• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

My world just exploded!

Status
Not open for further replies.
when you texted her, before you had her response.

About the A/C itself? Yeah, I was a bit frustrated I suppose due to heat being super hard on me but, I think, more concern for my dad and heat and him needing to fix it (since its rather apparent he will be taking it back rather then me buying it now). I can always drive my car if the heat is that hard on me. I was more wanting my dad to know it went back out and that it was the blower so he'd be prepared for it to come back without A/C and the need to repair it.

But, you could say I was frustrated about it. That'd be true too.
 
My car is in my name, thank f*cking god! I feel like a thousand pounds of worry has lifted off me. No, I didn't buy his car or any car but they have ZERO power over me now!

Still some worry about the car but I feel way less freaked out now then I did when I thought I was buying out the loan. And its why I got car insurence when I did and took it off Criags List when I did. I needed to clear my brain of worry about money for medical needs. Soon I will need $750. And the pain pump is medically necessary to fill. If I cannot fill it at any point in my life then I will need to schedule surgury to take it out. And that by itself is A LOT of money. Filling it and scanning it are seperate charges and he scans it each time he fills it and then gives me the print out.

They don't get any of this nor do they care. Sadly. But I was in this constant never ending state of worry and what if and panic. Plus being a puppet for them. Them pulling my strings controling everything I did and the power they had over me and what they could have done wasn't helping. Neither were the text messages so i stopped messaging her unless fully necessary. It is why I felt like my world caved in. All of that plus loosing my dad in this manner. I knew he was leaving but not like this.

Now my world is starting to piece back together. I have a ton left to do before tomorrow and it all needs to get done but the number one biggest thing is to finish my dad's box of stuff and then moving everything out of my dad's car that is mine and the rest is just I want to get it done before my brother is here but if he has to come here with the house trashed then he will just need to come here with the house trashed. I am not going to slave myself for them and what they think anymore. I couldn't give a rat's ass what they think and who they tell it to. All of them can go to hell and my dad right along with them.. If my dad would call and just sit down alone and explain things to me in HIS words, that would be different. Right now I feel like I did when I was 12 and he left. I haven't figured out how to radically accept anything yet. I am not sure how to do that but I am trying to figure it out.
 
Picking up my brother in an hour and I am trembling inside and out. I cannot believe how insane I feel right now! I cannot even type and I have dropped my phone 20 times in like an hour! I can't breathe!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top