping me in my tracks of reacting badly.

    I also have an 8 yo boy. I have seen him stress as he is so scared of so much by watching me. I have been a wreck his whole life. I was so disturbed when he got sick one night and kept getting sick and then it moved to he cannot breathe... Hospital trip and they calmed him, gave him stuff for the throwing up that made him drowsy. Then I am told he had an anxiety attack. Mine came later after the hoopla. I had certain ground rules with him that were just enforced. Nothing major just your clothes don't go in the living room, use a hamper. He was old enough to help fold laundry (we had 6 people in the house so everyone needed to help) Pick his toys up and put them in his room. Other than that homework. If he acted like a bone head and he knew it or did not do one of the things he was supposed to do I took away video games. Still let him run around all he wanted out back. He is about to be nine and moved in with his dad when I moved a month ago. But these are things that worked for us with him.

    Always remember as they get older gentle but firm. We can make simple rules and post them. If they are old enough to read them they are old enough to follow. And not a giant list just a couple so the household is not totally out of whack. Make it clear what consequenses there will be. And enforce them gently. No reason to yell when a restriction is placed or they lose something fun. They are already gettting the punishment. But I made sure I did things like still let him run around and play just nothing electronic. 8 yo have a lot of energy they need to burn. If he chose to be acting like a nut in the house he had two choices stop and do it outside, or stop and do it in his room. But not in the family area.

    I keep fruit out at all times so they do not even have to ask and it is an "open bowl" policy they can have it at any time. Cuts down on asking for junk food all the time. Look for little things to make your life easier that would benifit them. Stick to your guns. 10 second rule, and the most important, gentle but firm. Gentle cannot be stressed enough when you stick to your guns.

    I also have a teen girl but that is a whole other story! Good luck! This is what works and has worked in the past for me.
     
  5. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    I have a four year old and a two year old. The four year old has had the most "experience" with my ptsd. She was only 1.5 when I was diagnosed and I being her caregiver during the day, she saw the many "bad" reactions I had to normal, daily events. To this day, I wonder if my over reactions somehow have taught her to have the same reactions. She is very aware and cautious. If any loud noises happen, she jumps and runs away in fear just as I did several years ago. She also has problems with controlling her anger but I have to remember that many four year olds do! Right now, we are struggling with getting her to be more socially acceptable. When she encounters any other child than her sister, she makes faces at them and runs away. She is an incredibly sweet, artistic child that I hope will eventually be ready for preschool. Only time will tell if my PTSD had influenced her upbringing.
     
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