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My first flashback in front of someone

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The thing is, I don't know how to work through the issues. Thanks though.
 
I had a similar experience coming back from my recent trip. The airport had really taken it's toll on me, not to mention my triggering 10 day trip to my old stomping ground. My earphones had been my first line of defense. I was the first group to be called aboard. Found my seat next to the isle so my shoulders wouldn't be a problem in the tiny seats. I put on my hat and gave out a vibe that said move along to the other boarding passengers. I was in the first 10 rows and had successfully discouraged anyone from taking the middle seat next to me.

The craft was almost full and people wouldn't take the seat..until she did.

She seemingly had no reservations about taking by jealously guarded seat. She was beautiful, classy and maybe ten years my junior. I got comfortable as best I could attempting to hold my PTSD anxiety panic back. Through the trip I was a mess, tears, shaking..a wreck though you would have to be very close to me to notice...I think. She kinda tucked her shoulder behind mine and meditated or camly closed her eyes. It was comforting and pathetically meaningful to me. After a time we both turned completely to look at eachother, locking eyes. Her soft smile and understanding eyes melted me. She didn't want to say anything to further upset me and I didn't say a word. I was embarrassed to be seen in such a state. It's a shame..
 
Having dealt with mine since around 95, I sincerely hope you might be fortunate enough to run into this lady again and she'll be available.
Presumably there are more than a few on here have encountered that sort of unfortunate event in public places for a variety of reasons.
Not being facetious I'd look at it as a message of some kind and not worry too much.
It sounds like you came up with the subconscious reasoning enough on your own for what I learned to try and look at as slipping into the other dimension of space and time for whatever reason. I think it's mostly been worry in one form or another has been the root cause of whatever the hell happens to neurotransmitters and I don't think anyone really knows still, beyond theories.
 
yes i have i start losing my shit and so afraid i will hurt some one. its like all hell breaks lose. god bless you all loner
 
This is the OP. What I find most worrisome is that when it comes to women, like everyone else, I have a type. It's not...
It won’t be every time.

But it will happen. Just get over worrying about that piece right now. It will happen, you’ll get through it. You’ll even get good at getting through it.

You could look on the bright side, as this is officially an excuse to go hang around beautiful women ;) For practice. For the sake of the future missus. Just doing a good deed.

I do get it, though. Got my ass handed to me past few summers when the fleet came visiting. Mostly because they managed to surprise me, I mixed up what weekend it was. Turned a corner, face first into dress whites and dress blues out carousing and raising a little hell. f*ck. f*ck f*ck f*ckity f*ck me. I forgot. :banghead: And boom. Barely made it back to the apartment in one piece. Past 15 years that’s not usually how I react. Catch me by surprise, though? Kick in the gut. Embarrassed as hell I was where I was when I was. My control is usually better than that. Sometimes it’s not. That’s half my WTF, right there. But it’s all a bit of a mind f*ck. On a whole f*cking lot of different levels.

Will it affect your love life? Maybe. Maybe not. I’ve had times where being symptomatic pulled people in, times where it pushed people away. Shrug. Then there were the times I was just me and did the same damn thing. So? Eh. Either way, IME. Or both.

Relationships? Yep. The people you love best? Will see you at your worst. Nature of the beast. Think of it as raising the bar from not just beautiful, but beautiful AND badass.


.o2
 
yes i have i start losing my shit and so afraid i will hurt some one. its like all hell breaks lose. god bless you all loner

Well I wasn't afraid I would hurt the young lady at the tram stop because I was flashing back to protecting the woman I was remembering. Throwing myself on the tram line was possible though. I don't think the lady was worried I would hurt her either. She just seemed entranced by something she had never seen before, in a strange unsettling way. I felt like she knew what I had gone through for someone like her. I initiated forgetting about it with her so as to keep her from becoming uncomfortable. I do wonder if I said things out loud though. If she did have any romance of a man fighting for her it was certainly lost to her anyway. The only thing I gleaned from how it was to witness a flashback from her is that it's very unsettling. I should have said something to her really but I was embarrassed and concerned she was alright so I didn't.
 
It won’t be every time.

But it will happen. Just get over worrying about that piece right now. It will happen, you’ll get through it. You’ll even get good at getting through it....

Yeah well...I guess if I must hang around beautiful women I'm prepared to make that sacrifice. Maybe having flashbacks to defending a ladies honour will be an aphrodisiac for them. If I must have flashbacks it's as good an approach as any. lol

It is all just turning a corner isn't it. I avoid triggers but they can hit you out of the blue in an instant.

Beautiful and badass sounds like the right way to go alright. I feel too screwed up for a relationship right now anyway so it's not an issue for me yet. Although apparently the worst thing you can say to a woman is you remind me of my old love, it take's it to a whole other level to actually relive that relationship two feet from a woman one would have like to approach.
 
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When I worked on things I had to stop trauma work and focus on stabilizing and grounding for awhile before I could move...

Just want to thank you again. I keep re-reading your compassionate replies whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed and confuzzled. Yeah I totally made up a new word ;)
 
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