Ashley5112
New Here
I'm sorry if this is to long for an introduction. I really wanted to put it all out there. I'm here for support and advice so I won't hide anything if possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle. I'm not sure how much detail is appropriate or expected, but the abuse consisted of foreplay (for lack of words) and oral abuse. It's strange to me that my childhood abuse doesn't effect me as much as it does others.
As the title suggest, I lost my virginity to rape. It was 2 weeks before I turned 13 and my best friend at the time done it. He was 16, lived in my neighborhood that lacked kids to play with, so we were stuck with each other in a way.
He flirted with me and I thought he was the "cool older kid". Needless to say, when he wanted me to come over and hangout I immediately said yes. We watched TV for a while in his basement/bedroom his parents had set up for him. When I was ready to leave he said he wanted to show me something so I followed him into the "bedroom" where he proceeded to show me his secret 'weed' stash. I said played it off like nothing and went to leave again. He then offered me a drink (an opened pepsi) for the walk home. I took a few drinks waiting for him to get his shoes so he could walk me.
I don't know how much time passed but I ended up on his bed, unable to move my body. I can't confirm he drugged my drink but I also can't rule it out based on my inability to move and my complete consciousness during the entire event. I lifted my arm (or so I thought) to fight him off and it didn't move at all, neither would any of body parts. I laid there like a doll, knowing what was going on, telling him to stop, crying, and him telling me the whole time I like it if I stop acting "that way".
I was in denial and convinced myself that I had asked for it by flirting and going in his bedroom. It took me 1.5 years to tell anyone and another year to start really accepting what happen. Its been 6 years since the incident. I'm scared to sleep because of nightmares. I have emotional flashbacks in which I feel like its happening again without visual memories or physical memories. I have no support right now. I counted on one person during my recover process and he is no longer in my life. My husband doesn't seem to understand as well, I'm assuming because he jumped in my life in the middle of recovery rather than being there from day 1 like the other person.
I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle. I'm not sure how much detail is appropriate or expected, but the abuse consisted of foreplay (for lack of words) and oral abuse. It's strange to me that my childhood abuse doesn't effect me as much as it does others.
As the title suggest, I lost my virginity to rape. It was 2 weeks before I turned 13 and my best friend at the time done it. He was 16, lived in my neighborhood that lacked kids to play with, so we were stuck with each other in a way.
He flirted with me and I thought he was the "cool older kid". Needless to say, when he wanted me to come over and hangout I immediately said yes. We watched TV for a while in his basement/bedroom his parents had set up for him. When I was ready to leave he said he wanted to show me something so I followed him into the "bedroom" where he proceeded to show me his secret 'weed' stash. I said played it off like nothing and went to leave again. He then offered me a drink (an opened pepsi) for the walk home. I took a few drinks waiting for him to get his shoes so he could walk me.
I don't know how much time passed but I ended up on his bed, unable to move my body. I can't confirm he drugged my drink but I also can't rule it out based on my inability to move and my complete consciousness during the entire event. I lifted my arm (or so I thought) to fight him off and it didn't move at all, neither would any of body parts. I laid there like a doll, knowing what was going on, telling him to stop, crying, and him telling me the whole time I like it if I stop acting "that way".
I was in denial and convinced myself that I had asked for it by flirting and going in his bedroom. It took me 1.5 years to tell anyone and another year to start really accepting what happen. Its been 6 years since the incident. I'm scared to sleep because of nightmares. I have emotional flashbacks in which I feel like its happening again without visual memories or physical memories. I have no support right now. I counted on one person during my recover process and he is no longer in my life. My husband doesn't seem to understand as well, I'm assuming because he jumped in my life in the middle of recovery rather than being there from day 1 like the other person.