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Relationship My Head Says Go, Heart Says No

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hangingon

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Once again my man contacts me, professes his love for me after not hearing much from him for a while. He says he needs to see me. We make plans, that day comes & goes. . .not a peep from him. I had even sent him a message the day before saying I was looking forward to tomorrow. That message was true but it also served as both a reminder and an opportunity to have an out. He could've given a cancellation to me then rather than silence. I love him but I cannot endure my heart being ripped out over & over. I sent him a message telling him he will always be the greatest love of my life, that he doesn't have to make empty promises to have my love, it's always been there, and that I will continue to pray for his happiness daily, and that I expect nothing in return. I suppose it's very difficult to let go in these relationships because you never truly have closure. I know he loves me, and I love him. So my heart doesn't realize it's time to move on. And every time I get to that point he professes his love and I just think what if . . . .but I haven't actually seen him in weeks. Maybe it's been a month, I'm not sure. I'm dying inside.
 
I'm with you. If he is unable to follow through with appointments with you, it is best to get off the roller coaster. It may be years or decades before he changes, and you are not in charge of his timing. You can, however, make changes for yourself.
 
Is he in therapy or doing anything to help himself? If not, or even if he is, all you can is help yo...
He does see someone at the VA, very infrequently. He refuses to take meds. He does well when he is getting good sleep, eating well, exercising daily & not drinking. I told him I would never nag him to do what he knows he needs to do to stay healthy. And I don't. He called me around 3am the other day, drunk. I know things are difficult for him. I wish I could take all his pain away.
 
That's the thing though... No matter how hard we try, we can never take their pain away. All the self sacrifice in the world won't help. Being a martyr is only romantic in fairy tales and romance novels. In real life it's not going to end well.
 
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