Well to begin with i am now 58 years old and always thought i could deal with anything that life threw at me, problems i have encountered seemed to be just that, problems that everyone deals with on a day to day basis.
Now to cast back to 1976 when i was 19 i was a very keen footballer and fairly good and also very good at the Martial art of Tae Kwon Do (reaching red belt and training for black belt) so i was a very active person, then i buy a motorcycle, i buy the biggest most powerful bike you can within the laws of the UK as a first time rider,
my first real time on it i had a rather serious accident, major trauma! (can expand later) compound fractures in every bone in my leg including a snapped patella!
rushed to hospital i had lost a lot of blood but because i have a rare blood group the nearest supply was 30 miles away, i was slipping fast so a priest was called to give me the last rites (unbeknown to me as i was unconcious at this stage) the surgeon not only saved my life but also my leg but in his opinion i would never walk again and most likely have to use a wheelchair. i was put in traction for a number of weeks and then a triple hip spika plaster which i had on for 18 weeks, after that it was physiotherapy 3 times a week, i had to learn to walk again, it took me 2 years but eventually aided with a leg caliper i was able to take my first steps without crutches! now at this point i had had many 'flashbacks' to my accident even the odd nightmare but doctors told me they would subside in time,
they did, and i tried as best i could to live as normal a life as possible except all the things i loved doing , it was hard, but anyway fast forward to 2005/6.
i am diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukeamia its a big shock which i try to hide from family and friends, it is then i start to become withdrawn and although i still have friends and family feel alone and dispondent, however i battle on and overcome this illness much to the amusement of my Professor who called me the 'Worst patient i have ever had to deal with' we part on good terms lol,
ok , remember my accident way back in 1976 ? well all through the years i have lived with pain, to the point that all the differing painkillers did nothing to ease, sleep also disrupted, i cannot recall ever having a good night sleep, always tired, you just fight it yeah, well the pain became so bad in the year 2000 i sought medical help, an Orthopeadic surgeon suggested to me that i needed total knee replacement surgery but as i was still relatively young to put up with the pain as long as i could otherwise i would just wear out the new joint much quicker (which meant more trauma 2 maybe 3 times more) i was used to pain now so hung on until 2012 when i could stand it no longer,
i had the surgery but due to complications i was in hospital for almost 2 weeks as opposed to the normal few days.
happy days! i have no pain !! but, my mobility has been substantially reduced despite working so very hard at the exercises etc ,
fast forward to today, and i am not sure i know who i am anymore, a caring happy go lucky man who loved to be around people , very open and with a generous nature is now someone who is becoming more withdrawn as the days pass, sleep is still non existant all bar a few of broken hours, mood swings becoming more apparent , couldn't care less attitude, not interested in life in general ( early last year had considered ending my life as couldn't see any positives) , very snappy to my partner and rarely talking to her, also and this is a worry, i talk to people in my head!
for instance.. i review conversations over and over, sometimes even when the convo is still ongoing!
my partner may ask me if i want a coffee, i say 'yes please' she waits for the answer, then asks again, at this point i snap back, ''YES I JUST SAID' the reality is that i only answered in my head and not to her directly! it all has become too much for me so after an appointment at the docs i have new medication and my chemist has gone through all symptoms with me which has relieved my anxiety to a point.
well i would be interested to read people's thoughts on my story, i never knew that PTSD could manifest itself so long after major trauma but i guess i have had trauma most of my adult life so who knows.
Now to cast back to 1976 when i was 19 i was a very keen footballer and fairly good and also very good at the Martial art of Tae Kwon Do (reaching red belt and training for black belt) so i was a very active person, then i buy a motorcycle, i buy the biggest most powerful bike you can within the laws of the UK as a first time rider,
my first real time on it i had a rather serious accident, major trauma! (can expand later) compound fractures in every bone in my leg including a snapped patella!
rushed to hospital i had lost a lot of blood but because i have a rare blood group the nearest supply was 30 miles away, i was slipping fast so a priest was called to give me the last rites (unbeknown to me as i was unconcious at this stage) the surgeon not only saved my life but also my leg but in his opinion i would never walk again and most likely have to use a wheelchair. i was put in traction for a number of weeks and then a triple hip spika plaster which i had on for 18 weeks, after that it was physiotherapy 3 times a week, i had to learn to walk again, it took me 2 years but eventually aided with a leg caliper i was able to take my first steps without crutches! now at this point i had had many 'flashbacks' to my accident even the odd nightmare but doctors told me they would subside in time,
they did, and i tried as best i could to live as normal a life as possible except all the things i loved doing , it was hard, but anyway fast forward to 2005/6.
i am diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukeamia its a big shock which i try to hide from family and friends, it is then i start to become withdrawn and although i still have friends and family feel alone and dispondent, however i battle on and overcome this illness much to the amusement of my Professor who called me the 'Worst patient i have ever had to deal with' we part on good terms lol,
ok , remember my accident way back in 1976 ? well all through the years i have lived with pain, to the point that all the differing painkillers did nothing to ease, sleep also disrupted, i cannot recall ever having a good night sleep, always tired, you just fight it yeah, well the pain became so bad in the year 2000 i sought medical help, an Orthopeadic surgeon suggested to me that i needed total knee replacement surgery but as i was still relatively young to put up with the pain as long as i could otherwise i would just wear out the new joint much quicker (which meant more trauma 2 maybe 3 times more) i was used to pain now so hung on until 2012 when i could stand it no longer,
i had the surgery but due to complications i was in hospital for almost 2 weeks as opposed to the normal few days.
happy days! i have no pain !! but, my mobility has been substantially reduced despite working so very hard at the exercises etc ,
fast forward to today, and i am not sure i know who i am anymore, a caring happy go lucky man who loved to be around people , very open and with a generous nature is now someone who is becoming more withdrawn as the days pass, sleep is still non existant all bar a few of broken hours, mood swings becoming more apparent , couldn't care less attitude, not interested in life in general ( early last year had considered ending my life as couldn't see any positives) , very snappy to my partner and rarely talking to her, also and this is a worry, i talk to people in my head!
for instance.. i review conversations over and over, sometimes even when the convo is still ongoing!
my partner may ask me if i want a coffee, i say 'yes please' she waits for the answer, then asks again, at this point i snap back, ''YES I JUST SAID' the reality is that i only answered in my head and not to her directly! it all has become too much for me so after an appointment at the docs i have new medication and my chemist has gone through all symptoms with me which has relieved my anxiety to a point.
well i would be interested to read people's thoughts on my story, i never knew that PTSD could manifest itself so long after major trauma but i guess i have had trauma most of my adult life so who knows.