theshadowoftheliving
MyPTSD Pro
.... But I'm not sure it would be helpful.
I don't remember most of what happened to me. I know I was young - I know it happened several times because my haircut changes in the memories. I know it happened - my grandfather, the shower, me and my sister .... I know he abused us sexually. Over and over. I can't remember how he got us alone and I don't know why or how it eventually ended. My sister could have corroborated my story, but she died half a lifetime ago.
I shouldn't ask
But I want to know.
It's little details - like details about the bathroom, the white tiles, the fauny plants. I want to know that my memory is intact - that the fragments I have originated in that bathroom, that the violation and hurt and pain and humiliation I felt at six and seven and eight and nine was real.
But would these questions help? I'm worried that they won't, that answers aren't answers. And I think everyone knew, especially my grandmother who was married to him. People knew. They looked the other way. They let him hurt me.
Should I ask? Should I not? And should I even bother to see her? I hate her for being an idle stander-by. I hate her for not doing anything to intervene, but she's my one link back to that period of my life .....
I don't remember most of what happened to me. I know I was young - I know it happened several times because my haircut changes in the memories. I know it happened - my grandfather, the shower, me and my sister .... I know he abused us sexually. Over and over. I can't remember how he got us alone and I don't know why or how it eventually ended. My sister could have corroborated my story, but she died half a lifetime ago.
I shouldn't ask
But I want to know.
It's little details - like details about the bathroom, the white tiles, the fauny plants. I want to know that my memory is intact - that the fragments I have originated in that bathroom, that the violation and hurt and pain and humiliation I felt at six and seven and eight and nine was real.
But would these questions help? I'm worried that they won't, that answers aren't answers. And I think everyone knew, especially my grandmother who was married to him. People knew. They looked the other way. They let him hurt me.
Should I ask? Should I not? And should I even bother to see her? I hate her for being an idle stander-by. I hate her for not doing anything to intervene, but she's my one link back to that period of my life .....