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General My Son Is In Afghanistan - I Am Terrified

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My son informed me that he will probably be going over there in the next 12 months. He is in the Defence Force.

Oh dear, well I sincerely hope and pray that goes well Jen. Our 18 year old nephew Colin only enlisted 3 months ago, and he will likely be going to Afghanistan within the next year as well. Canada is taking a major role in this war, thousands are deploying there.

wildfirewildone said:
My thoughts and prayers are with you.....I think it's harder for mothers when it comes to concern about their children....

Thank you wildfire, I appreciate the prayers. And yes I believe you are correct, it is more difficult for mothers. Often our men hide their emotions though, so who knows what fathers are truly feeling? I am glad for you, that your son is not involved in the war. Especially since he is an only child! I have 4 biological children and 3 adopted. If I had only one I think I would lock him in his room and never let him out! Only kidding. However I sense it would be that much harder to let go.
 
Thanks Kathy when he told me I said how do you feel about going? He said he cant wait! Well he joined the services hoping to travel overseas and the way the world is going it was odds on that he would go to one of those places!
Jen
 
Ah yes. Well remember that feeling of wanting to see the world. Colin is the same as your boy Jen. Eager for adventure and excitement. Both boys are in for a rude awakening I'm afraid.

Jim.
 
Yes your are right Jim I suppose the war is not going to finish to soon even if it did another war will pop up somewhere? And they will be going whether we like it or not! All we can do is be their for support!
Jen
 
I must agree, very rude awakening. Seeing the world with a weapon in hand is much different than with a camera in hand...

Kathy, what do you really fear in relation to Travis being their? I have a rough idea already, so if you want to PM me instead of posting publicly, feel free, you also know my email. I can see what you could be feeling, thinking and logically going through your mind in relation to this, no doubt Jim also, and not real sure if the topic has been discussed in your house, or with Jim. Yes, I am talking about the impact of being in a war zone, their and the possible aftermath, as your family are experts within, or should be by now.
 
That Travis might be returned to us like Brian, or God help us, like Eric! Yes, this is what I fear most Anthony. I feel almost ill just typing it. I suspect Jim feels the same way but won't admit to it. Really we have not been talking about it as we should.
 
Had an inkling that it was on your mind... no doubt not discussed considering recent events, though no doubt contributing to individuals stress within the household??? Its out and open now Kathy...
 
It is a horrendous thing for a mother to say, however I must admit, I would prefer Travis to return in a casket than to come home like Eric! Funny, Evie visiting Eric's grave has brought up many unpleasant feelings for Jim and myself, though we are loathe to admit it. And ironically, it seems she is beginning to overtake us in dealing with Eric's actions. Truth be told, I am incredibly resentful of Eric, I feel real hatred towards him. When Evie said she wished his grave could be moved closer to us, I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming.

I suppose in some ways Jim and I have been fooling ourselves, and acting as hypocrites. We encourage Evie to talk, get things out, and work upon herself, and we praise her progress, yet lately we do not practice what we preach. I am not certain how Jim feels, but I feel if I talk about it openly, the last shred of control I have will vanish.

And causing stress in the household? Yes, absolutely. The young people avoid us at times. I sense Evie has started becoming protective of us, defending our actions to others and saying less for fear of hurting us. Again, quite ironic, as that was how we were treating her initially.

There is more I could say but do not feel so comfortable here, perhaps I will take you up your offer Anthony, to contact you privately. In any event, thank you for your prompting. It was about time I admitted to this.
 
I had also suspected this might be a fear. I know of the stresses of it running in the family as my son's PTSD is a constant worry.

Bravo on beginning on this fear Kathy! My best wishes to working through the grief and anger over Eric and your fears for Travis.

My heart is with you both!

bec
 
Correct, we are both guilty of not speaking about this. Even alone together we don't speak of it. In therapy we talk around it. Change the subject. About time it came out. Still, the pain is incredible.

True, Evie's visit to Eric has brought it more to the surface. Confusing really, my feelings about her visiting the grave. Am extremely proud of her. And yet. Part of me wants her to hate him. Jesus Christ, he shot her! He doesn't deserve her pity. However. From reading her diary, he's now getting that sympathy from her. Understand it is for her benefit rather than his, but still difficult to accept.

The wife speaks of hypocrisy. Well. The two of us claim to be Christians, and we have chided Evie to forgive various individuals. Yet here she is forgiving Eric and we can't stomach it.

Eric is such an enigma. My precious little brother on the one hand, and a bloody murderer on the other. And if I am being truthful now, I blame him indirectly for Brian's death as well. Silly perhaps but truth.

Jim.
 
Interesting though Jim that you mention the cross distinction between your feeling for Eric in relation to Brian. Why does Evie feel more towards understanding? Because she has what they had, she understands what they felt through PTSD, she is surviving what has killed them both, unfortunate as that is, though she still survives them. I believe Evie would certainly understand more easily than you both. Expected I would even say. It is like you trying to understand what Evie feels compared to me understanding it, as I have what she has, you don't. A good thing too... that you both don't have PTSD...

You tell Evie to not be hard on herself, yet maybe you must also take your own advice!!!
 
While writing to a friend about this whole affair, it occurred to me suddenly, Jim and I have never visited Eric's grave either! We were at the burial site briefly, back when we made the decision to have him interned there. However his body and headstone were not present yet. We have never wanted to visit the site, as quite frankly, our feelings towards Eric are confused and often less than charitable. It is odd, when we accompanied Evie, it never crossed our mind, that this was our first visit as well! We were concentrating completely on her, concerned about her feelings, as she needed someone with her. We neglected to ponder our own feelings in the matter. That's not to say we regret taking her, far from it. However it is odd that we didn't think of ourselves at all. Really we have experienced the loss of Eric and his family keenly. Not to the same extent as Evie, and not with PTSD as the end result, and thank heaven for that. But it has been a loss for us, and Evie disappearing for several years as she did just added to the pain of it. I don't believe we've ever really dealt with that, and how it has ultimately changed our family. Not truly. It is quite a revelation.
 
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