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General My husband doesn't remember

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Lem

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Hey everyone I'm new again!

Another bad day. I've been diagnosed with a severe illness and I feel like poop and my hubby is getting stressed and going overboard with stuff again which is driving me crazy. He will barely leave the house without his fake biker vest and rings on, he's addicted to dip again, he sits in front of the tv for hours just staring at his phone, he's started looking for motorcycles all the time again even though we are filing bankruptcy... its getting to the point where I don't know how to cope. Honestly I'm starting to question how healthy this is for my son to grow up around because he swears I'm the problem not him.
We discuss things and I cry and beg him to try and then he gets sleepy and starts to talk to me after a couple of hours and then everything rational he says he forgets within a couple of days and swears he didn't say it and we never had that part of the discussion and then we are back to square one. Its starting to make me feel crazy living with a person that doesn;t remember most of the serious conversations we've had in years. What can I do? Is this normal? Does anyone else have any experience? He says I should just let him do whatever he wants but in past whenever I did that he went to extremes and used to get us in financial trouble or just upturn our whole lives. I have a toddler son and I really don't want him to go through that...
 
I don't like to jump straight to assuming the worst of people - so, does he have a medical condition (physical or mental) that might explain the memory and behavioural issues? Is that a possibility?

If not? This sounds like gaslighting. And if that's the case, no - it's neither normal, nor acceptable.
 
He has severe PTSD. He's a disabled vet from Iraq. And he's always been up and down and all over the place way before me. He's always gotten so into stuff he gets obsessed. Like the best example I can give is tv shows. He watched sons of anarchy and thats when the vest thing started. He started calling it his cut and calling me his old lady and became obsessed with getting a bike even though he knows nothing about them. ANd insisting he;d always felt that way even though he;d not mentioned them once before that. And became really into forging his own weaponry after watching vikings and started trying to make his own battle axe in the garage. He gets really really into stuff to a point where it consumes his whole life (and mine). He's easing up but it still bugs me when he gets too much with stuff.

I wonder often though how much of it is him being as extreme as he can be and how much of it is me expecting him to be that way and getting depressed about it.
 
I wonder often though how much of it is him being as extreme as he can be
Or if it's a form of avoidance? Idk, but I went through a period where I got totally obsessed with one thing, until I was completely obsessed by the next thing, then the next thing. In my case, plunging myself into different lifestyle types was a huge avoidance thing.

Does he have an avenue into therapy he might pursue?

Some of the supporters forums may help here, as you'll no doubt find people that have experience with the behaviours you're describing.
 
He has severe PTSD. He's a disabled vet from Iraq. And he's always been up and down and all over the place way before me. He's always gotten so into stuff he gets obsessed. Like the best example I can give is tv shows.
Ditto with my guy. Is your husband in therapy or on medication? Does he have any TBIs? Does he have any responsibilities during the day, like a job? If I was in a situation like yours, I would assume my partner was lying about not remembering, either because he was embarrassed about what was said or wanted to avoid the topic all together. (Or that he had taken his night meds, as they can sometimes make him out of it/forgetful.) Are you diagnosed with PTSD or just him? You might find the supporter section on this site more helpful.
 
Sorry, I do not want to be disrespectful. I can understand why you do not want him to spend money on a motorcycle and why you struggle with him not remembering a word you said, but what is wrong with him forging a battle axe?

My sufferer and me are both into historical stuff and we own some historical costumes, made by my guy and they are really cool. There are a lot of people like us, who do that and i do think it is good for him.
There are gatherings of reenactor, where you can meet a lot of people who are into that and a person who made his own battle axe would be adored there.

But I can understand you are worried he does not remember a word you say. How old is he? Did he talk with his doctor about this?
 
My (soon-to-be-ex) sufferer has had memory problems throughout the life of our relationship, and does the "does/says/likes" something one day, and claim he never did/said/liked it two weeks later (or two days...it's maddening). It was for things small, like mayonnaise, to things big, like our relationship. In fact, our end happened because he decided he was done. Then we had a conversation that I thought was genuine - where we were both using reflective listening and other skills to be sure we were on the same page, in which we agreed to not "break up" for a few months, and just see where we ended up.

Two days later in couples counseling, he claimed he never agreed to that, never said it, wasn't willing to wait and see, and hadn't changed his mind about being done with us. And wouldn't explain his thoughts on the conversation we had - it was like he was trying to will it into never happening. That was our last therapy session together, mainly because the counselor pointed out that was called gaslighting (which I was trying to NOT call what he does...which in retrospect was kind of dumb I guess), and was abuse. He wasn't willing to figure it out, and none of us (me, him, or the counselor) could figure out why he was even there, so counseling ended.

He forgets things all the time - everything from forgetting to eat to paying the bills (I was in charge of finances when we were together). He definitely did not remember the awful things he'd say when stressed (or claimed they were my fault, or that I'd misunderstood him).

As far as obsessions go, I've known a few folks with PTSD who move from one obsession to the next, my sufferer included. Some admit it's an avoidance tactic, if they are in a place where they acknowledge their illness. My sufferer? He jumps into an obsession, and claims it was always there. His current obsession is all things Japanese - he's always held an interest in Japanese culture, but it has pretty much consumed him now. I know one guy who's currently on flying model planes. Before that it was motorcycles.

It's an issue for the family when obsessions become expensive, especially when they might be thrown to the side when the next new shiny comes along.
 
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